Have you ever felt overrun why your own thoughts? As you sit in your car and stew, you obsess about the jerk you work with, you get offended by what people with different opinions than you say.
If so, you might be stuck in old stories that are not of service to you and the goals you have for your life, and for your kids.
This is where Affirmations come in. In this episode, we talk all about using affirmations to help shift your cognition. The process of how to use them, how to empower your kids to start shifting their thinking and so much more.
FEEDBACK:
If you’re like “I love listening to Pam chat with guests and share wisdom.” Then head over and write a review! We really appreciate your support and it helps us to keep growing!! https://pamgodbois.com/ApplePodcast
Thank you so much for listening to this week’s episode. Be sure to tune in next week.
WORK WITH PAM:
Join the Aligned Mom’s Membership, a monthly membership that EMPOWERS Moms, by teaching them to BREAK THE PARENTING PATTERNS of old, and clearing out the Limiting Beliefs related to Parenting, learning to regulate emotions, rewire the nervous system, while teaching their kids to do the same and learning to see the BEAUTY IN IT ALL! JOIN US → https://www.pamgodbois.com/enroll
CONNECT WITH PAM:
Be sure to connect with me more on Instagram @pamgodboiscoaching. I’d love to hear what you thought of this episode and your major takeaways.
🌟Head over to my website to learn more about how we can work together to shift your thoughts, challenge your beliefs, & transform your life.
The best thing you can do for yourself and your kids is effectively regulate your nervous system. And a great place to start >> to wire the brain for gratitude. Research tells us that gratitude increases happiness and a peaceful mindset. Make the shift and watch how things in your life start to change. Sign up today! www.pamgodbois.com/gratitude
Have you ever felt overrun why your own thoughts? As you sit in your car and stew, you obsess about the jerk you work with, you get offended by what people with different opinions than you say.
If so, you might be stuck in old stories that are not of service to you and the goals you have for your life, and for your kids.
This is where Affirmations come in. In this episode, we talk all about using affirmations to help shift your cognition. The process of how to use them, how to empower your kids to start shifting their thinking and so much more.
FEEDBACK:
If you’re like “I love listening to Pam chat with guests and share wisdom.” Then head over and write a review! We really appreciate your support and it helps us to keep growing!! https://pamgodbois.com/ApplePodcast
Thank you so much for listening to this week’s episode. Be sure to tune in next week.
WORK WITH PAM:
Join the Aligned Mom’s Membership, a monthly membership that EMPOWERS Moms, by teaching them to BREAK THE PARENTING PATTERNS of old, and clearing out the Limiting Beliefs related to Parenting, learning to regulate emotions, rewire the nervous system, while teaching their kids to do the same and learning to see the BEAUTY IN IT ALL! JOIN US → https://www.pamgodbois.com/enroll
CONNECT WITH PAM:
Be sure to connect with me more on Instagram @pamgodboiscoaching. I’d love to hear what you thought of this episode and your major takeaways.
🌟Head over to my website to learn more about how we can work together to shift your thoughts, challenge your beliefs, & transform your life.
The best thing you can do for yourself and your kids is effectively regulate your nervous system. And a great place to start >> to wire the brain for gratitude. Research tells us that gratitude increases happiness and a peaceful mindset. Make the shift and watch how things in your life start to change. Sign up today! www.pamgodbois.com/gratitude
Hey there and welcome back to the peaceful home podcast. This is Pam and I am your host. And today we are talking about. How do use thoughts and statements to rewire the brain? To get the brain to see the world differently. And so that it makes it easier to start seeing things like those silver linings. And I'm going to talk about. How to use them. How to create these statements and then how to teach your kids, these statements, how to use them in parenting. So let's dive in. So in the world of therapy, there's this form of treatment called cognitive behavioral therapy. And the idea is that we change the cognition. Which is your thoughts? To help shift the behaviors. So that the results are positive. The outcomes are positive. We understand here is that there's a process. So when you experience an experience, There's always an event. Sometimes we call this event a trigger. But there's an event that kicks the whole thinking, feeling, doing acting, behaving process off. So the event occurs and almost immediately like oftentimes microseconds, there is a thought that flashes through your brain. That thought then creates or produces an emotion. And oftentimes if this is a pattern or a loop or a experience that you've had over and over again, Oftentimes, we have to figure out how to stop the power of the emotion. So that we can go back and look at the thought. Because. Many people that I have worked with. And many people that use this process. Report. Not even knowing the thought that they're experiencing. So it's not like I had a triggering event. Somebody called me a name or treated me poorly. I have a thought in my head about myself. Then that thought produces an emotion and then I react. I have it. Maybe you have a physical reaction. If somebody ever said or done something to you and you get like a little, like an upset stomach or a little queasy, or maybe your hands get sweaty and your face gets red and you start to get hot. And. Then there's a behavior or an action or reaction that comes from that. So it's a process that very often has to be slowed down. So that we can see the different pieces and components of it. What we're focusing on today in this. Episode. Is looking at the thought piece, looking at an understanding what's going on with our thoughts. Thoughts are extremely powerful. As I've said many times before. And words and thoughts. They're like BFS. They go together