The Peaceful Home

Episode 35: Self-Empowerment and Getting Your Sexy Back with Coach Kim Coffin

June 28, 2022 Pamela Godbois
The Peaceful Home
Episode 35: Self-Empowerment and Getting Your Sexy Back with Coach Kim Coffin
Show Notes Transcript

In this week’s episode, I sat with empowerment expert Kim Coffin. Kim shared her journey and the path she took to heal her own trauma and how the path of tapping back into your own sensuality, creates a more empowered you. The work she does is not all about sex, it is about reclaiming your body like yours, and deepening your connection to yourself, and by extension everyone else. 


Kim Coffin is a Trauma-Informed Somatic Sex, Love & Relationship Coach, as well as an Empowerment & Sexuality Coach, Tantric Sex Coach, and founder of Get Your Sexy Back! She lives in Waterloo, Ontario, Canada with her husband of 22 years and her 3 sexually empowered teens/adults. 


Her mission…is to TURN-ON the world…to help humans get back into their bodies, so they show up in their unapologetic power. Kim teaches singles and couples how to RECONNECT to their body, ACTIVATE their turn-on, HEAL heartbreak & shame at a body-based level, RECLAIM the places they’ve been disempowered, so they can come back into their body and step into their UNAPOLOGETIC POWER through sacred sexuality. In their relationships, in their businesses, in their body, and in their lives.


If this episode inspired you in some way, take a screenshot of you listening on your device and post it to your Instagram Stories and tag us, @pamgodboiscoaching and @get_your_sexy_back_coach.


In this episode you’ll hear:

  • Kim shares her story of reclaiming her body and is teaching others how to do the same. 
  • Kim shares the journey from disconnected and numb to loving life. 
  • Explored the importance of pleasure in the healing of trauma and turmoil. 
  • Kim shares her go-to way to self-empowerment and learning to trust your own instincts. 
  • Kim speaks about where to begin in healing your shame journey. 
  • And how the power of conscious awareness and communication of boundaries has a profound impact on life. 


LINKS:

Kim’s Website: https://getyoursexyback.ca/

Kim’s Instagram

Kim’s Grounding & Balancing Practice

Kim’s Facebook Group

Discovery Call with Kim



Facebook Group For Moms: The Messy Truth: Moms on the Path of Rediscovery

Connect with me:  Instagram, Facebook, and Tiktok


If you’re like “I love listening to Pam chat with guests.” Then head over and write a review! We really appreciate your support and it helps us to keep growing!!  https://pamgodbois.com/ApplePodcast Thank you so much for listening to this week’s ep

The best thing you can do for yourself and your kids is effectively regulate your nervous system. And a great place to start >> to wire the brain for gratitude. Research tells us that gratitude increases happiness and a peaceful mindset. Make the shift and watch how things in your life start to change. Sign up today! www.pamgodbois.com/gratitude

Pam:

Welcome back to the out of your mind podcast. On today's episode. I had the opportunity to sit down with Kim coffins. In Kim is a trauma informed somatic, sex, love and relationship coach, and an empowerment and sexuality coach. If that doesn't tell you everything about this episode. Let me give you a little bit more. So if you're somebody who struggles. To heal the shame and conditioning that you've grown up with. Or if you're looking to empower yourself and learning to trust your own intuition. This is the episode for you let's dive in. Hey, Hey guys. Welcome to the active mind podcast today. I have Kim with me. Who's going to do a dive into her story and share what she's doing. I'm super excited to have you here, Kim.

KIm:

Welcome. Thank you. Thank you so so much. I am Kim coffin. I am an empowerment and sexuality coach super trauma informed. Very body-based from attic as well as the sex level relationship coach, a female sexuality coach tantric sex coach. And founder of get your sexy back and yeah, I absolutely love what I do. I also have three grown. I call them grown their adult teams 16, 18 and 21. Technically the sixteens, not an adult yet, but she's the most mature out of both of the boys. So, yeah, I live in Waterloo, Ontario, Canada, and Yeah. What else? Yeah. Tell me what else you want me to, I will have fun.

Pam:

Yeah. I would love for you to share with us how you ended up doing this work. Because I actually worked with the women that would love to be doing the work that you're doing and are just trying to take the steps to get there. And I know they're out there listening. And so I would love to hear about your story and what brought you to this place.

