The Peaceful Home

Episode 34: The Aligned Mama, Clearing the Path for a Happier You with Dr. Liz DeFinnis

June 21, 2022 Pamela Godbois
The Peaceful Home
Episode 34: The Aligned Mama, Clearing the Path for a Happier You with Dr. Liz DeFinnis
Show Notes Transcript

In this week’s episode, Dr. Liz DeFinnis is sharing her knowledge and wisdom in achieving an aligned life balance.  Through the lens of psychology, spirituality, and relationship with self, Liz shares her own journey and how her powerful story became the catalyst for all she is helping moms achieve today. 


Liz is an alignment coach empowering high-achieving moms to enjoy precious parenting moments without the endless to-do list using prioritized alignment strategies. She has a background in occupational therapy and earned her Ph.D. in Psychology in 2018. In 2020, Liz faced a terrifying experience of her newborn daughter suffering a stroke, which catapulted her into this work of serving moms in achieving aligned life balance! In just 2 years she has manifested making consistent 6 figures+ while working from home and homeschooling her kids, retiring her husband, and limitless opportunities to manifest new and exciting visions. She stands by the power of this signature manifestation system which can be implemented with ease with aligned life balance!

If this episode inspired you in some way, take a screenshot of you listening on your device and post it to your Instagram Stories and tag us, @pamgodboiscoaching and @lizdefinnis.


In this episode you’ll hear:

  • Liz shares her story about how a major trauma made everything in life so much clearer. 
  • Liz speaks about how societal pressures and our own expectations as mothers impact mental health and post-partum health.
  • Explored the idea of a deep higher self-connection and its impact on life. 
  • Uncovered the truth about your choices, and how to go about making empowered choices for yourself. 
  • The impact of boundary setting and learning to honor her own needs shifted everything for Liz and it can for you too! 



LINKS:

Liz’s Website: https://lizdefinnis.com

Liz's Podcast: The Aligned Mama

Liz’s Instagram 


Facebook Group For Moms: The Messy Truth: Moms on the Path of Rediscovery

Connect with me:  Instagram, Facebook, and Tiktok


If you’re like “I love listening to Pam chat with guests.” Then head over and write a review! We really appreciate your support and it helps us to keep growing!!  https://pamgodbois.com/ApplePodcast Thank you so much for listening to this week’s episode. Be sure to tune in next week.

The best thing you can do for yourself and your kids is effectively regulate your nervous system. And a great place to start >> to wire the brain for gratitude. Research tells us that gratitude increases happiness and a peaceful mindset. Make the shift and watch how things in your life start to change. Sign up today! www.pamgodbois.com/gratitude

Pam:

Welcome back to the out of your mind podcast. On this week's episode, I have the chance to sit down with Liz, Dennis. And Liz. Is a high achieving mom. A psychologist, an occupational therapist who is now coaching other moms to step into alignment. So if you're looking to find a little bit more inner peace, A little bit more alignment and you're looking to find a balance in your life. You're not going to want to miss this episode. Let's dive in Before we hop into the episode, speaking of aligned motherhood. If you're a mom, who's looking to find a little bit more alignment in your life. If you want this to be the happiest, healthiest summer you've had yet. Then join us in our brand new Facebook group. Inspired by. Our mom's segment of the podcast, the messy truth moms on the path of rediscovery. The Facebook group is linked in the show notes, and we are a community of moms that just want to support each other so that we can feel good. Be happier and be healthier, both for ourselves and for our children. I look forward to seeing you there. Now let's dive in to the combo with Liz. It's amazing! Liz. Thank you so much for being here today with me. It's been a little while since I've done recordings for the podcast. There's been lots of things going on, so I'm super excited to dive back in and I'm really excited that you are my first interview diving back in because we were talking before I hit record. About the work that you're doing, and I'm really excited about that. And I would love for you to share with us. So your background is in psychology and now you're working with moms like doing coaching stuff. I would love for you to share all like, how'd you get there? Where, what does that look like? What does let's let's let's hear the story of Liz.

Liz:

Yeah. So I think, like most people, we, we come from so many different things and there's so many. Angles of our life that lead us down the path that we ended up on. And so I do have a background in psychology before that degree, I had a degree will have a degree in occupational therapy. So I started out really in the medical based model of the world. And I love that. I love that. I grew up always being a really high achiever, like wanting to work hard. I was always reading. Studying and I wanted it to be a doctor. And so I went to school. I decided I wanted to be an occupational therapist because they loved the holistic aspect of that. I loved all of these components that came from OT and the whole concept of life balance. And I'd always loved that idea of occupational balance. And so after I was done with the OT degree and decided I really love psychology, and I'd love to go more into that. And so. Branched out into that. Got my PhD in psychology. And I did all of this so that I could teach, but that really led me down this path of wellness and thinking about holistic wellness. And when you think about holistic wellness, it's mind, body spirit, and all of the components. And so that really became a big part of what I wanted to do and how I wanted to help people. And so that's how I kind of dipped my toe into coaching and being able to connect with others. Particularly moms who are wanting to welcome more of that balance into their life. They, they are a high achiever doing all the things, but they also want to be able to enjoy the precious parenting moments, all the little fleeting moments that seem to go by so fast and. We want to hold onto those moments. And so how to find that balance between being able to be present so that you can hold onto them through memory while also being a high achiever, doing all the things and feeling fulfilled in those areas of your life too. Cause I think it's important to have, have it all, but not do it while you're losing your mind and running yourself before.

