The Peaceful Home

Episode 30: The Messy Truth- Mom's Series: Surviving Summer and Actually Having Fun with Casey Cormier

May 24, 2022 Pamela Godbois
The Peaceful Home
Episode 30: The Messy Truth- Mom's Series: Surviving Summer and Actually Having Fun with Casey Cormier
Show Notes Transcript


Mom's Facebook Group

In this episode of the Messy Truth- the Mom's series on the OOYM Podcast, Casey and I got down to it quick, talking about our recent summer preview and how to make the shifts you want for your summer with your kids. Explore the need for balance, the desire to feel good and how to get there in a way that works for you, your family and your community.   

If this episode inspired you in some way, take a screenshot of you listening on your device and post it to your Instagram Stories and tag us, @pamgodboiscoaching and @societyofmessymoms


In this episode you’ll hear:

  • The struggles of finding balance and what balance looks like for us. 
  • Strategies to make summer lighter, less pressure, and more fun for everyone.  
  • How to use the Law of Attraction to draw into your life what you want more of, including all the good qualities we want for ourselves and our kids. 
  • Utilizing community resources is key for summer success.  Let's chat about how to do that! 
  • How to stay connected and build community this summer. 


LINKS:

Pam's Website: https://pamgodbois.com

Mom's Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/messybits



Connect with me:  Instagram, Facebook, and Tiktok


If you’re like “I love listening to Pam chat with guests.” Then head over and write a review! We really appreciate your support and it helps us to keep growing!!  https://pamgodbois.com/ApplePodcast Thank you so much for listening to this week’s episode. Be sure to tune in next week.



The best thing you can do for yourself and your kids is effectively regulate your nervous system. And a great place to start >> to wire the brain for gratitude. Research tells us that gratitude increases happiness and a peaceful mindset. Make the shift and watch how things in your life start to change. Sign up today! www.pamgodbois.com/gratitude

Today, Casey. Casey. And I had a chance to sit down and chat about all things summer. So if you're a mom who's worried, stressed, overwhelmed, or excited about the coming summer. This episode is for you. Lots of laughs. Lots of amazing ideas. And strategies to keep yourself and your little ones sane on the hot summer days.

Pam:

Welcome back here. We are. Once again, in the messy truth series of the adding remind podcast, everybody Casey and I just hanging out chatting about all things motherhood. And one of the things we were talking about earlier today was. Uh, so we're in new England and we've had a crazy heat wave, not today, but we have two days of 90 plus today, like fall, it's beautiful, but we had two days of 90 plus temperatures the last couple of days and it gave us a little like summer preview. Cause that's what summer is like here for sure. And. As we were talking about this, the recognition that it is may, it's like almost the end of may. Kids are out of school very soon. And I'm talking to Marley about you've got a couple of weeks, I'm like very curious what they're doing in school. These last couple of weeks of school at seventh grade. Right. Are they, is it more academics? Is it more fun stuff? Like I know in elementary school it's a ton of fun stuff, but what's actually going on and I think it's getting closer and closer to, and realer and realer that we're going to have. Two and a half months home, not in school and the world's kind of open again for the most part. So there's stuff that can be done, but one of the struggles that comes up for me and then maybe comes up for other moms too, is this whole I got a 13 year old who for the entirety of her life, quite honestly, because she's an introvert and she'd rather be at home, but now more so than ever is it's hot. I just want to stay in the air conditioner with my phone and I'll see you in seven hours. Don't talk to me. And you, what did you do this

Casey:

weekend? Oh man, my kids, they, it takes a lot for them to not want to be outside. Which I love, but honestly, there are days that I'm like, you're going to get heat stroke. Cause they're not always good about drinking water and staying hydrated. So they'll just tear around for hours, even in 95 degrees and come in like half dead because they haven't had any

Pam:

water.

Casey:

So yeah, we were, we did, we had baseball. We had, I forget what we did on Saturday. But

yesterday

Pam:

you got to go. I got to go to Lowe's to get plants for the garden.