like ice cream and hot fudge. I don't know. I can't think of a better analogy, but they belong together. You cannot say something. If you have not thought it first. This is why they're paired. And words have so much power, especially in parenting. And if you are a mom, you know this right, you can say the wrong thing and all of a sudden your preteen or your teen. He is mad at you slamming the door in your face. Doesn't want to talk to you hates you think you're the worst thing ever. And you're like, what did I just do? I have no idea. And that's because words matter. And words matter because they influence other people's thoughts. But our words. Come from our own thoughts. If you want to truly. Shift how you communicate with your preteen, with your teen, with your elementary school age child, or with your grown adult child, or just with people in your life. If you want to impact those changes in those relationships. You've got to get really clear on how you're communicating. What's coming out of your mouth. Because when you hold influence over somebody for any reason your words, hold more weight. I was recently offering a training for yoga teachers. And that was one of the things that we talked about that as a yoga teacher, when you tell somebody to do something. They see you as an authority, and it's not just in the yoga practice. It's not just step your right foot forward and reach your arms to the sky. It's all the other things that go along with it. If you listen to podcasts, obviously you do because you're here. Or you watch documentaries or you gather information or you listened to experts. Or you go to trainings on different things, right? I'm a licensed social worker. If I go to a training and somebody is teaching me about something that I'm not familiar with, like something, some new treatment for anxiety. I'm going to assume that because they're offering the training. They know more information about it than I do. This is how influence works. So if you have someone in your life like a child, That you are communicating something to, they're going to assume that because you're their parent. You have more influence, more knowledge, more access to resources than they do. Which means you hold power, whether you know it or not. Now, I know you don't hold power on the things that you want to have power on, right? Like when you say something to them directly like, oh, I don't like that friend that you're hanging out with her. I don't care. They're my friend. And there's nothing you can do about it. And they slammed the door on your face. But when you make a comment about the way their hair looks or something they're wearing, or like you're going to wear that. Or. They're upset about something and you're like, oh, you're fine. Suck it up. Those words, hold weight. And the words that hold the most weight are the words that. Already tapped into something that we struggle with about ourselves. So if you're somebody that maybe struggles with your weight, and I know I use this analogy a lot, but it's really straightforward and clear, and it's something that is measurable, we're going I struggle with. I worry about, I struggle with my jeans don't fit, whatever the case may be. You say to your spouse, Hey. I'm going to work on not eating. Sugar. I'm going to cut sugar out of my diet for the next month or so, and just see how it goes. And you're three days in and there's ice cream in the freezer and you go and get a cup and you put some ice cream in it. And your spouse says to you, you're going to eat that. What do you hear? You don't hear that you told them three days ago that you're not going to eat sugar. You hear them calling you fat. This is how our brain works because we already have the story in our head like, oh, I w I decided I needed to lose five or 10 pounds and whatever. This is what happens and the same holds true with our kids. So now imagined think back to when you were 12, 13 years old. Did you feel like you had the whole of the world figured out. Did you feel like you were in control of your emotions? And your relationships were solid and you felt good about yourself. You felt really confident and capable and smart. Probably not because most of us didn't, especially in the timeframe that we grew up in. We didn't have parents telling us that shit. Now think about that from your child's perspective. If your child already believes that they are not smart. And then they get a B on a test or a C on a test. And you say, what happened? Why did you get a C what's that all about what they're hearing is see, you're dumb. That's what they're hearing from you. Even though that's not what you're saying, even if that's not what you mean. It's what they're hearing. So we have to start rewiring our own brains to see what our kids need. We also need to help our kids rewire their brains. So we will talk a ton about this rewiring and some of the other work that you can do with this. But Today. The tools, the strategies that we're going to use right now. Are the tools of affirmations. So what affirmations are is they are positive statements stated. In the present tense. And they are designed. To create emotions within us. So that we can rewire the brain to feel more of that positive emotion. Now here's where we go wrong. We try to go to big. We do things or say things that are unrealistic, things that we don't buy into. And we think simply saying the words. Without feeling the words. We'll somehow start to shift the brain, but what actually wires the brain, what actually creates the grooves and the ruts in the brain that we are looking to rewire the patterns. His emotions. So the thoughts are the driver, but emotions are the things they're like the plow on the back of the tractor, right? They are the things that create the impact that create the groups. Which means that in order to write affirmations that resonate with you. They need to be. Specific. They need to be stated in the present tense. That means we don't say I will, or I think that I will, or I hope that I will. We state them as if they are already happening. I am. The language needs to be. Positive and specific now. Here's what I mean by positive. Sometimes