Pam:

Yeah. Yeah. I love that. You said that. And as I was thinking about like my own journey with school and undergrad and grad school and like all the things I had a pretty, pretty linear path as well, where I was like, I'm gonna do this and then I'm going to do this. And then I'm going to achieve this thing. And. But I, I know from my own experience that that linear path of being a high achiever is a quick path to burnout and stress and overwhelm all the shit. What was that journey like for you?

Liz:

Yeah. So it very much felt like checking all the boxes. And for me, it, I think maybe even going into the roots of where all of this began for me is important. So I grew up in a house where materialistic. Why is I had everything. But I had a father who was a very heavy alcoholic and I didn't have on the outside. I had an easy childhood, everybody looking in thought like, oh my gosh, like you have it all. Like he makes good money and you go to Disney every year. And we live in the house in the corner of the fence. Like it's literally on the house in the corner, like that's where we lived. But on the inside of that house, it was so stressful. It was so. Just, I had to be the peacemaker. I had to keep everybody happy and that's where a lot of that drive for perfection really came in. And so I felt like if I could keep the house going, if I could be perfect, if I could have all the good grades, it wouldn't, it would keep peace in the house and it would help. And so that turned into me having that drive, but then it evolves as I got into high school and things got a little bit. Taking over everything in the house. So in addition to getting straight A's and applying for college and playing field hockey, I also was taking care of the house and cooking almost every single night and doing the laundry. Cause my mom was just like washed her hands that it was like done because she was so tired of behaviors that were happening. And I felt like if I could just hold it all together, it would all be okay. And. It was, I mean, it did stay, it saved together and it went well until my freshman year of college when I left and everything fell apart and all that burden fell on me. And so it really reinforced what I thought I always knew, which was, if I don't do all the things, they won't get it done and things will fall apart. And so this story was reinforced every single time. Anytime I did something for me, like I thought I could do something for myself in my life. I would watch other things fall apart. And so I started to take on that role of responsibility to make everything, everybody else happy, keep everybody else happy and content. And so I did what I was supposed to do. Right. Check the boxes. So, I went to college, I graduated, I got a job. I bought a house, I got married, I had babies. Like I did all those things, checked all the boxes, some, a little out of order, but they were all there and they were all done. And then I looked around and I felt. I did everything I was supposed to do. And at the time I was 28 and I was. Now what what's next? What do I do? And I just found myself constantly needing to strive for more. And that was when I went back to school for my PhD. And in that journey of getting my PhD, which was super challenging, super, super challenging. I was working full time. I had two boys that when I started it, I got pregnant with my second son. So like this whole process, they were under the age of five the whole time. And so, it was just a lot we moved from Pennsylvania to flow. Lots of things happened in that time. And I, in some ways I found myself and I started to really realize that. What do I want in life? And it didn't all come full circle then yet, but it was a big eye-opener for me. And so very much relate to the burnout, the stress, the overwhelm, chronic anxiety, I'm gritting my teeth so much that I had chronic pain in my jaw and I was breaking my teeth. Like just these, these internal ways that, that we hold on to that anxiety. And so I did experience a lot of that during that span of time. Yeah.

Pam:

And, you were just talking about the, like the shifts and the, and the adding on, and the I hear the story, a lot of getting another degree, getting another certification, expanding my knowledge base that somehow I'm gonna, I'm gonna, if I, if I just. Keep achieving, then things are going to fall back into place. Right. Then, then everything's going to work. Then my anxiety is going to go away. Then I'm going to stop breaking my teeth cause I'm greeting them. So I'm so tightly or I'm grinding them in my sleep or whatever. And how can you show up as a, as a new mom, right. Which is stressful enough as it is. How can you show up for the people in your life if you can't show up for yourself? Because you're because everything's falling apart inside.

Liz:

Yes. I think that, It's perspective. It's, I can't say that I did a good job of that back then. I can't say that I showed up as a mom. I really wanted to back then. For me, I definitely got lost on that path when I was pregnant. And when I had my boys, my boys were 16 months apart. It was a lot, I mean, I had an infant. 16 month old, who was a colicky baby and had lots of tummy troubles all the way through age four. So like it was a lot and there were a lot of pieces going on. And being able to keep perspective during that time was something that I didn't even know anything about. I didn't really learn. W what I needed to know to get to where I wanted to be in my life and find that peace until I had my daughter and had my daughter several years later. So I had her in 2020. And so my my younger son was born in 2014. So there was quite an age gap there with six and seven years. And When I had my daughter, life just was different. I kind of looked around. I had, after I had my, my second son, I had really wanted to do something different. I found life coaching and I was like, oh, I would do anything to just be able to work at home and write from my computer and not have to like. Well, get up and go to work. I was working as no T at the time, and I would say, I just love that, and, but at the time I didn't really know how to do any of it. I never even heard of life coaching. I literally did a Google of what can I do working from home, like basic, basic information. And I was a beach body coach. And so I kinda got my feet wet with what does it feel like to market online that gave me that like foundation piece of what that looks like. But I didn't do much with it because I was busy getting my PhD and doing a thousand other things usable. And it wasn't until 2020 when I had my daughter that I found out I was pregnant. And I thought, man really you're going to do this again. Like you're going to have a baby again, and you're still not going to work from home. Like you're still not going to have to figure this out. And she's going to go to daycare, which I have nothing against daycare. My boys learned so much and had incredible experiences, but my dream. To be a stay-at-home mom, that homeschooled. And even though I was checking all the boxes of being a high achiever, taught at a university, all of these things, that one thing I really wanted still didn't happen. And so, there is a lot of pressure as a new mom. And I think that a lot of that pressure, it comes from different places, but most importantly, it comes from within it's pressure that we're putting on ourselves. And it's coming from lack of awareness of the fact that we have the choice. All I had to do was decide that I didn't want to do that anymore. And I wanted to stay home with my daughter and I could do it. Yeah. I was just afraid of making the choice. Yeah. I mean, how

Pam:

often is that the case though? I mean, you talk about, this is the work that you're doing now with moms, right? Like how often is it the case that and I'm working with women moms and women as well? It is so often. When I say to somebody, well, you could just decide to do that. And they're like, what people do that they just decide. They just decided, and they do it all the time.

Liz:

A hundred percent. It's like that permission piece. And in somewhere in society, we feel like we need permission externally. And so the ability to create internal permission is a big deal. And that's one of the things I I use in all of my content is you always have a choice. The only question is, what choice are you going to make? Are you going to choose to make the choice that you want, that actually gets you to where you want to be? And I mean, I'm not going to sugar coat it, like my. My plan from getting pregnant with my daughter to like having her, I, I, my plan was not necessarily go all in on my business and it's going to work. No, that's not how that works. And I don't think that that's how it works for a lot of people. But it could, it could, and I do believe that with the mindset tools that I have now, after going through the experience that I had with having her. I now know exactly how to help others empower themselves to make those choices. It was for me, the way that it really happened during that time was, I was working a job as a home health occupational therapist. I got paid really well. I was making six figures as an OT, which is not hurt. It's you just don't like, you're like 70 is really great pay. So, I was making over a hundred thousand. Okay. I like fell over when I found out that was the job offer. And so I didn't really want to lose that job, like I wanted to keep that job. It was amazing stability for us. So we had never really experienced, we had a lot of financial hardship when we were younger, when we were up in Pennsylvania and we had the two babies, like we barely, barely, barely made the mortgage every month. And so for me, like it was such a game changer having that kind of thing. And so I didn't, I wasn't gonna, I wasn't gonna leave that to start a business like that. I'm a very logical person, so that just logically doesn't make sense. And even though my dream was to do that, and when I had my daughter she was born in January of 2020. We, we had everything planned. It was a scheduled C-section, it got moved up. There were some I'm saying things in there, but for the most part, it was just supposed to be routine, right? When for the C-section there for two days come home, we offer maternity, leave, some money saved away. We didn't know if we were going to stretch it the full 12 weeks we're going to try. But what ended up happening was. The hospital. She started having seizures and we ended up life-flighted to another hospital and we later found out she had a stroke and. There were so many, there's so many stories that can come out of this one story. But to say that all of this was just like stop just stop. It's like the sign to just stop doing all the things. Nothing mattered. I worried about money for maternity leave. Didn't matter. I worried about, paying my mortgage. Didn't matter. Like we're worried about the kids at daycare about pictures at daycare and what was he going to wear? And like all of these things that were so stressful, nothing mattered and all that mattered was that. She was going to be okay. And that my boys were okay. Cause I was far away from them and we were in Florida and didn't really have any support. My mom flew down, but it just wasn't easy. It wasn't an easy transition. And so it was in those moments, that perspective kind of got laid out on the table for me, and I was just forced to really look at my life and think. All those boxes that I checked, all the things that I could thought I could muscle through and work hard and be able to do and accomplish literally none of it mattered. And that was such an opening thing for me. Cause I lived my whole life that way.

Pam:

Yeah. I feel like sometimes a source, whether that's the universe, God, whatever are the, the being that created us or whatever. I feel like oftentimes For many of us, we walk a path, we have a story, we have an experience and we were walking down a path and we think, okay, this has gotta be it. And when we're, we're in the pace of stress and worry and overwhelm and trying to do all the things and checking all the boxes and making sure everything's perfect. It is in those moments that we get reminded oftentimes. Violently reminded, shaken hard that and we go, oh fuck. Okay. Yeah. Now what?