KIm:

Yeah, totally me. Totally me. Right. So I had to go on my own journey and these are the things that I even specialize in now. Empowerment confidence, creating trust safety in our bodies and our minds with tons and tons of infused pleasure with intimacy with myself, with relationships. And I do the, all of this with couples and singles as well. So it started on my journey, essentially. I if I go back, it's always easier looking, going back. Right. And seeing, oh, that's how we got here. So my basic story, not that it's so basic, but and a little trigger warning here, and we will go into some sexual assault. And if that is something that you're not able to handle right now, just listen to this at another time. So I woke up at 14 and now. With my stepfather sexually assaulting me and it was the most devastating, crazy night of my life. I was totally in the association and. Totally checked out, like totally going through all the symptoms of all the ways of trauma through the night and couldn't sleep again and didn't know what to do. If I should leave call the police, I was really torn. And all of a sudden I was like, I know what I'm going to do. I'm going to tell my mom, right? Like how many times we'll be like, tell your mom. And it took a few hours to come through and that was not my first reaction. And as soon as he left for work, the next morning I did. Reached out and told my mom and she believed me. And then she sent me to school which looking back it's like what? And a few hours later I got picked up by her and she said my stepfather was outside and I was going to sit in the front seat and confront him essentially. And she was going to sit in the back. And honestly, she never said a word. I tried to hold my ground and say what happened? And my stepfather denied everything. After a while of me really actually fighting, I hit the fight trauma response, which was fabulous. I saw something in his eye and the way he kinda lunged gently, but enough that I noticed, no, I didn't. And I was like, okay, I'm not going to win this battle. And I remember deciding okay, I'm on my own here. I'm just literally on my own here. My mother never said another word. It was never brought up again. So fast forward. Into my twenties into my thirties. We're still in relationship with these two, with my stepfather. I was forced to go on with life, like nothing happened and that was hard. So I started to see it show up in my body. I started to see it show up in postpartum, in nursing, my first child on my left breast. One of the places I was assaulted, I kept getting mastitis in the same breast and they couldn't figure out why. I started with back pain, postpartum thyroid issues, adrenal fatigue, like so many things over the years started to really show up in my body. And it was hard. It was really hard. I ended up being burnt out, stressed out, like numb caught in the cycle of over-giving and doubting myself, but also people pleasing and pretending everything was perfectly fine. Right. That is what I needed to do to survive from teenage into twenties. I probably didn't need it in twenties, but I was used to that cycle and including in my thirties. So I really found myself not speaking my truth and being the good mom and being the good girl and everything was perfect. And it really played on my body, on my mind, on my head. So, and one of the biggest things that really left a lot, which is trauma is like wondering why I couldn't do what else everybody else was doing. What was wrong with me with all of this? Right? So, and then quickly followed by guilt for having so so much and having this beautiful life with three children. And my husband, and yet I wasn't happy. That was quite a lot. And then finally, like fast forward into 2013, I started to have this feeling like there has to be another way and I started to have these whispers to slow down. I started reclaiming my boundaries, my space. I got knocked in the head until the slow down, literally when I broke my ankle and had to have two surgeries on it. That was a quick message. But I still was wobbly. I was still like, I don't know this is what we're supposed to do. That doesn't feel safe. So in 2017, I really started reclaiming myself full out. I started working with world renowned leaders and teachers, mama, Gina, Sheila Kelly, Layla Martin. These are some of the most amazing teachers. And I started my. Healing journey. My own reclamation, literally of my body, of my sensuality, of my sexuality, of my boundaries, of my truth, all of this. And I say all this, because it's all connected how we're feeling in our body, how we're feeling in our sexuality and our sensuality and how we're showing up in our boundaries and our truth and our voice. Like it's all connected. And that is it. That's my basic story. That's which is not so basic, I think. Right, right. It's funny when it's your own story, you're like, yeah, here's the, the outline of the things that have happened and then other people hear it and they're like, whoa, but you know, as you talked about this trauma showing up in your body and things that now you can connect the dots backwards and go, okay. Yeah. That's why that, you're talking about nursing on the left side and my status and how that, like now you look at that and you're like, well, the, of course that's what was going on. I, of course it was energetic. Of course it was trauma living in the tissue of my body. And yeah, but for, I think for women, so often we just bury shit, we just push it down and we don't look at all the things that get created by. Whether it's the level of trauma that you experienced, other little things

Pam:

that we maybe don't perceive as trauma, the reality is your trauma was invalidated and you learned to invalidate yourself. You learned to be like, Clearly not a big deal. People that I'm supposed to be able to trust. Don't think it's a big deal. So I mean, 14 years old, I have a 13 year old daughter and I can't like knowing her. I'm like, yeah if I kept telling her, it's not a big deal, it's no big deal. You need to just get over it. Whether I say that in my words or not, she's going to believe me because she trusts me.