Casey:

And then yesterday we were at lake center. For the day and they had the time of their lives, the water was frigid. But we braved it and yeah, we had an awesome

Pam:

time. Yeah. It's like we have a, as I'm looking at your pictures on social media of you guys at some, a PM is this a glimpse into what the summer is going to be for both of them? I mean for you? I hope so for me, I hope not. But part of this conversation is what w what do you do? Cause I remember when your kids specifically, because Marlene was older we're babies and we would like, let's go to the ocean. And the amount of things you have to pack up. And the, I know

Casey:

yesterday I was riding the struggle bus, getting all of our stuff down and then it's, it's like fine when you're going down onto the beach, because things are likely more organized and compact. But also like the temperature then coming off the beach and into the parking lot and away from like the breeze on the lake or the ocean, wherever you are is like crippling because it was still 97. It was 96 degrees. When I got into and

Pam:

the AC in my car. It needs to be charged. So we're riding home from the nice

Casey:

refreshing beach trip, sweating to death until we got until we got home. But yeah, it's, it is interesting. It's hard, balancing that out because there, there are days that my kids just want to go, go, go, go, go. And I'm like, but can we just not. Can we just sit in their conditioning and where you're navigating some of the flip side of that with wanting to balance out the sitting in the AC and actually getting out and doing certain things. It's I think balance is just continues to be the operative word in life and trying to find, fun thing, in Marley's situation, certain things that would, it will pull her out of. Feeling comfortable with

Pam:

right now, right? Yeah. And I'm just thinking about like the, the struggle because you and I, before we, before I hit record and we talked about this all the time, I genuinely enjoy Marley's company. You genuinely enjoy spending time with your kids, but that's not the case for everyone. And that's not like a, there's no judgment there. If you're like, God, wouldn't that be nice. I hate spending time with my kids. I get it. I get it. Some children are a little bit more challenging, whether it's behaviorally or whatever. And sometimes it's hard. If you're a, if you're a mom, Lena, you're a stay at home mom and you've got four kids home with you all really young, it's going to be hard to get feel like you can safely go to a lake or go to the pond or go to a pool or the ocean or whatever, whatever your resources are. So finding that finding ways, not just to cool off, right. Cause I think that when they were little, I remember when Marley was super little, we had the little water table and a little while back and the little, all the things that worked just fine. And then, in the days of napping and it was like play for a little while. Nap have lunch play for a little while nap. Then you get to a place where you're like, okay, what do we do with our time?

Casey:

Right. And when you have to fill when nap time, isn't an option anymore, or, that can, it's a double-edged sword because you miss those days, but it can also be a hindrance when you have to work around nap time, but then when you don't have nap time and you have kids. Okay. We have to fill the next, what 12, 14 hours worth of time. And I, one of the things that I'm, I'm just trying to set myself up for success this summer with not, not feeling guilty on days that we don't do anything super fun, but also creating some loose. Structure. So we have, or at least ideas of things to do okay, it's Monday, here are some things that we could potentially do this week based on whether or not, all the things. Cause they don't want to have a rigid schedule, but I also don't want to have no schedule. That's I'm

Pam:

trying to work, work with that a little bit. I find the middle. Yes. The middle path. Yep. Yeah. And I'm just thinking here we happen to be very fortunate in the, we have a. We have an amazing library that has a great children's program and lots of stuff. And so even on those days where you're like, no, I don't want to drive to the lake or to the ocean or whatever. And your kids both love to read. They love books. Which is, if you're out there going, my kids don't love to read. I promise you that if you take them to the library regularly, it will shift. I promise you there's so much research that says the kids, kids that don't love. I don't love to read because they haven't had the exposure. And, and sometimes that means like having the exposure to the types of books that they like. And we don't sometimes as parents were like, this was my favorite book as a kid. And then we like hand them this book and they're like, this is true. This is trash. I don't want to read this. So, so, and being able to embrace who they are and I'm one, am I going to these friends? It was probably maybe for third or fourth grade. Marlene has always been a bookworm. She started, I mean, she started reading before kindergarten. Like getting like those little, I can read chapter books. Like the kindergarten teacher was like, does she just memorize these? And Nope, give her a new one handed her new ones. She would read it. But she had a friend. Then third grade mom was always like, she hates during chats to reach, hates, to reach, hates, to read. And then she found these Like puppy rescue books or animal rescue, like chapter books or whatever. And Marley's friend really, really, really likes these books. And so she started reading them and and then, and then there was like this, she still doesn't want to read. And they realized that she couldn't see, like she needed her eyes checked, they got her eyes checked and then she got reading glasses, she got glasses and she was able to see and stuff. So sometimes the, I don't like to read, or I don't want to read, or reading's boring is because of other obstacles. I have nothing to do with how they actually feel about reading. So it's just something to keep in mind if you're like my kids, I wish my kids liked to read, but there's lots of things that you can do. Our library has the Lego club where in elementary school and there's lots of really cool. They do lots of crafts and activities and stuff, and

Casey:

they also have the. Like they have discounted or free tickets to, for admission to certain places around.