Liz:

Yeah. And that's definitely, up to that point, I was such a strong person. I valued my cell phone being resilient and strong and. I mean, I was, but I remember the moment that, we, we raced to that hospital, I got them to discharge me or leave me raced to the hospital were there. And the neuro comes in the room, neurologist comes in the room and she tells us that the EEG is confirming that she is having seizure activity. Cause at this point it was like, it was like expect expected seizures, right? It's she's looking like she's having seizures, but they don't really, you can't diagnose seizures until she's on the EEG. And so she said, And my husband's standing next to me and he's just totally breaking down. Right. And I'm like looking at him. And I just looked at the doctor I don't know why he's reacting this way. He's so upset and I'm just kinda like stone face. Right? Like I have, I don't know what to say. And I look at her and I'm like, okay. So what are we gonna do about that? Right. Like for me, it was immediate switch into solution orientation. Right. But this wasn't, this wasn't the moment of perspective yet. Right. This was the moment of me still being my old self. It wasn't until. About a week and a half later we'd been through hell at this point. I've been through hell like feeding tubes and tasks. After tests, after tasks like confirmed, she had the stroke, saw the images, like so much damage in her brain. Like it was just devastating. Prognosis was not great. Like she's not going to be the left side of her body. She had cerebral palsy. Just so many things, epilepsy, there were so many things that they were anticipating and I mean, it was just so devastating and, it's, you have those moments where you look and you think. This is going to change our whole life. Like we, we aren't going to live the same life. Like our boy's life is going to be affected. What if she needs care forever? We don't know what this looks like. This is, this is like a life changing event. And I remember in those. I just was socially so strong. I was pumping around the hour. So she'd kick out breast milk instead of formula, because I had read that that would help with brain healing. I mean, I was doing all the things that I could do and I was not sleeping. I was like delirious at some point in this 10 days. And they told me that she couldn't go home. They know doctors, don't sugar coat things, really the best. Right. So at one point, one of the doctors came in and he says to me that she needs a permanent feeding tube placement. And I was like, whoa, like she's like nineties. What makes you think that she needs a permanent placement versus the mg to when like we've just started feeding and he's well, you can make a choice. You can either have her stay here in the NICU, in the bassinet, and she's going to get developmentally delayed, or you can take her home with a feeding tube. And then she's going to develop more typically because she'll be in her home environment, which has an occupational. I mean, I get what he's saying, but also like we're nine days into this, like this little girl just had a stroke. Can we just give her like a minute? And so I made it my mission. To feed and feed and feed and feed and feed because what was happening is the seizure meds made her so tired that she couldn't take the bottle without falling asleep. She was drinking one to three milliliters and falling asleep, and it just wasn't enough. And so we had to get her to a point where she would stay awake long enough to at least take a full bottle. And so. In those moments, I just fought like, hell I, my old self came out and I fought. I felt nothing. I hardly pride ever at all. I had no emotion about it. I was like I want a mission. And it worked taking her home. They were sending the discharge papers. It was so happy. And they, it was literally 10 of three. We were leaving at three o'clock doctor was finishing up paperwork. The car was loaded downstairs in the front of the hospital. That is how much we were ready to leave. Yeah. And then she had another seizure. And when she started to have the seizure, I was just like, our life is never going to be the same. Like I thought I could muscle my way through. Right. Like I thought I could fight and check a bunch of boxes, meet their requirements to get her home. And It was in that moment that the perspective shift happened. I had totally lost it. Total breakdown I've I never had to bring it down like that. I don't feel like in my entire life. And it just all became so real, not just that situation, but my entire life. It's like when somebody is about to die and they have the timeline in their head, it's like everything of my whole life just played in front of me. And I thought, oh my God, I've missed the point of. And that's. That was the minute for me. It was just like that.

Pam:

Yeah. When you said I had the, I had the breakdown, I don't think I've ever had a breakdown like that. My thought was, yeah, it was 30 something years. However old you were that, that time. Right? That's how many years of shit you've been carrying around? Yeah. Cause you gotta do all the things you gotta take care of everyone. And so you couldn't possibly be vulnerable because. That's not going to, who's not going to serve if you're vulnerable, who's that going to serve in those, in those times of crisis? Yeah, but you had to be, you had to get to that place where eat, unfortunately, this was what needed to happen for you to be able to get to the place where you're like, okay, I give up. Right. I'm I'm surrendering.

Liz:

And I mean, for me like to think about how this has rippled into my life is tremendous. I mean, just to get a little background on what I think I've dealt with with my dad, like on the day of my wedding, we couldn't find him for four days and we didn't think he was going to be there. And then he showed up at 10:00 AM and he was drunk already. And so these are the things like preparing backup plans. Who's going to walk me down the aisle. If he keeps drinking that morning, is he going to I couldn't count on him. And so because I couldn't count on him, I really felt like I could count on anybody. And I mean, in all fairness, I mean, my dad is not a bad person. Like my dad, like if I really called him and was like, I need you, it's like, he'll be there, but he's going to be there drunk. And well, when I say drunk, like not really that functionally drunk as he got older, when he was younger, he could, but when he was older, he was not functional. Yeah. And so for me, like I had to be strong because there was nobody that I could ever count on. And so. I started to just set boundaries in my life, after this happened, like I've realized how much anxiety I carried with me, how much I allowed my people-pleasing to take over. My dad kinda believed to come and see her. My dad never met my daughter. I stopped talking to him a few months after I had her, because he was really bullying his way into coming and seeing her. She's high risk for COVID. So nobody came to see her for her first year and a half. Like it was off limits nobody, and he couldn't accept that answer. And he gets really nasty when he's drinking and finally had to put boundaries up and protect myself. And I started to realize oh my gosh, like at first I thought I was doing this for my kids. And then I realized I'm not doing this for my kids. Like I deserve to have boundaries that I have. Not, I honor. And the more that I went through this whole process of my daughter and, my dad, once again, like inserting himself into my life and like causing all of this chaos, I realized I don't want my life to be chaotic anymore. I've lived my whole life in the unknown, chaotic feeling. And I just want to live life in peace. Like I just want to have peace. And I want my kids to know what that feels like too. And so I just started to make some changes and. That's how I got here. I use these systems. I, I created these opportunities in my life. I lost my job right after having my daughters had another job to go back to. So I didn't quit my job. I didn't afloat, but I can tell you, I knew I was going to lose it. It's one of those things, right? You get like the nudge and, and I knew I got like the phone call that I had a meeting the next day. And I was like, I'm going to lose my job tomorrow. I knew. And I could not have felt bad. About losing my job. Like I just couldn't. And within, under a year I replaced that six figure income with my business. I get to serve moms so that they don't have to keep going through this pain. And I'm here to just show them it could be different. And you don't have to have a major episode in your life to choose differently today. It doesn't have to be that traumatic. I wish that I could have opened my eyes sooner, and I, and I missed a lot of years because of that. I have so many laughs I have so much time left and I have so much time that since I made that change, that I've really been present and loving what I do. Yeah.

Pam:

So let's talk about that a little bit. So this is a kind of a good transition point. Well, first of all, how's your daughter doing? Cause she's just over two now, right?

Liz:

She is. She's doing amazing. She's doing amazing. And all of my energy went into. Brittany piece into that room and doing everything I could to show her on all levels possible. And I know that that you have a lot of other spiritual backgrounds. I know that you will know what I mean, but I had a moment. So I had my breakdown and after the breakdown, I had that moment where. I just a hundred percent surrendered I gave, I just surrendered. And like I had never in my life had that and I felt it like wash over me physically and I could feel it connect with her and I just knew she was going to be okay. And she's doing amazing. I mean, we have some speech delays right now, but we don't really know that they're even related to the stroke because technically the area of her brain that the stroke impact that it shouldn't impact each. So I don't really know what that's about. That could just be a total random fluke. She moves the left side of her body so well that she appears to be right. And dominant at this point, everything she does is what the left hand. She feeds. She colors. She always wants to use that hand. So that is remarkable. She walks fine. We don't have any signs of tonal issues from CP. She's been off of seizure meds for a year and a half now. Seizure-free. Everything is okay. And to know where we were. I mean, they looked at us and they said, she's not going to stop having seizures. You're going to have to take her home. And she's going to continue to have seizures at home all the time. But when she has ones that lasts more than five minutes, that's when you'll bring her back to the hospital. I thought that can't be real life that's terrifying. And the bottom line is that is real life for some kids and for some parents. And it's. I, I feel so blessed, so, so blessed that we were able to overcome that, and that's another part, like a little mini section of who I work with is, moms that are dealing with those unknown things, because it's scary. It's really scary.

Pam:

Yeah. Interestingly enough, I don't talk about the story often, but my daughter was born nine weeks early and we spent the first five and a half weeks of her life in the NICU.

Liz:

So it's a lot, it's a lot,

Pam:

it's a lot, it's a lot. And what's interesting is I always say, and I've said this since day one, and I think this is some of the work that I, this is like some of the, the connection to higher self and source that's always been there. That didn't really, hadn't really I guess, for lack of better language toned or it hadn't like worked, worked it out at all. But I was like, wow, I'm really fortunate because I worked for community mental health at the time. And so I was just hung out in the NICU. There was no like stress of, they just paid, took care of everything. They, there was no financial stress. They covered, I had great health insurance because community mental health, man, they don't pay you anything. You need great health insurance

Liz:

that,

Pam:

yeah. So I remember just sitting in, I sat in the NICU with her, like all day, every day and I was like journal and I would. We're just kind of hanging out with her and holder and and I just remember thinking like, wow, like moms get, sometimes you get 24 hours after you've given birth to your child before you take them home. And you're like, dude, I'm like, I got five and a half weeks of similar to what you're talking about with like it's COVID people can't see her. It was, she was born in March March of 2009. And it was like the highest RSV. Yeah.

Liz:

And so I remember being worried about the flu. I was so worried about the flu in January and then COVID hit. And I was like, if only I knew what was coming. Right.

Pam:

So it just, it just kept like people away, like people couldn't have, sorry, people can't come in and people can't come into the NICU. And so, yeah, I felt fortunate that I have that time. And that's just kind of always been my view. Like I've kind of always been like, What's the silver lining here, I guess. Right. And it sounds like for you, your story with your daughter is that thankfully when all of this went down, you did, either literally or metaphorically dropped to your knees and stuff. And it was it. And it's in that surrendering that it's okay, now we can start moving in a direction. We don't have to be stuck anymore because how often have you worked with a mom? Not necessarily, even with the same situation, you've worked with a mom or worked with a client who's just stuck and they can't move beyond the.