KIm:

Right. And I knew it was wrong. I didn't trust her. I just knew I'd been betrayed, but I had to survive the rest of my teenage years till I got out of that. Yeah. And then it took me 27 years. I will add there. It took me 27 years to confront my mom and my stepfather. So if me, till 2017, I should've added that part in there. My apologies because they were such, and this is, there's a play in money and power in there too. And there's a play in relationship and my mother's very narcissistic and very controlling and. Sucked into it. I had three babies as my daughter got to an age where she was anywhere, not with me, right. Not a baby with me. We stopped. I started pulling away more and more. And because my body was like, I can't do this. I'm going to scream. Now I scream all the time and learn how to move those emotions and play with those through my body. But I literally retracted, we got in rep sports with the boys. We pulled away. Cause otherwise it was every Easter, every Christmas, every Thanksgiving, every summer we were with my mom and my stepfather and my family. Right. And that's what we're supposed to do. So that's what I mean by being the good girl getting along. Can't you just get over it, but there was no way I was letting that happen to my daughter. No. Right.

Pam:

Yeah. I mean, it's our role. I feel like as has, I don't know, awake moms as moms are recognize that there's so much shit that impacts our kids. And if there's anything that we can do to help, to decrease the impact of that shit or decrease the amount of shit that gets piled on them, we do it. Right. And I get that. There are a lot of moms that are not don't have. And I said, as we got on that that I was a therapist for 20 years. And so my entire parenting is around, like, how do I not fuck up my kid? Entire the entirety of what I do with her. Okay. Is that going to fuck? How much is that going to fuck her up? Sometimes you have to weigh it out, but

KIm:

yeah, I mean,

Pam:

The agony. It makes sense that you shut down, it makes sense that you dissociated, it makes sense that you were numb. I mean, you shifted from dissociation to numb, right? And so how did you come back from.

KIm:

Yeah. That's a good question because I even just started to explain it in my membership program to people yesterday, how they can, because I'm not the only one. That's not like 99% of women out there. And mum, maybe from an assault, maybe from trauma, if not there's enough collective trauma against women and female identifying humans that is. Being absorbed constantly through media, through social media, through television, through, all the stuff we're taught about our bodies. So this disconnection happens very young. It could be because you were ashamed because you were masturbating when you were a little, like little things like this, create this disconnection. And I like to start to work with people to help. Start to feel their pleasure again, like what feels good? What do you like? What do you notice when you start to touch your hands, your arms, your neck, can you feel pleasure? Because if we just simply start to feel our pleasure and notice the sensations in our body and our touch, what we like, what we don't, we can reclaim. That pleasure, that sensitivity. Some other amazing things are working with breast massage is super therapeutic. Even for five or 10 minutes, a day of really hard opening, a really heart softening and re sensitizing to our pleasure. And it's releasing and it's calling in it does both. We actually do a couple of directions, so there's a lot of ways to reclaim. I want to say reduce the numbness, come back into feeling, come back into pleasure. But that is where we're going to start depending where you that. Yeah.

Pam:

So I know you also said, you're like, you're an empowerment coach. You're like, you're doing the heads, you're doing the physical stuff. You're talking right now about and you, and I know, and I think some of my listeners know, but just to remind this connection, this body mind, spirit connection. We're energetic beings, right? So it's

KIm:

all in the body.

Pam:

Yeah. It all shows up. It's all the things together and their lands, which is why you're like talking about the physical health problems that Struggles diseases, different things that have arisen in your life as a result of holding onto the trauma. And so I like to remind people that like a physical deterioration, the stuff that the issues in the tissue as we say, in the yoga world, right. Shows up because we don't process the issue. Because we, if it doesn't just, it's not just like I had a trauma so that therefore it's going to show up in my body. If you process it, if you're able to process through it. I mean, that's as a therapist, that's what I do with people so that they don't have to, Struggle with physical health complications. And I myself, like w my listeners know this, but I, myself with 20 years of that, which is why I retired from therapy. I ended up with a pacemaker at 44 years old, because how do you listen to 20 plus years of Harper? And take it on energetically and not clear it not process through it and have it not impact your physical health and wellbeing. And when you were like, it's a literal knock on the head. I mean, that's, I'm like that as well. There's something

KIm:

about, and that's why pleasure is so important because for every releasing practice or for every healing practice or for every deep session, we really want to infuse more and more pleasure. Normally about three to one or five to one, sometimes more of pleasure to calm the nervous system to hold us, to fill our cup because there's a lot of body work there and there's a lot of stuff we haven't processed. I don't know. I'm sure you read it. Body keeps the score which is really popular. It's a heavy book. Integrate space. Don't read it because it's very heavy or listen to it on audible, which is much easier, but it still has, but we hold so much in our body. So yeah, a lot of the work that I do is very sematic because yeah, we can do a little bit up here, but we need to get into the body. What is living there? What is, what's your fear? This could be even like going into business. I work with clients and business as well because they see. That all of these things, voice being seen, their boundaries, speaking the truth all comes back into their business. So if they work on themselves, their business just really real, that was a hand reaction to those who are listening on the podcast, expanding and blowing up. So there's a lot of bodywork, but we can work with fears. Why are you afraid to be seen? Why are you afraid to public speak? What's coming up with speaking your truth and what you want to offer right now. You said some people really want to get into this word. What are your fears around it? What if you show up online as a sexuality coach, does that freak you out? Let's see what's under there. There's so much we can do. And that's where the empowerment and the sexuality and everything comes back together. And not everybody works with sexuality with me. I have found the biggest place we have been disempowered the biggest. And if they like this quick portal to accessing all of us were really quick and really building this trust and this intuition. Yumminess of coming home and our body. And knowing that if I show up and say, I'm going to do this on the internet or interwebs or wherever I'm grounded, I'm good. I'm locked in this because I'm following my intuition, my inner knowing it's in my body. Yeah. And

Pam:

I'm curious, cause as we were talking a little bit about trauma and I'm thinking about a couple of the women that I work with that are. Really passionate about working with women around their sexuality and their connection to self our moms that have young kids. And they're like, as the idea of being a mom, first of all, and you hear, I think back to like when all of my friends were having kids and the husbands were complaining that none otherwise want to have sex because they just had kids and blah, blah, blah, and all the different things that husbands complained about. Right. And. Not taking into account or consideration things like how much trauma people experience women experience giving birth. And so when we talk about, you talk about your trauma of sexual assault, but just having children can mean traumatic from a nervous system perspective,

KIm:

which then. Yes, it can be traumatic. There's a lot of trauma created in healthcare. And I also hold that in my body as being, as Maddick spending a lot of months and weeks in the hospital as a young child, like joke that a hundred years ago, I would not have survived. Right. Like with all the things we can do in hospitalized care now with asthma and so forth. But yeah, there's a lot of trauma in there and there's thing that may help people understand. Even just libido after children, young kids and so forth, like we have these breaks and we have this accelerator and this comes from what's the book come as you are, which is fabulous book. But we have, these accelerators in these breaks and some of us have really sensitive accelerators and they turn us on and we're like, yeah, Men, but not always. And some women too, but for the majority, a lot of men have the really strong gas. They're like, let's go. I want to go. And we also have this break and that can be the buildup that can be trauma. That can be stress. Cause the kids have been like hanging off you all day. That can be because you had to go to a PTA meeting and listen to. Whatever there's can be a lot of craft there too. Right? So we have these brakes and accelerator and some of us have a really sensitive gas accelerator. And some of us also have a really sensitive break. And if we're pushing on. Not it's happening. No, nobody has juice in turned on and feeling alive and free. Our tanks are empty and we can also have all tons of different variations that we can have a really light libido, really light gas, but a light brake as well or heavy brake. And it just depends. And normally not always, but a lot of the female identifying humans are taking on the care and the career and. The housekeeper and all of this stuff, and it's totally shutting us down and it leads into adrenal fatigue and hypothyroidism is, and depression and numbness and anxiety, but it can be changed. It really can be changed. Yeah.

Pam:

So what is, what do you do with women to change that the clients that you're working with, what are you doing to help them? That dynamic for themselves. Cause I'm just thinking about, I have a mini series that I'm doing within the podcast that is like specifically about moms, motherhood. And these are some of the things that I'm hearing, right? Like just the idea of having to run. I always call it like being the CEO of the. Like having to run all the things and like even I have the most loving, supportive husband ever, and he will do anything that I tell him to do, but I still have to tell him to do it.

KIm:

And that's exhausting in itself. Yes. Like

Pam:

how many times can he say what can I do to help? And you can just know what's already in my head. That's what you can do to help. That'd be great. Yeah, there's

KIm:

a few things there and that's a big one because many women will not ask for help. So that's number one. It really depends what my clients need, because some people are fine with that. Right. Some people are not able to receive the help. So we would work on that. Some people. Just haven't created enough time and space for themselves. They feel like they don't deserve it. They're not worthy of it. I can't tell you how many times that is an underlying message underneath that almost all of us carry. And this also stems into a lot of the conditioning we've lived with as women and female identifying humans like. It's only been the last 40, 45 years that we've been allowed to have a credit card without a husband or a man or dad signing for us own a house. Like it's only been less than 50 years for these things. So it makes sense that we're still learning how to fit in to this world, how to reclaim our bodies, how to reclaim our voice, our boundaries, receiving, asking for what we want. So much things. So many things. Feeling sexy. There's that there's feelings in there. I can't be a mom and be sexy anymore. It's a lot of shame built in there. Even if it's not trauma, there's a lot of shame and conditioning. So depends what a client wants. We can play with any and all of those things, because that falls into the empowerment that falls into the sexuality that falls into the pleasure realm. It falls into all of it.