Pam:

I always forget about that. I

Casey:

know I do too, but then like we've gotten insane deals even on the Boston aquarium, the children's museums in New Hampshire and yeah. They have a lot of awesome

Pam:

resources there. Yeah. So if you are not connected with your local library, check it out. Maybe they got some stuff. Help keep your summary. Exactly. Because I feel like summer is, our, our kids, there's like this component of if, if your kids are school aged or even if they're in daycare or whatever, there's this component of there's so much structure and rigidity during the school year and you want them to have freedom, but then at the same time, you don't want to lose your damn mind. Right. And so you're like, how do I balance this? How do I, how do I make this work? And sometimes it's. Uh, like I remember years worth of Marlene inviting a friend over. And it was, there was really the best days I had, it was, she and a girlfriend would go up to her room and pull out the American girl play for hours. And I was like, okay, all right. Yeah, the, the idea of Just having doing stuff that they don't normally

Casey:

get to do. Yeah. I'm also, I'm trying, with only having one currently in school, I'm trying to get on his level in terms of, I remember the excitement, I loved school. And so does he, but I remember the excitement of being out for the summer and now, like I get to do what I want all day long, no rules, not no rules, but yeah, you just can. The outside from sunup to sundown, you can just, you don't have times where you have to

Pam:

be doing certain things necessarily. This is his first year of that. Yeah,

Casey:

because we had everything got super wonky for us with COVID because he wasn't in person and we kept him remote for most of last year. So this is his first place. I've been in school for the entire school year, and now I get a summer break. Right. And because he's

Pam:

in second grade. So like COVID was two years long, basically. Right. So kindergarten and first grade were a wash, as far as that goes, at least Marlene has frame of reference prior to yeah. This is like the start of his

Casey:

school career. So it's, I'm trying to remember the excitement and not take wind out of anyone's sales and. Make it fun for me to, do things that are fun for them, but are also at least partially enjoyable for adults involved.

Pam:

And I find I don't feel like I did this enough with Marlene when she was little. And so now she's apathetic about it. Allowing them to like plan activities, like pulling out the iPad or pulling out the, the the hippo or like the, whatever, the, whatever resources you have that say what's going on and start to look at okay, what are the lakes we happen to live in a state where there's tons of lakes and state parks. And one of the resources here is that we both have state park plates, which means that we pay for it once. And then we try to use them as often as possible. And that means that. It doesn't cost a whole lot to go to the state park for the day or whatever. Right. And so being able to go what are our favorite state parks? And you guys have favorites, right. And making a list of those and going, okay. Which ones we want to make sure we get to this year, which ones we want to check out. We haven't been to before and just starting to get creative with that and letting them. Start to choose Marlene. Now at 13 is what? Which ones have bathrooms? Which ones have snack bars? Which ones have what kind of resources are there? She loves Sunapee because there's bathrooms and there's a snack bar and she can get ice cream there. She wants. And she brings her own money because of course she has her own business, so she's got money. So she's I'm going to just bring my own money. I'm like, great. But yeah, there's. Being able to have them involved in, and those things have to just be trips. It could be like a. Like your kids love Legos. Oh, I do too. I know you go there. Can we do Legos? Yeah. And it may be like trying to, uh, letting your kids be creative and doing the day, having a, having a couple of like themes where you're like, all right, we're gonna, build the coolest castle you can with Lego's and we're going to work. You're gonna re build your own. Individually, you're going to work together as a group. What are we going to do? And then you just create these challenges so that you can have an ongoing project. Might be loves. She isn't, she loved Legos, but she's into puzzles right now. And we've got this really cool puzzle. For Christmas, maybe that was a hummingbird and a flower, but there's no edges. Well, I mean, there's edges, but the puzzle itself was just, it was like the flour and the hummingbird. It wasn't like a square circle or whatever. It was just the actual what is in the picture is as if you took a picture and put it on Canva. Right. And remove the background. And so you just have the objects, that's what it was. And it, and she's can you give me like 20 of these? And I was like, yeah, I'll look into it. I have them at the hardware store. I just keep forgetting. I'm going to make note of that and pick that shit up. But I think this idea of feeling like we have to be on the go instead of getting some resources, taking out library books regularly making sure that you have Legos or puzzles or one of the other things that we still, that we still do that I did when she was really little and we started doing again, is I just bought a roll of butcher paper. Yes. And we just tape it to the table. Yep.