Liz:

Yeah. Yeah. And and that's the hardest part is for me, is getting them to believe in themselves enough to be willing, to invest in themselves, to get to that point of being unstopped. Because when they're in that stuck phase, it's like you think that you don't have a choice and it goes back to, you always have a choice. They think they don't have a choice. They think that they have to stay there. And I mean, the bottom line is. I had, I made choices. Like I did lose my job, but like I had made choices up to that point. I had extended my leave. Like I made the choices to stay at the hospital with her. I made the choices to breastfeed. I made so many choices along the way that did contribute to her wellbeing and, to my own peace and my own ability to heal from this process that. Could it have an arguably should have been so that. I had a pretty traumatic birth with my son too, and I'm a separated from him. So unlike with my daughter where like I was there and things were happening to her, there was a lot happening to me. And I was away from him for eight days and it was devastating and I had terrible PTSD after that delivery. And It took me a long time to get past that. And then I had, postpartum with my second son. So I expected postpartum to be a massive issue after I had my daughter and I had none in math, I was on meds before I had her and I ended up not taking them because I. Was that at the hospital where they give you medicine. And then I thought I was going to go home where I had my meds, but I didn't, I went to another hospital to be with her. It was away from my meds for 30 days. And I was after like 10 days, I was like, what's the point? Like I might as well just stay off of them and see how this goes. Cause I'm already off of them. And I don't condone going off his meds, but the circumstances had already inserted going off of them and yeah. I ended up doing the fine, and I never had postpartum depression and it's because the postpartum depression for me and anxiety came from wanting to try to control everything, wanting everything, to be perfect, wanting to be the perfect mom and envisioning that delivery was going to be this magical thing. And the baby was going to pop out and I'm was going to hold the baby and life was just going to be so great. And when it wasn't, I was devastated. And so it was the expectation. That really ruined the experience and caused the postpartum depression and anxiety for me. And I do think that is true in a lot of cases. I mean, yes, it's hormone-related yes, it has to do with levels, but also societal pressure and your expectations based on what society has painted a picture of what it's like to have a baby is a massive part of why we have such an issue with postpartum, depression and anxiety. Yeah, brilliant. Yeah. For

Pam:

a developed country, it's really kind of crazy the amount of trauma, the amount of trauma that we experience as women post to giving birth is higher than any other country in the world.

Liz:

Yep. And the lack of support, maternal support afterwards, like from jobs, it doesn't help, the lack of, Having paid maternity leave and all of those things, it's a, it's a big factor. And I mean, that was one of the reasons why I wanted to have a business up and running when I had another baby, because I wanted to just be home with them for all the little things. And for me, there were a lot of things. And you mentioned how, like you were able to see the silver lining. Like for me, there were a lot of signs along the way that like I was going to be okay. Daycare denied. We waited like nine months to get her in that take care of we'd even know if we were going to have a daycare we got in daycare and they denied us because she had seizures. They wanted us to pay for her to have a private caregiver, attend daycare with her. And I was like, okay, we'll wait till we pay you guys. Hundreds of dollars.

Pam:

Wouldn't I just hire somebody to have her at home then.

Liz:

What's going on, which is basically what they wanted us to do. Right? Like basically they didn't want her there, they were going to do whatever they had to, to gently push us out. And so we didn't have daycare for her and everything that I wanted when I had my son came true. I manifested every single thing. I homeschooled my boys. I was able to stay home with my daughter. We ended up moving a few months later and now my husband stays home with us as well. And he's no longer working outside the home. And literally if I could have painted a picture of what I wanted my dream life to be, now, we're doing all of those things. And I mean, you look around and you just think like, how, how is this happening? How was this working? But it is, and it is an incredible feeling to know that I get to wake up every day and be with my kids and do what I want to do. And. Help other people do the same thing, which is incredible. Yeah. Yeah. I was just thinking

Pam:

that. So, I mean, first of all you said, I manifested all of us. We manifest everything and it's an unpopular opinion, but like, You manifested your daughter's seizure disorder of birth. You manifested her stroke, you manifest it. Because when we don't know, we can't see our own path and we are, we go, this is what I want. This is what I want. This is what I want. Or the powers that be that are larger than us that are working on it. And if we can't tune into that and see that okay, we need to take, we need to make this choice. Right. We have, we have the ability to make a choice and decide which direction we're going to go in. And if we don't make the. Someone or something makes the choice for us. Yep.

Liz:

Yeah, absolutely. And I wasn't making healthy choices. I was very stressed and in the hospital a few days before I had her with high blood pressure, trying to finish up, work on my laptop in the bed, like all those things. I mean, high-achiever right. They, I'm not gonna let someone down, like I'm going to do what I said I would do. And that's all great because I'm highly accountable. There are consequences, and had I continued to live the life that I was living. I don't know what my future would have held, but I can tell you like heart attacks, strokes, something. Something was definitely in water there because I was very high strung and very stressed out and perspective has changed that so much. It's so funny.