Pam:

Yeah. It's amazing how many things are wrapped into the work that you're

KIm:

doing? It all comes back to us. Yeah. So

Pam:

what kind of stands out for you? What's the thing that you're like, oh, when somebody comes to me with this stuff going on, I'm like, I'm. So, cause I definitely have, clients or stories that I'm like, yes, that's

KIm:

the work that's who I want to. Yes. You

Pam:

come. What is the work that you just absolutely above all the other stuff that you're doing just love in is like the closest to your heart.

KIm:

I think the biggest thing. Is teaching and showing women through reclaiming all of these boundaries in places they've been disempowered by reconnecting to their body is cultivating this incredible deep trust in themselves, in their bodies, so that no matter what they can show up and know that they've got this, even if the world falls apart around them, that is the biggest thing. It's clearing all of these layers of conditioning, shame, worthiness of enoughness of fears, and coming back to trusting our bodies, to trusting what they're telling us, to trusting our intuition, to feeling that turn on zing. There's fewer, the ways I use turn on, but feeling that, oh, this feels good. And Nope, I don't want to do that. Like really trusting themselves so they can use themselves as their own competence. It's already in them and that's a big thing. There's nothing to fix. There's nothing to fix. It's all already.

Pam:

Yeah, we're born aligned. We're born aligned with tuned in aligned knowing, and it gets trained out of us. Yeah.

KIm:

If you look at a two year old they're aligned, they're like, no, yes. Screaming fit, emotions flow. That's a big one as well. Emotions allowing our emotions to move through our body. There's so many places that we've been shut down, disconnected disempowered put away silenced and, We've hidden. So to reclaim all of those, we can come back into our alignments are entering yumminess and core of who we are. That is the biggest thing. Yeah. Yeah.

Pam:

As you just said that two year olds, do you think about two year olds are all about pleasure. They only want, they want

KIm:

don't make them twirling, dancing, screaming. Yes.

Pam:

I think about the things, like what they're eating, how they're spending their time, what the, you know, it's only the things that's the age where no, I'm not eating that. No. Nope. And just thinking about it from a parenting perspective if you're out there, if you're a mom listening and you're raising little girl, little girls little humans, really big, but this is such an issue with. With us, this is an issue for us

KIm:

and with us, he raised them differently to raise them differently.

Pam:

When you start to embrace the, that there's nothing wrong with my child because she wants to just spin off. It's because she's enjoying the experience of what that feels like. And when we go no stop, don't do that. It's our own shit. Shit.

KIm:

We've been taught it. And our parents isn't taught it and their parents have been taught it, but it's time to stop that cycle. Toxic really of we're just doing it because we were told to do it. We're just doing it. Cause that's, you ever hear yourself repeating what your mother said. We talked about that quickly, right? We just repeating, and then we get to go with. Do I really believe in that right now. My daughter has been calling me out on that stuff recently, too. I'm so open with her and I'll say something, cause she'll remind me about teenage dating or something recently. And I'll be like, oh, I don't remember what I said. She goes really mom. Like I was like, oh yeah, that was my teenage boys that came out. Don't know where that came from. That's not what I believe. So I love that. She calls me on that. Yeah.

Pam:

And the only way people in your life. Is if you have if you're true to you, right? Because if you didn't know who you were and you, weren't stepping out into the world as who you are with your messages and what you're sharing, then she wouldn't be able to identify it. And she wouldn't be able to misidentify it. Shouldn't be able to say really what's going on there. It doesn't

KIm:

sound like you. And yeah,

Pam:

she would buy into the same bullshit that you bought.

KIm:

Yeah, right. Totally. We've started a new little game. Totally not planning it, but a few weeks ago she was, getting stressed out. She had things to do. I pay her to cook a few times a week and you can do this with your kids. It's totally fun. And she's mom, no, like she said it very calmly. I can't do this tonight. Whatever I'd asked her to do, I've got this, and this to do. And I was like, Nice boundary setting. And then I walked away, I've done this a few times and then this weekend she wanted to go shopping and I took her and I'm on the way she was like, oh, my friend is going to come and we're going to do this and this and this. And I was like, okay, she can come, but then I'm going to leave because she's not going to arrive. And then you're going to dump me. It's just not happening. So I'm going to leave. I'm not going to follow you around. I can get that. I totally get that nice boundary setting. Mom was like, yes, well, we started this little game and it's good. Really good.

Pam:

Yeah. And getting them to, it was a great, in that sense or a great way to to get her thinking on the inside and her being able to identify the same thing that you're identifying,

KIm:

And speaking up and speaking her truth and calling out people when something's wrong, you do not need to sit there and hurt yourself because somebody wants to do something.