Casey:

Go to town. Yeah.

Pam:

And it's a, it's a fun, especially when your kids are little, it's fun to like to do it the same size as your table. You can do it over your table, so you're not gonna have a mess. Right. And then you can let them paint or draw or color or do whatever they want. Yeah. And then the beautiful thing is. Roll it up and throw it in the trash. Or if there's something specific you want to keep, you just cut it out, right. It doesn't have to, it doesn't have to stay there forever. And kids think it's really cool to draw on the table. Totally. Like I'm dying on the table. You're like actually it's paper, but all right, go with it. But just being able to get creative with the things that you're doing this summer, whether your kid is, a teenager or a little one, I think Allowing ourselves to be creative as is necessary for survival. Yeah.

Casey:

And for just enjoyment purposes, we're getting to a point that you are maybe not as excited for summer as them, but that you're not panicked about it or dreading it. Obviously we all go through those belts of time, but. I'm feeling, feeling pretty good, feeling good about the summer. It's going to be a good one. They're both of mine are fortunately at fun ages and there, obviously still need me, but they're, they can be independent. And I am not having full blown panic attacks when we're near water, because my almost eight year old is now a great swimmer and the almost five-year-old. Getting there with floaties, but he knows his limits and he's, I don't have to like,

Pam:

yeah, there's no longer like a, your float. He's not on yet. And he's running into the water and he's like pulling it out of the bag and getting them on. And I know, can you help me? Can you clip the back of the sport or whatever?

Casey:

So, and I'm just, I'm knowing how much they love the water. That's going to be one of our, one of our go tos. Flitting around to different

Pam:

state parks. Yeah. Yeah. I think we might do the same and I have a feeling that it's going to include some paddle boards this summer for us. Sweet. Again, I didn't get to paddle it all last summer. So we, the whole couldn't move my arm. Yeah, yeah, that'll do it. That'll do it. But by the time I could move my arm, it was August. And I was like, well, this is dumb. I'm not going to bother now. Yeah, man. It's crazy. It's crazy. The things. And just thinking about, I think there's, there's being prepared, like having stuff, having the snacks that your kids like to have and having the packing up for the beach and like having the things to do in the house. And there's like the emotionally being prepared, it's a big, big, right. It's kind of a big deal to. In your experience, what's worked for you to be emotionally prepared. Oh, that's a, that's a big question.

Casey:

My, the biggest thing that I have that I'm coming into now, and so I can reflect back on what hasn't worked. Is feeling more, as we have talked about more aligned with a lot of different things, I feel personally happier. I feel more connected with my kids. I feel more connected with my spouse, my environment, and I'm just, I'm feeling good about feeling good. I'm not dreading. Like much of anything right now, which for awhile I was, I felt every turn that I took, I was, I was up against an obstacle or a negative thought bubble that would just, have a domino effect into the next thing. And it was negative breeding negative. And now I'm, I'm definitely leaning more towards the positive breeding positive and. I'm just like chilling out. I'm I'm trying

Pam:

to relieve pressure

Casey:

from myself and I've had, I don't know. Well, I do know why I was going to say, I don't know why, but I do just unrealistic expectations for. The way that I parent and, as I mentioned in one of our previous episodes, my mother was a remarkable, remarkable woman and she made parenting look seamless, even though I know it wasn't, I never really saw her having the meltdowns of holy shit. Being a mother can feel like a. Train on fire sometimes. Right. So I had that. I put that on myself. I had the, well, shit, this wasn't very hard for her. Why am I struggling in this? Why am I so pissed at this? Why am I reacting in this way to this behavior? So digging into some of that and re focusing the way that I think the way that I am parenting and just trying to relax and let my kids be kids within certain confines, obviously. But just like getting on their level and enjoying them. That's I don't know if that even fully answers the question, but that that's just how. How and why I feel better about what this summer is going to be and just what the future holds. I'm more like, excited about seeing who they're turning out to be and loving their, them figuring out the things they're passionate about. And it's just, we're in a, we're in a good, good stride