Pam:

Say that. Cause sitting here with you, it's not, it's not the person I see in front.

Liz:

No, it's, I am a completely different person. Yeah. Completely different. I mean, I walked in that hospital a different person and I think one of the things that I know any Nikki moms that listened to this boat will know this. And I know that you'll, you'll relate to this. Like I, one of the things that was so devastating and also part of this transition for me, It was everyday sitting in the NICU and seeing babies come and go and come and go and come and go. And we were still there and I was just like, it's never going to be our turn. And I remember like there was a there, like the hall and across the hall was a room and there were five babies that came in and out of that room while we were there. And I was like, I can't see another baby come in another room. Like I can't do this anymore. And I mean, we had been promised to go home four times. By the time we finally went home, because every time we were going to go home, she either had another seizure or her phenobarb levels would drop and we'd have to stay to get them back to where they need to be. Like, they were just constantly not touching, go as in we're losing her, but touch and go is in she's not stable, you know? and it was just very overwhelming and surrendering, watching those babies come and go and feeling guilty about being mad. Right? Like I feel guilty. Like some other moms used to take their baby home today. So there was guilt that came with that, but also like, When do I get to, when do I deserve to have to take my baby home? And be home with my boys. And it was just so much surrender in that time. So much. Like I don't, I have a lot of anxiety over letting people drive my kids around. I had to let my mom drive my kids to school. There was just so many things that I had to let go of in that time. Yeah. It has changed who I am as a person. And I, a hundred percent, I never meditated. I never journaled, I didn't even know what boundaries were. All of these things that I talk about, they were non-existent in my life. So when I work with somebody and they're like, I don't know how you could do all of those things. And I'm like, Right. I didn't know them either, but I'm here to model and show that this kind of a transformation is possible. I'm living proof that it can actually happen. Yeah. And you're not

Pam:

talking about like over the last 20 years, I've transformed. You had a traumatic event happen a little over two years ago and. Everything has shifted as a result. And not only that you've built a business working with moms so that they too can make the choice to shift their life in whatever direction or whatever way they want to shift their life. Right. So what does that work look like? What is the work that you're doing on a day to day with with your client?

Liz:

So my primary, my signature program that I, I wholeheartedly believe, and I know that everybody comes in and they want different things. Some people like one-on-one and I offer one-on-one support, but I usually offer that in conjunction with the program because the program really. Works, it's called path, the aligned soul. And so it's literally the path. It's the path I took to align everything, to have that holistic alignment and to feel aligned with who I am and who I feel like I'm meant to be. And being able to surrender. We feel like to get the things we want in life. That story of I have to work hard to get all the things I want. I got to check all the boxes and, as a high achiever that was reinforced to get good grades doing that, I got good jobs. I made good money. Right. And so it's but does it have to be that way? And it doesn't. And so I found that through. Through surrendering, I'm able to manifest all those things that I desire. And so population still takes you on that journey of hearing more of the subconscious talk versus the conscious talk higher self connection what to do to meditate, because I didn't know how to meditate. Everyone's talking about meditate. I'm like, I don't know what that means. Like how do I do that? What does that look like? It's uncomfortable for me walking through those very basic first steps of how can you, what do you need to do to do that? And so, Going through what does it look like? The journal? How do you know what to write? Does it need to look or sound a certain way and kind of overcoming all of those personal limiting beliefs in that process all the way through being able to decide what your vision is for how you want your life to feel what you want your life to look like for you. Setting routines, prioritization, setting boundaries, to reinforce all of that. So it really covers all of the bases of being able to create whatever life you want and make choices. Right. Might feel scary, but you feel empowered and self-assured in making them. And that's really, the goal is to have that self-assurance and making the decisions that make sense.

Pam:

Yeah. And it sounds like the work that you're doing with the moms that you're working with is for them to put their relationship with self first.

Liz:

Yes.

Pam:

Right. Let me get aligned with my relationship with myself and then all the other things will fall. Absolutely. And so often I think as parents, we think, well, if I can just get my talking about this yesterday, I could just get my kids to sleep through the night then right. Then check that box. If I could just get my kids to eat vegetables, then check that box. If I can just get my, my kids to do their homework, I have a 13 year old seventh grade. So. Did you pass it in that homework assignment? She's oh right. There's there's always going to be things there's all were. I mean, this is part of the developmental process as human beings is there's always going to be challenges that we have to face and as spiritual beings if we can stay attuned to staying deeply aligned and connected with the relationship with our. Source with our higher self. And we allow, by the way, our little people also known as children to do the same. Right. How often do we try to like, shape the things out of our kids? I, that behavior is unacceptable in that environment. Okay. Well, but I always go back to the, the abundance manifestation of a. Channeling is one of the things that as part of my, part of my tool set, right. I can, and you've seen me like a couple of times close my eyes because I'm downloading information. As I'm sitting here with you and the. The idea of allowing these little beings that are a little beings that are getting their own information from a higher source. And then we, as the adults in their lives are like, no, no, no, you have to sit at the table and you have to, get, do the, do the worksheets worksheets are the bane of my existence as a parent. I always have them. So yeah, it's really interesting. The, the work, how the work that you're teaching The moms that you're working with to do is really has a significant trickle-down effect because if we could start doing the work for ourselves and it's so much easier, I mean, I'm sure you recognize this as a parent, right? Because you, the shift happened for you mid parents.