Pam:

Right. Right. I know. I often talk. To my daughter, I'd have to, a lot of people that I talked to my daughter often about you can say, no, you're allowed to say no and you didn't have to give a reason you're allowed to just be like,

KIm:

no example of how many times do we tell our kids 4, 5, 6. No. Hello,

Pam:

give them a hug and just say, I never been told right.

KIm:

Well, while drag, because we have been taught that, right. That's an example of just something we're just doing over and over and don't even know why we're doing it. Yeah, go ahead. No, I was just gonna say it's one

Pam:

of those things when we were talking about, we start out a. And then we shape our children by saying like the, go give your uncle, your creepy uncle a hug. And there's a reason why you're avoiding that. That my kid at two is avoiding that person. And my mom would often say to Marley, she's the youngest of all the grandchildren. And she'd be like, and my mom would often say, and she was tiny, like this cute little thing, go give so-and-so a hug. And I would say you don't have to let anybody touch you that you don't. Wow. That's

KIm:

amazing.

Pam:

But that's because, as I said, as a therapist, I was like, what do I need to do to not fuck up my kid and have her walking down the path that so many of us walk down of? I'm just going to give away. I'm just going to give I have to give you my power to you just because you showed up in my life and you decided you want to take my point.

KIm:

No. Yeah. You earn it. They want, I want to give you a hug or whatever I will. And if I don't that's okay. Correct. Yeah. Something I would have done differently to it while I will going forward. Grandchildren are assume that well, not, yeah, sometime in the next 10 years, sometime in the next 10 years I got 21 year old to if the temper tantrum, when they go on the floor and they're like crying and wailing and instead of that's enough stop that it would be no. Yeah, you must be really angry right now. Like what else do you have? Show me whatever that may be like. Allowing them to have their emotions. So many of us were taught that emotions are not okay.

Pam:

And it's funny. I feel like as parents, we don't think about. We, because we think about we go, if my kids having a temper tantrum in the middle of the grocery store, it reflects on me as being a bad parent. And that's what I get wrapped up in that I'm a bad parent because my kids having a tantrum, well, my, your child's trying to, she's trying to communicate. That's why she's responding the way that she's responding to the situation

KIm:

and completing a stress cycle. And it's totally okay.

Pam:

Yes. Yes. Yeah. I talk about that a lot with the whole vagus nerve and the fight or flight and completing a stress cycle. And there's a reason why zebras aren't fat because they complete, they don't, they're not hanging on to all this cortisol that's causing damage and digestive issues and thyroid issues and all the things that it causes. I mean, I can talk about that. Eternity that's I geek out on that hardcore.

KIm:

There's so much there so much, and it lives in our bodies. And that's why, when we haven't received this type of parenting in the past, we can start to see what's there. Start to unpack what is ours? What is not, what do we believe in? What's true to us. I want to say that like some of my beliefs or thoughts, it doesn't mean that they're my clients as well. Right. It's really, what's their truth. What did they want to follow and really unpacking all of that. It's really a beautiful journey. Yeah.

Pam:

Oh man. I love the work that you're doing. It's amazing. So how did the transition happen for you? Cause you were like, I did some of this work. I was doing it. What were you doing prior to this? What you're doing?

KIm:

Yeah. So I was submerged in this work. Let's just be honest there. I got jumped in hard, but I also had been doing coaching in one form or another for the last 25 years. We didn't call it coaching way back when it was actually counseling, which is like totally illegal to call now. But you know, I owned a rate management center and was working with people for. Seven years of my own center. I transitioned to a couple of other little jobs where I was like having team underneath me. We've always owned our own businesses and I also am a master photographer. So I've stopped that work in the last four years. But I was also working with a lot of newborn moms. So I'm master photographer in jail. Mainly newborn work and I'd sit with, four or five hours of my newborn moms. And a lot of the times spent feeding and I just sit and talk with them. And a lot of them were struggling. Right. That was part of the issues, depression. Can't sit there in pain, all of these things. So I spent a lot of time over the years, really coaching in many different ways. And then I got the merged into the works that I went into, started my own journey, really reclaimed all of these areas that we've talked about and. Just reconnected. This is actually my signature sexy back approach, which is reclaim all of those things that we've been disempowered in that we don't feel good reconnect to our bodies, our sensuality, our turn on our zester, our light for life. And then remember step into it. You do, you hit this level of remembrance and trust in who the fuck you are. And it just

Pam:

yeah, it becomes the language that I use is re you become realigned. You become realigned to your connection, to self your connection to source, and then it becomes, and then you can, once you're there, you can lock it in and all the other things flow from that place. Yeah. So then

KIm:

I got certified specifically, like I wanted more coaching certification. I thought I needed it. That was fun because I went through it and I was like, I've been doing this for 25 years. Okay. What's funny at the time. Okay. But I was happy to have it. And then I got recertified as well in sex love-hate relationships which is a year long. I've spent over probably 12, 1500 hours now on, on that. Cause it goes into my majors as well, which is female sexuality, tantric sex, and then a relationship transformation as well. So epic journey. Trauma certifications and more Thomas certifications and just really staying deep in the work for myself, for my clients. I absolutely love it.