Pam:

right now. Yeah. And I think the, for. I mean, we've, we've been on this journey together. You and I be like, I'm literally looking out my window at your house right now. This journey is not an easy journey. It's not like a, it's not oh, it was magic them hitting my stride. And we talked about this awhile back having nothing to do with podcast where we talked about like how we connect as human beings. Right. And that's so often, and I mean, we mentioned it in the podcast. I actually, now that I'm thinking about it, I feel like we mentioned in the podcast, but. We are a culture of complaining bitching about everything. And it's the only way we really know how to connect so

Casey:

weird. That is because it's genuinely true there. I have found myself complaining about things I don't even need to complain about or was

Pam:

it just

Casey:

Hey, this is something I know is like a relatable thing. Or someone says something to me and I'm like, God, I know it's just so terrible.

Pam:

But it is just that connective piece and it's bad Juju. Yeah. And it's, it's interesting because I remember having this very specific conversation with your husband. We were like walking the kids to school and And he said, I said something about okay, I'm off to help people figure out what they want to do with their lives. And he was like, oh, I need to book a session someday. I've got to figure out what I want to do with my life. And my response was, yeah, no kidding me too. And then I was like, wait a minute, that's an accurate, like what's going on here? So it's easy. It's very easy. And obviously, we were just joking around, but it was like, it's funny. How so quickly, I just slid into that place of. Some days, I figured out what I want to do with my life. And I got all these things to bitch about, but I really have nothing to complain about. I have nothing to complain about, but there's so many people around me in my life that complain about everything. And it's one of those things. It's one of those components of you're sitting at your kid's ball game with, uh, another parent and you don't know. Yeah. Like you just you're like we're sitting on the bleachers next to each other. Well, eight year olds are playing and, and what do you connect on? Yeah,

Casey:

fortunately, I will say fortunately for me, And for all of us, the parents on his team are amazing and we have all hit it off and it's been like an awesome little community, but yeah, in, in different, under different circumstances when there's you don't find common ground and you don't realize, oh, Hey, we like have a good thing going, let's complain, about the school system or the, whatever the way. Certain things happen in town or yeah, in that home, that's such a go-to for so many people and it, it drives me crazy. Not that I don't have, we all have things that drive us nuts about our partners. I'm sure. But it, yeah, that, that one bugs me a little bit. A lot of it because I don't know.

Pam:

I dunno. Well, I think some of that is that is not wanting to not wanting to shift into that vibration of like negativity because we know that whatever we put out there comes back, right. It doesn't matter what it is. What you put out the universe says, here you go. Here's more of it. And so if you're going to complain about the people in your. Your spouse, a friend uh, a family member in-laws right. We all were, we all have those like our parents, our siblings or whatever. Right. We all have those relationships where we're like, Ugh, this person does not think actor or, experience the world the same way that I do. So I'm going to complain about it. And. In that complaining, what we're doing is attracting more of that. Right. Versus, and this is one of my, like, how do you get through the summer tips with your kids is versus recognizing the people or in people, the things that you want to see more. And focusing on those things, you don't even have to reinforce them. You don't have to say you might say to your kid, nice job using your manners right. Or whatever, because you're trying to encourage them to continue to use their manners. You're not going to say to an adult at your kid's ball game or wherever that, or a family member Hey, nice job being positive. Right. You're just not, you're not going to say that. However, If it doesn't matter what you say, it matters what's happening in your head. So if you're aligned with or stuck with the complaint, then you're gonna get more of those things to complain about. If you're aligned with the, and focusing on and highlighting the well, so-and-so is really positive in that scenario or like, all right. I'm embracing this, or I'm loving this, or I really am grateful or appreciative of this experience or this person's behavior or whatever. Then you're going to get more of that, whether it's from that person or from other people in your life. And then you're going to attract to you the types of people that you want around you. It is no mistake that the parents on your kid's baseball team are aligned with what you want in your life, because you attract. Some powerful stuff. Yeah. Like you're like, all right, this is what I want in my life. This is what I need in my life. These are the types of people I want around me. This is about my experience to be it's so true because

Casey:

that, that has added so much to the experience in that, in that one situation in my life that it's been. So it's been such like a positive, fun. Experience for, for our whole family. It's a family affair every time, even on practice nights, it's like Abrams on the playground. Anthony's helping coach kicking it with the other parents. It's just been a really fun thing, but I do sometimes the way you phrase things and just a lot of mic drop moment,

Pam:

I mean, that's in, and we can do that with anything in any one. Any scenario, anything we want more of, would you

Casey:

say, so everything that you just said about everything that we were just talking about, would you say that

Pam:

that

Casey:

the people who are not bringing us joy and are exhibiting frustrating and negative behaviors or whatever? That, that by not like involving them in our lives, or I don't want to say cutting them out completely because for, for some relationships that's just not feasible or not what we ultimately want, but by not giving them a whole lot of our attention per se, that, that. Also not bring on the negative.