we think positive means. Like good. As opposed to bad. So good language or Positive things like upbeat, happy, joy type positivity. That's what I'm talking about. I'm talking about. Our brains don't understand. Not, and no. Or free. So like when you say things like. Say money is something that's stressing you out and causing conflict in your life. And you say things like I am. Debt-free. Your brain hears debt. So then you start to wire for debt. This is what happens. And so that doesn't actually help you. To clear things out. And if it's not true, if you're like, but I'm actually not. Debt-free. Then that's another thing against the affirmation. That's another thing that creates a struggle or a problem for you. With the affirmation so the language needs to be focusing on what you want rather than what you were trying to avoid. And trying to make it as clear as possible. So if it's about parenting, make it specific around parenting. If it's about yourself. And self-worth make it specific around your self worth your relationship. It's about money. Make it specific around money. If it's about time, make it specific round time. Make it specific. Don't try to just use one affirmation to cover everything because it waters down the power of it. You also want your language to be empowering. So think about. Words that are uplifting. So you use words like strong and confident language that inspires you to move towards your goals and aspirations. But also make them personal. So using things like, I me, my, in the statements. To personalize them. So you're not just talking about. Living in a stress free home. You're saying I embrace peace as my new norm. That's an affirmation. You also want to keep it realistic. This is important because this is where we say things like I'm worthy of love and connection. And you're saying in your head. But am I worthy? I don't know if I'm ready or you have doubts or you say I'm, I've never been good at relationships. So rather than saying I'm great at relationships. If you have a doubt, if you have something in your head that says, I am not good at relationships, I've never been good at relationships. I didn't have any positive relationship, role models. So why would I be good at relationships? You want to make the affirmation, something that makes sense and your subconscious will believe. So I make every effort to engage positively in the relationships that I have in my life. To keep them healthy. And whole. And inspiring. That could be an affirmation. And the most important piece. Is it has to tap into and engage with your emotions and your feelings. And it needs me your emotions and your feelings. Around the desired outcome. I want you to say it. Pause. Feel it in your body notice. When I say this thing, where does it show up? How do I feel it in my body? Can I just take a moment and feel into it, see what it feels like. Does my body shift at all. When I say things. Do I have any fluttering of energy? Does it feel really good? That's what you're looking for. You're looking for a, some sort of a positive impact. In the emotional experience. And those emotions can be. Felt in your body, which is usually if you're not used to feeling into emotions, one of the easiest, best and most effective ways to do so is to feel into the body. So you say the words a bunch of times, the same words you say them over and over, and you're like how do, where do I feel that, where do I feel that, where do I feel that? And you just get curious and notice and ask your body to tell you where do I feel that where does that show up for me? How do I know that this is true? And the last kind of final piece is that you've got to be willing to believe that using affirmations as effective. Now I've had people say to me, I feel like when I use affirmations and I'm lying to myself and they're trying to get me to see things through like the Pollyanna rose colored glasses. That's not what we're trying to do here. Or we're trying to do is come up with statements to help you to counter. The automatic negative thoughts or statements that are already coming out of your mouth. So here's how you're going to figure this out. Here's how you're gonna get really clear on this. I need to take five minutes right now. And just think about in the last, I don't know, 6, 7, 8, 10, 12, 24 hours. Was there a time. Where you just didn't feel. Emotionally good. Maybe you were sad. Maybe you were angry, frustrated, annoyed, overwhelmed, stressed out. Exhausted. What was going on? What did you experience. What was the event? And then I want you to notice what was the thought associated with that event? What came up for you? And it could be. Because I've been here. Oh, they always do that. Why do people always treat me that way? So then we figured out the statement and then we dig into it a little bit. Is this, does this, something that comes up often? Why do they always do that? Maybe looking at your spouse or your kids, why do they always do that? And then you dig a little deeper and you're like, why do they always do that to me? They don't do it to anybody else. They just do it to me. It's what are you thinking? What is the thought associated with that? The underlying story. That says they only do that to you because I promise you. Nobody is only doing anything to you. If you have that kind of thinking that, oh my God, somebody is doing something only to me. That is a cognitive distortion. And it is. A coping mechanism that you have developed. To remove yourself from the emotion to be able to point the blame at somebody else. Instead of just saying what's actually going on is I feel like nobody cares about me, right? So then when you write your positive affirmation, it is going to be targeted at that thing. Now. Here's the work, right? So we can practice writing affirmations. You can Google affirmations. And say Alyssa positive affirmations for parenting eliciting, positive affirmations for weight loss, a list of positive affirmations for relationships. Alyssa positive affirmations around money. I listed positive affirmations around my work. What's the positive affirmations, right? You can go on and on. Think about all the specific