Pam:

What I always think is interesting. And it's part of the reason why I hadn't I could see the pieces of what you were doing, but didn't know sometimes people are like, I came from this job this career, and I'm over here doing this career, but what's always fascinating to me is that where we in. Is a path that we've been on, realize we were on the path or not. And so I want to talk about being a photographer, working with newborn moms and. Like the work that you're doing with them yeah, they're paying you. They were at the time they were paying you as a photographer, but they're getting way, way more than

KIm:

that. Right.

Pam:

Because this is a calling for you. There's something that you've been called to like help, help people do this work.

KIm:

Yeah. All the way through all the way through. Yeah.

Pam:

Wow. That's amazing. So I know you said you're working, you work with women and those who identify through this process and you do one-on-one work. What others, what are you offering? What are the things that you're doing with people right now? Do you have courses, programs, offerings what does that look

like?

KIm:

Yeah. So I work with singles and couples. So I work with actually all genders. I love my couple of work as well because it includes some couple of work, but also so lower, which my clients love. If they don't want it, we can tweak it, but it's a really, a beautiful way to go deeper on your own and in couple of work. So work with clients privately generally for a six month term, we have a free call first, a free discovery call and make sure it feels aligned and see what they're looking for. So that's one of my big things. I only have a limited. Spots every six months, that's all I work with. And then from there I launched a couple of programs through the year. Right now I have actually just opened up my membership, which is my sacred pleasure membership, but it just so juicy and fun. And it started in may. And I love this. I've priced it like really low it's only$44 a month because I want more people to be able to take advantage of this work. And I should say it's$44 a month until the end of may then at 64. But I really. For an opportunity for people to get one-on-one coaching in hot seat coaching in a group container, there's two sessions a month that are live and it's all recorded and everything stored in their backend portal. That's private for them. I drop in more prep practices through the month. This month breast massage went in there, grounding and balancing practice. I'm also guiding them through in the second session a month, it's live different practices to ground their nervous system, to light them up, turn them on, reconnect all of this. There's so much yumminess in there, and those are the two main things. Is there anything else? I have a JD course on my website. That's amazing as well. It's a self-paced. Yeah, but those are the main things. Yeah, I keep it pretty simple and really focused. Yeah.

Pam:

I love that. You're that you're offering this offering of being able to work with individuals and couples in a one-to-one setting and that people can access that, but you're also making this work accessible by creating membership. And that's actually, I'm I have a membership that's launching soon as well for these exact same reasons. It's so for those of us that don't that struggled to put ourselves first.

KIm:

Or aren't sure or sure.

Pam:

Or are like starting to dip their toes into, maybe I want to do some of this self work on all these different layers and all these different levels and all these different struggles that I have going on. And I really feel like membership platforms are such a great way to do that because it does come at a, it is something that you can like test out and do for a little while. And if it is a good fit for you, you stay with it. And if it's not a good fit or if you need, or, you can shift around. So from a business perspective, I love that. And I love it for access for people to be able to access this kind of this kind of work.

KIm:

Yeah. I've made it no commitment. You can do one month. Like I've really created it around huge trauma awareness and allowing and permission to show up. However, you can show up if you want to show up with the camera. And just absorb. Totally cool. If you have questions you want to email me anonymously, I will answer them anonymously. If you want to show up alive and take advantage of everything we can, or if you just want to watch all the recordings in the portal, that's okay too, because I know this work needs to go worldwide. I know everyone needs it. This container specifically is for women and female identifying humans, but I know it needs to be in. And with the spectrum, but this one specifically for that, and yeah, it just allows so many people to come home in their bodies to start reconnecting, to deepen into their sensuality, to release the shame and conditioning that they know no is affecting them, that they don't want to hold any more, but don't know where to start and learn how to cultivate that amazing trust and confidence in their own.

Pam:

So when you talk about releasing some shame and not knowing where to start, If you've got listeners out that are like, oh my God the buckets of the barrels of shame that I'm carrying around in my life. And maybe this is something maybe I'm not ready to dive into doing any more work, but maybe this is something that I can like start to explore.

KIm:

Yeah.