Pam:

Yeah. Yes, I would absolutely say that. And I, and when you say attention just to be totally clear for this. When I say yes to attention. I mean mental attention, I mean, mental effort, mental energy, I'm not talking about, oh, I didn't invite my, my cousin to my kid's birthday party because I'm sick of her bullshit. Uh, it's more like, you know, I mean, it's more than. Yes. Oh, we, it was a family party. This person, my cousin was invited and it's fine because I accept her for who she is. And I'm not interested in putting mental energy into that bullshit

Casey:

basically. Right. What I was not eloquently

Pam:

trying to ask. Okay. Yeah. But just being aware of that. We're always going to have people that show up in our lives that are putting our lives by design. They're there for a reason. They're there to challenge us in a way. And without those people, without those relationships, we would have no contrast. And so there's no contrast. You don't know what's there's no bad. There's no good. Right. So if you don't know what a shitty relationship is, you certainly don't know what a good relationship. Truth bums. So when you are like, oh, relationship sucks or, oh, I got to go to this thing with my, I always just say in-laws because for most people on the planet, we're like, oh, Amazon, it's ongoing my, my mom and my dad's siblings, spouses used to call themselves the Outlaws, but same, same concept. Right? Like those that your family, but not your family of origin, the people, the family that you married in. Oftentimes because our journeys are so different. Even though you're is like two members came together, but the journey is so different that like, when you bring, uh, these different energies together, it's interesting, like how we choose our partners or how our partners choose us or how we draw in. Right. Sometimes we like draw in. And we were talking about this uh, recently sometimes you draw into your life whether a spouse or friends or whatever, the vibrational frequency that you are at the moment. Right? So do you talk about the law of attraction for a moment you draw into your life, you attract into your life, the people that are most like you at the time, then you grow and evolve. And then sometimes those people grow and evolve as well. Sometimes those people fall away out of your life because they haven't grown or evolved. And sometimes those people are related to you and they follow you, even though you've grown and evolved and you're moving energetically, vibrational, you're moving away from them and their bullshit. But it's, they're kind of following you. Yeah. I mean, the, the truth of the matter is, is we've got. Recognize that. And we were talking about this. We talked to this couple weeks ago, the whole like emotional guidance system and that your emotions if you feel bad in a relationship, that's an indication that something has to change. Right. And if you feel good in a relationship, that's an indication that like you're on the right track. This is somebody you want to spend more time with. Right? That's somebody you want to experience as you want to have more of. And so the same holds true with our kids. That when we decide to focus on to put our energy and our awareness to the things that we adore about them, we see more things that we adore about them. So true. And it's not like at five, almost five, but almost eight. It's not and, and, and Marley at 13, she doesn't do everything. They don't do everything we asked them to do when we ask them to do it, or they don't, follow the rules and guides. It's not like we have like perfect children. I don't love to spend time with Marley because she's perfect because she's certainly not, I can't tell you how many times in a week's timeframe that I'm like, I need you to do this now. And I'm going to turn off your phone if you don't. And she's okay. And she goes, and does it like, cause she like the rest of us get sucked in. But being able to tune in to those things that are enjoyable, that are fun.

Casey:

That's definitely been a big shift for me that has helped immensely in my patience level in just our day to day. Overall wellbeing. And again, having two wild boys there, they're wild and it's not always super easy to navigate, but lately I've just been, I feel like I'm watching them from afar sometimes just. Witnessing who they are, who they're becoming

Pam:

they're they're just cool little

Casey:

kids. And I know I'm biased, but they're funny. They're like they have some of my sarcasm, a lot of my sergeants

Pam:

only do. So

Casey:

that of course makes them hilarious to me.

Pam:

But the thing is though, they're not to interrupt you, but the thing is that. So often as parents we're like, oh, that sassy little thing, like how dare you have this attitude with me or. I've heard this for years and years and years and years and years. The thing that drives me, the crazy where the, the craziest about my child is the thing that is from me. So just being able to be like they're they're a little sassy, a little sarcastic. We're a little, it can be a little fresh. Like I, how many times is Abraham, combined tried to smack your butt? it's not funny anymore. I got to do this thing that I'm working on. I know I'm trying to.