Liz:

Yeah. So it's significantly different. Like being able to look at the difference between reacting to their behaviors, to responding, helping them to reflect on their behaviors. Recognizing, and I know you talked about it on one of the previous episodes about hugging them when they need a hug. And there's like just those moments of like awareness of oh this is what they need for me versus this is why I'm triggered and I'm freaking out. And I can't listen to anything they're saying, because I'm so busy being upset. Right. And it's that's how I was, I was always upset and I was always on edge and I was always slipping out and I was always running late for everything. So I was trying to do extra things. And so there was so much stress in everything I did and that is just not present anymore, because none of that matters anymore. It's like that realization of wow, Perspective. None of those things I thought were so important before I really, as important as I thought, and it feels when you're in that state and you feel like you're tied to having to do things this way, and you have to get this on, have to get that done at all, behalves and sheds. When you find yourself staying hubs and sheds that's when it's time, that's when it's time to take action on that. And so that's what I help moms essentially do is go from that state of, I have to do this and I should do this and I'm not doing this right. And I'm not good here. Being able to shift all of that dialogue and then actually take action steps to shift the way your life is so that it doesn't reinforce those patterns.

Pam:

Yeah, I love that. I love that. And I think that across the board, as moms, we need it so much. I mean, you just look at, and I'm sure that anybody, if you're, as you're currently listening to the podcast, I'm sure that you can look at the queue, even just the community in which we each live. Right. We all live in a community. Some sort, you can look within that community and see. Like the chaos and the frazzled newness and the, the Cassie you were talking about, you needed to get out of, right? You're like, I need to get out of this chaos. And I need to get into a sense of peace with myself and in my own journey. I love that. That's amazing. So Liz, where can our listeners find you? Where do you hang out?

Liz:

So, I do have a Facebook group and it is aligned life balance for high achievers. That's where I do a lot of free trainings and, and giveaways and different things in there. But you know, I'm kind of all over. I'm on Instagram, I'm in LinkedIn. So you can find me most anywhere. And I also have a podcast of my own it's called be aligned mama. And so. The brand that I'm really working on at this moment is this feeling of you can be in aligned vomit too. And so feeling and bringing in and creating some of that. So my podcast gives a lot of great insight and stories, and it's funny, and it's relatable as a real mom and not the sugarcoated mom on Instagram and with all the, all the edited posts and content. And so, that's what I really stand for is really being able to be the real mom and show other moms. We're not all perfectly curated, and that's okay. And that doesn't make you a bad mom. So, that's where you can find me. And I would definitely recommend the Facebook group though. That's definitely where I do a lot of the freebies. So that would be a great place to kind of connect and, and get a little bit more of that together.

Pam:

Awesome. And I will link all that stuff up in the show notes. People can find you easily. And I just want to say, you said we're not all that perfect. In that perfect. I was called the Pinterest mom. Cause that's, you save all the things on your Pinterest board of all the, I can't tell you early on in Marley's life, how often I had things saved on a Pinterest board that never, ever, ever, ever, that I never even thought about doing it just was like, oh, that seems like a nice idea. But that none of us are that none of us are. And I always challenge people when they say things like, I did this perfectly, or I'm in this place when you start to get into the mindset of I can do no wrong is that that's probably when you're at your most fucked up ness, take a step back. Yeah, take a breath, look in the mirror. I love to do the like gaze at yourself in the mirror, a challenge. It's a, it's a fun one. Lots of shit comes out of that. So, but I do think that like that we have a tendency. I love all that. You're saying all this stuff that you're doing, because we do have a tendency to be like, I got this. I can do all these things. I'm going to do it all myself. And that doesn't serve anyone. It doesn't serve anyone. It certainly doesn't serve us. And if we're not, if we're not in service of not us, that we can't answer to anybody else. So.

Liz:

Absolutely. There's so much peace that comes with the ability to surrender and pass off. Some of those things does not always feel easy, but there is always a worth it in there for sure. And it does, it changes your life. And my kids, my kids' ability to see me make mistakes and for me to be able to level with them and. Yeah, I could have reacted better in that situation. I could have responded instead of reacting and getting them to recognize my mistakes, help. This helps them feel okay and being vulnerable about their own. And I think that those are some things that came in this journey that were a little unexpected, that, that ripple out into my parenting and my husband's parenting and so much awareness. And so you're right. We're raising that next generation. And so being able to help them. B one step further than we were, is really the goal and stuff that's for everyday.

Pam:

Absolutely. I love it. Well, Liz, thank you so much for being here. And guys, if anything, in this episode has inspired you and you want to reach out to either one of us, please do. So I will link up our way, the con the way to contact us in our show and the show notes. And as always have an amazing week. I'll see you guys next week and Yeah, I think that's all I got to say for today. Take care.