Pam:

What would be your suggestion for dipping the toes into doing some of this this deeper,

KIm:

literally I'd say, get in the membership, like start to put your toe in and see. How does this feel? Is it an intuitive, I want this, but your nose is stressful. And you're like, I don't know. You're always going to be fearful of this work. We're talking thousands of years of conditioning to not being in our bodies, to not feeling good in our bodies to being the good girl. Okay. Just check in. Does it feel like an intuitive? Yes. And do you want to lean in, and if you don't want to jump all the way to a free discovery call and see what private coaching is about. Okay. Like just jump in and try some of the practices, see what comes up, ask some questions and then I offer free discovery calls for everyone. So even if you thinking down the road that you want to learn more now, Hop on a call and I'm sure you have all the links and if not, I'll send them to you for you to drop in the show notes. And yeah just start if you're hearing this and you're like, oh, I wish, but the is our cute little brains telling us why we can't and our conditioning. So if you're still feeling called, try it, just try it.

Pam:

I love that. I love that there's embracing, like you get to, I mean, the beauty of being a human being over the age of 18, I mean, certainly can do this under the age of 18 as well. But over the age of 18 is that you're in adults who are using air quotes, right? You're an adult. And so you get to decide, you get to choose and and this is a choice that you can make for

KIm:

yourself. And that's the hard part. There's so many of us walking around in our adult life. With this conditioning, this still tells us we're bad. We're wrong, we're doing it wrong. We're never going to catch up or, be at that standard. And it's bullshit. It is total utter bullshit, total bullshit. So stop listening to those stories and literally start finding. And if I don't align with you totally. Okay. If you want other suggestions, I know over a hundred coaches that I can give you ideas and suggestions. Just start. Yeah.

Pam:

I love that. I think, I feel like as a, as somebody who's oh, dive in and do some self work. I feel like I, I often get stuck and I work with a lot of women who often get stuck in the taking action. Right. I'm a think about it on listen to what you say. I want to contemplate it and then we'll listen to a 14 more podcast episodes about it and I'm still not going to take action on it. And I love that. Yeah. It's just so simple. Just start. Just take

KIm:

action. Yeah. For many of us, it takes a life rupture to go that's enough and I'm going to do the work. And one of the thing I could leave you with is don't wait to that. You can really enjoy these years with your kids, with your family, with yourself, just don't wait.

Pam:

Yeah. And also on the other end of the spectrum, it's never too late.

KIm:

Absolutely. Absolutely. I know. 60 year old women doing this work and it's incredible. Yeah. That's awesome. So Kim

Pam:

never say, I love that. I

KIm:

love like it's never a podcast. Hm. I think it's probably around one 15. I have a podcast to get your sexy back, of course. Cause you know, business and it was me and harmony about is never too late. It's somewhere in the hundred, 100 that you can check out those really good.

Pam:

Yeah. Nice. I love that it can wear, so you

KIm:

have a podcasts. Yes.

Pam:

Where else are you hanging out other than your podcast? Where can people find you? Where can they hear more from you learn more about you?

KIm:

Yeah. So my website is get your sexy back.ca for Canada in case you're like what's the I have my podcast. Get your sexy back. I have my private Facebook. Get your sexy back. I use my personal Facebook page on Facebook. So literally you can find me Kim coffin or follow whichever you're more comfortable with on IgG. I am get your sexy back coach with underscores in between each and those are the main places. Is there anywhere else? No, those are the main places. Yeah. Nice. And I am on LinkedIn actually. I'm on LinkedIn too. I know my VA does a lot of it. It's all on it. You can find me most places by my name or get your sexy back coach. Yeah.

Pam:

Perfect. Perfect. And I'll link all that stuff up so people can find you easily. And I know that when we first connected, you're like, if you didn't get an email from me, make sure you check your spam folder because

KIm:

get your sexy back. It's going to the junk. And actually, I have a free grounding and balancing practice, in there too. If you need some regulation, if you need some pleasure, if you need some resourcing, that practice totally free practice, and it will go to your junk bin when you sign up, because that's where it goes for.

Pam:

You're signing up if you're like, yes. And you clicking on it, you know, you're

KIm:

signing up.

Pam:

Check your junk man. Awesome. Awesome. Awesome, Kim, thank you so much for being here. I really appreciate it. And I love all the things that you're doing. It's absolutely amazing. And guys, if you were listening and there's a component or anything in the show today that you feel inspired by be sure to reach out. As I said, I'll link both of our contact information up in the show notes and you can reach out and let us know what you're thinking, what you're feeling and how you're experiencing today. So, thank you so much for being here and just want to remind you that I appreciate the hell out of you. I'm so glad you're here. And I look forward to seeing you all next week. Take care.