Casey:

Guide them

Pam:

with the

Casey:

even just the way, they'll jokingly. And I can tell when they're being legitimate, but typically they'll just push the envelope a little bit and let's see, let's see what I can get away with. So I'm guiding them in their sarcasm. They know when and where they're not fresh to other people. They just give it back to me and they know when they've done enough. Cause we'll be like, yeah, That's enough now you're getting, getting a little carried away. Right?

Pam:

So let's regroup. So I don't

Casey:

know parenting

Pam:

it's, it's so exhausting,

Casey:

but putting a different spin on it because I've lived in that place for a long time. I've loved being a mother since I became a mother, but I have used the. The it's just mind numbing. It's so exhausting. It's so hard. And it is, and it can be at times, but putting a different spin on it and that I get the

Pam:

privilege I get to, to

Casey:

be a mother makes me want to cry, probably going to,

Pam:

to those two kids. Yeah. And it's

Casey:

the greatest joy of my life.

Pam:

Yeah. And being able to like, embrace that, embrace the beauty of it, right? Like it's messy. Like mom hood is messy as hell and we never do it perfectly. Right.

Casey:

So it's not as we might. Right.

Pam:

Right. And I love there's a a business guy that I follow that says, uh, perfect is 70%. So with that understanding, embracing that concept of like 70% of the time I can show up in a way that is hopeful in a way that is loving in a way that is kind and compassionate and caring to myself and to the beings that I'm raising or have raised. Right. Because I was thinking about this on my way, home from the gym this morning. My, my mom is still a mom and I'm 45 and I've got a brother who's 11 years older than me. And that actually his birthday is next week. So he's going to be. If I'm 45, he's 56. He's gonna be 57 years old. She's still a mom. And she still goes through the, like the mom stuff. Yeah. That doesn't,

Casey:

that does not stop. It will never stop. Right. And so the lifelong journey. Yeah.

Pam:

And so you might not be like, what kind of crafts do I need to have for my kids? This. Right. But my mom goes through that with grandchildren, right. This grandchild is coming and this is their favorite snacks. So I'm going to get that, but you also worry about your adult children.

Casey:

Like I, my mom, I know when she left this earth, she had. Very good about where we were as humans and that she didn't have to worry about that, but I know if she were still here, she would be just constantly wanting to make sure everyone is good. Everyone's okay. And I, I see that for myself, a hundred percent.

Pam:

I'll

Casey:

be the annoying. Mom, who's checking in on her, 30 year old sons, if I make it that

Pam:

far and they'll be like, no other God, their significant others will be like, oh, cool. Crazy, Casey. I'm crazy. Mother-in-law I can't wait. I was like, so fun. That idea. But yeah, it

Casey:

is. It's also interesting to think about where the journey is going to lead because we get so enthralled and so encompassed in the stages and the phases that we're in. But it's also, it's fun to muse about what, what 20 or 30 years from now will look like, because it's going to be a whole different, whole different realm.

Pam:

We're so we're talking about that idea of what are kids dream of being. And embracing that. Yes. And also I, I feel like so often in the world that we live in, as parents, we try to, I'm resistant to saying this, I'm going to say it anyway, where we try to vicariously live through our children's experiences. And all that does is create turmoil in them. Right. And that's the you got to get good grades, you can get into the good school and so that you can do the thing. And so that you can go out and get a career. And so that you can let them know. But things that we, our society says is, are important is how you define success. Being careful as parents, as moms in particular. Cause we're like you were talking about last week, like the soft place to land, right? As moms in particular, I feel uh, a lot of the times is like being the person that's you got this, you have whatever you want by being able to embrace their dreams without cutting them off at the knees. I mean, you were saying, Oliver has decided he's gonna pull me, is going to be on the red Sox, play baseball for the red Sox, the amount of

Casey:

confidence that he comes at it with as well. Not for nothing. He's genuinely very good for his age. But I was, we were talking about this earlier that even if that were not the case, just the passion that he's bringing to the table,

Pam:

even if he was

Casey:

terrible. And he was like, I love this sport. I'm going places with it. I want to lift that. And hold that for him, fly sweet bird,