things you want. And you will get thousands upon thousands of affirmations. Now it's not really important that you have a specific affirmation that you use. The strategy that I like to use. As I like to see what's going on, what I'm experiencing and what limiting beliefs are showing up as a result. Of whatever I'm experiencing. So these are the thoughts. These are the, this is the process that goes on that as we dig below. The event happens and we have an emotion and we have this thought that arises and we did below and we dig a little bit deeper and we start to figure out that there's a limiting belief there. And the limiting belief is that I'm not important enough for anyone to put effort into the relationship with me. That's why all my relationships sucked. It must be that people don't want to have a relationship with me. That's a limiting belief. So then we look at what kind of statement do we write to counter that limiting belief that's going to help to heal that limiting belief. That's what affirmations are about. They're about helping you heal. Here's what I want you to do with your kids. I want you to start talking to them about the power of their words. And you can use these same principles and you can tell them that. The words that they use matter. You can ask them to reframe things. So if your kid comes home and they get what they consider a bad grade on test. Or they get into a conflict with a friend. The ask them. Questions. To help them to get clear. On what they're thinking. The way that I like to do this is I say to my 14 year old, Hey words have power. So the words that you just said to me, I want the words that you tell me, other words. That you wish were true about you? Kids are so much better than this than we are because we have all these old stories that say how ridiculous this is, but watch the power of this. When you say to your kid, when they say. Oh, man. I'm so stupid. I can't believe I got that wrong. And you say, Hey, I just heard you say I'm so stupid. If we could change that phrasing because words have power and your brain's going to believe you when you tell it at stupid. What do you wish was true about your brain instead? And they're going to say something like, I wish my brain was smart and you're like, okay. So let's just say that. Let's see how it lands. Let's take one hand and put it over your heart. And close your eyes and say, my brain is smart. My brain is capable. And what does that feel like? And if you feel like you're getting at pushback from your older adolescent. That's okay. Just point out what they're saying and let them know that their subconscious mind. The part of the brain that makes 35,000 decisions a day without them having to even put any effort into it. That it believes anything. They tell it about itself. If the words that are coming out of your mouth or I'm so stupid. Even if you don't truly mean you're stupid. I have plenty of adults that I work with that when they make a mistake, they go, oh, I'm such an idiot. And you're like, okay are you an idiot or is that just a phrase that you use? When you've messed up.'cause messing up is okay. It's okay. To make mistakes and screw up. No big deal. But does that mean you're an idiot? Because words matter. That's where you start with your older adolescents. The those that are going to push back on this. Now you. You might have an adolescent that is, 14, 15, 16 years old that you could say, Hey, I want you to do this thing. I want you to practice thing with me and they're all in. And that's the goal. That's where we get to eventually, but you've got to earn credibility on that, on all this stuff that you're, that you want to be teaching them. You've got to get credible. And right now you're not credible because you haven't figured it out yourself. But why promise with you when you start leading by example? They're going to follow along. So one of the, my favorite things to do is once I figured out what the affirmations are, I have three different ways in which I. Bring those positive affirmations into my life. One is I use the reminder on my iPhone. And I set them up here's the affirmations that I'm working on right now. I'm setting them up these times on these days and on repeat and they just pop up on my phone. Every hour, every three hours, every whatever, during the Workday, on the weekends, not on the weekends. Schedule it in. So I get them, they pop up, I wear an apple watch as well. So they pop up on my apple watch and I, it buzzes. And I looked down at that and I read the affirmation and I take a moment. All I do is I take a beat. I look at it. I take a breath. I feel into the feelings of it. And then I hit complete and I move on. It takes me three seconds. Another way that you can do that. If you're not. Using technology for this kind of stuff is you can use post-its. Stigma on your bathroom mirror. Stick it on your computer screen, wherever. Have affirmations written on post-its and then another one is like some other form of I have some white boards on my wall. I often will have little affirmations written on that as well. But any where. That you see them. Cause the idea is, remember your subconscious brain makes 35,000 decisions a day and it's taking in and processing all of this information from all over the place. So it's really important that your brain is seeing this stuff. And that is just running through automatically. And then it gets easier and easier, and then it becomes the natural state of things. So there's so much more that we can talk about here, but I'm going to stop us here. This is what this episode is talking specifically about affirmations and how to start introducing them to your kids. But it's really important that you practice them first. Get started. Let me know how it goes. And if you have specific questions about this, or you just want to share what your experiences with this episode, please, by all means. Send me a DM our comments on the podcast post on my Instagram at Pam guidebooks coaching. That's it for today. Guys, if you are loving this podcast, I would love for you to leave a review and let other people know how amazing you think it is. Until next time, take care.