Pam:

do it 10. And the, he has confidence in himself. Not just because of external forces, not because he like hit the ball or whatever, his confidence in himself, because nobody's told him he has a reason not to be that's where, so those were sort of walking around going. I wish I had confidence in this thing. The reason you don't have competence is somebody told you you're not good at. Yep, Tim, to rewrite that story and don't write the same fucking story for your kids. Right. Just say, just embrace it, whatever it is. And it could change and who the fuck knows. Maybe he'll be a banker who knows? I can't imagine, but maybe he's very smart. He could also be a banker. So like whatever, who knows. If that'll be a thing in 30 years, it might be no more banks who knows. I don't know what's happening, but anyway, I have no insight into the what's coming in the world's economy. Whatever it is that he decides to do and seem brave, like whatever he decides to do, Marlin let's do a pastry chef show. I'm going to culinary school in Paris. It's culinary school in Paris. I'm like sweet. Let's do it. Yeah, I get it. Why big? Why chop those dreams down? Because on the other side as adults, we're moms listening to this are probably walking around going. Yeah, damn. What were my dreams? What did I really was I dreaming of being, because the, I

Casey:

think so often we think we're doing kids a favor and likely what our parents did and their parents before them doing you a favor to just soften the blow a little bit when it doesn't work out, when the thing that you're dreaming about doesn't pan out, instead of saying. You can do literally whatever you want. Yeah. And that can actually happen. It's just not the way either. They were taught to

Pam:

think or feel,

Casey:

or the way they fought society was set up for. But I think there's a big shift in all of that. And no, don't tell your kids that they can't flourish and do

Pam:

what they want. And so often when you hear stories of. Great success now of like athletes and stars and whatever. I mean, the stories, their stories, there's nobody that like hangs out in the middle of the night. Yeah. My parents said that I probably couldn't succeed, but they didn't really know like that. That's not, it's like my parents either championed me and it was like, you can do whatever you want. You're amazing rule. We will drop everything, will change. Everything will make everything work, whatever it is that you want, we'll make it happen. Or they grew up in an environment where nobody believed in a fucking thing. And so their reaction to that, their intrinsic reactions, because there was somebody in their life that was like, no, you can, there is to, is to prove, is to prove them wrong. Yeah. Right. And so, I mean, as a mom, I feel like I would much rather be, I would much rather Marley story. 20 years from now be my mom, like bent over backwards and championed me and just kept saying anything that you want as possible. Anything that you can dream up is possible. Let's make it happen. Oh, I'm not sure whether that'd be the case then Marley telling her story someday. Wherever on a podcast, on a news station, how I was a terrible mother and her, she couldn't possibly go to culinary school Paris, cause it's gonna be way too expensive. And what is she even gonna get out of that anyway? And she's out of her mind and she should just go get a, she shouldn't be a pastry chef because they don't make money, which I did hear somebody say to her recently and I almost throttled them. And like I don't want that to be her story and she has no doubt. She's I got it. I'm good. Even somebody. So she's 13, you know this because we're she asked to borrow your oven. She's been hired to do a wedding, to do cupcakes for a wedding. And when the person approached her about doing cupcakes for a wedding Marley's response was, yeah, I can do that. And then it was like, how many cupcakes? Probably 15 dozen. And she was she's like my can make a dozen, I can make two dozen. I can make six dozen what's 15. What's 12 what's you know, like she just, she, because she's been encouraged. Yeah. Yeah. She

Casey:

hasn't been given a reason to doubt that she can accomplish that. Correct?

Pam:

Correct. So as we wrap up today, as we look at. The summer is coming. What show is that? Winter is coming. Uh, I don't watch it game of game of Thrones, but every time I say the summer is coming, that's what I think of. The summer is coming. We have this opportunity. We have, we, each of us individually have an opportunity to move the direction of positive emotion. And even if you're feeling down, even if you're stuck, even if you're like dreading what the summer is going to look like. I just wanna remind you that you've got this, and if you're looking for more support, we've got a Facebook group map. We've got a Facebook group for moms, and it is specifically for moms that are wanting to rediscover who they are that are wanting to embrace feeling good and feeling aligned and connected and doing for themselves so that they can show up for their kids or anybody else. So I will look that up in the show notes and next week, next week, we're talking about all the ways to feel good. So it's going to be a good end result. Excited. So make sure you tune in. Thank you guys so much. Thanks everyone. And have an amazing week. We'll see you soon.