Ep 67: 10 Tips to Restore Peace Right Now!

In this weeks episode we are diving in to my top 10 Tips for Restoring Peace in your life, your inner world, and with your family!! 

These strategies are simple, effective, and so frickin’ easy to implement. You get to choose, DECIDE, what is going to work for you, it is not my call, it’s yours! 

And sure there are probably thousands of ways to restore peace, these are MY Top 10! Let me know how they work for you! 

FEEDBACK: 

If you’re like “I love listening to Pam chat with guests and share wisdom.” Then head over and write a review! We really appreciate your support and it helps us to keep growing!!  https://pamgodbois.com/ApplePodcast

Thank you so much for listening to this week’s episode. Be sure to tune in next week.

WORK WITH PAM:

Join the Aligned Mom’s Membership, a monthly membership that EMPOWERS Moms, by teaching them to BREAK THE PARENTING PATTERNS of old, and clearing out the Limiting Beliefs related to Parenting, learning to regulate emotions, rewire the nervous system, while teaching their kids to do the same and learning to see the BEAUTY IN IT ALL! JOIN US → https://www.pamgodbois.com/enroll

CONNECT WITH PAM:

Be sure to connect with me more on Instagram @pamgodboiscoaching. I’d love to hear what you thought of this episode and your major takeaways.

Facebook More your Jam? Connect here

TikTok where it’s at? Connect here

🌟Head over to my website to learn more about how we can work together to shift your thoughts, challenge your beliefs, & transform your life.

The best thing you can do for yourself and your kids is effectively regulate your nervous system. And a great place to start >> to wire the brain for gratitude. Research tells us that gratitude increases happiness and a peaceful mindset. Make the shift and watch how things in your life start to change. Sign up today! www.pamgodbois.com/gratitude

Transcript

0:00

Welcome back to The Peaceful Home Podcast. My name is Pam, and I'm your host. And this week we are talking all about how to go about restoring peace in your home and in your life. Now it makes sense that as a mom listening to the Peaceful Home Podcast, that you would be seeking more inner peace. That's what today's episode is all about. So I'm gonna share with you my top 10 ways. To restore peace to your life. So let's dive in Hey guys, so I will be totally honest with you. There are. Probably hundreds of ways that you could restore peace, and there are gonna be different things that work for you than work for me and work for the next person. But they're all rooted in the same ideas, the same concepts. And so you have this opportunity as I go through this list of 10, my top 10, you have this opportunity to try things on, to check them out, to give them a go and see if they work for you, and then to move on to the next one and discard or save it for later, or whatever you choose to do with it. The beauty of this work, the beauty of this podcast is that you have the ability to decide yes or no. So if you decide, yes, hang on to it, write it down, take make note of it so that you can come back to it so that you can practice it again. you're like, Pam, that doesn't work for me, it's totally fine, but I want you to consider something. Is there something else getting in the way of its ability to work for you? Is there an old story, an old belief, something that says that just doesn't work for me? That idea, that concept, it just doesn't work for me. It never has because if you have an old story around it, it could be that what's actually getting in the way of one of my top 10 in helping you to cultivate more peace is your own inner struggle with accepting this practice as a peace practice. Let's go backwards. Number 10, this is gonna be no surprise to any of you if you've listened to me for more than five seconds. Number 10 is grounding. It's developing a grounding practice. I really like the practice of mindfulness as a tool in grounding. And what does grounding mean? So when we talk about the elements, we talk about earth, water, fire, air, and I like to think of them as like built in almost like a like stacked on top of each other in a statue, right? So earth is at the bottom and then water, and then fire, and then air. And when we are looking to cultivate grounding, what we're actually saying is, I wanna cultivate more earth energy within myself. Now, you could get into astrology here and look at your natal charts and see what's present for you and what's not. But in my experience, earth is the presence of grounding, steadiness, stability, right? Too much earth energy. Can lean to stagnation, it can even move in the direction of depression. Water is the energy of flow, it's the energy of creativity and too much water just kind of makes you indecisive. Like you just kind of go with the flow all the time. You know those people that are so irritating because, They never have a direction. They're just whatever. Man, that's no big deal. I don't know why I always goes back to that voice when I look at an overabundance of water. But water too much water is kind of like softness, almost like, like a jellyfish, right? So they're like energetically, they're just kind of soft. They don't really have opinions. They're not really. They don't have stances that they're taking. They're just kind of, present and like, kind of floating around in inflow. And the energy, the element of water is where our creativity lies. It's where emotions are and all that stuff's great, but staying there too much creates this kind of gelatinous almost consistency to your flow of water. Next up on this in your statue, if you're stacking them, the next up is fire. And fire is great cuz fire is your passion, it's your power. It's your, it's the things that you take stands on, right? But too much fire is anger. Too much fire is hostility, negative big negative emotions that are kind of categorized in those sorts of things where they tend to not just be a feeling, they tend to be an action and it's an action that does harm. I always think of that movie inside Out with a like little character, a little fire character that's like too much. That is a perfect example of too much of the element of fire. On top of that is air and air is like light and joyful. And playful. It's uplifting, but too much air is anxiety. So when people that I know that are the element of air, cuz we all have elements that are, that dominate us, I'm definitely earth earth and water is kind of my my state of being. And I have some fire as well. I'm also a little Pitta Aveda. But the element of air is like kids, right? They're like joyful and playful and you hear your kids playing outside and they're like laughing and having a great time. And I can identify the voice of somebody that is, Totally air. And what's interesting is those individuals always say to me it's, it would be so easy for me to be in a panic attack to just be like, let these nerves slide me into a panic attack. So if you feel like that's kind of your natural state, you might be a little airy. That's okay. Airy is not flighty, airy is too much. Air is anxious. Okay, so just kind of a quick, what does that look like from an elemental standpoint? When you talk about grounding, we're talking about stability, we're talking about steadiness, we're talking about connection to the earth, and one way to get there is through the practice of being mindful, being present in the moment and experiencing the experience one moment at a time. What might that look like? There's lots of different practices that you can use for grounding. There's lots of different mindfulness practices that you can use. It might be something like simply paying attention to your breath as you're breathing, right? So if you've ever been in a situation where you're experiencing anxiety or panic and you can gain control of your breath, you will notice. Breathing mindfully and slowly and with a rhythm slows things down for you, right? It starts to ground you, move you towards earth energy, which is what we want when we're fired up or when we're anxious, right? Move towards earth Energy helps to slow that down. Another practice of mindfulness Is just attending to the thing that you're doing. It doesn't matter if you're brushing your teeth, if you are taking a shower, if you are helping your kid with an assignment or supporting them in something or folding the laundry, it doesn't matter what you're doing. It could be your job. It doesn't matter. Pick something simple, really straightforward and simple. Something that you do on a daily basis and allow that to be your practice of mindfulness. Maybe it's taking your first sip of coffee every day, or your first sip of tea every day is like you just take a moment, you smell it. You hold the mug in the warm mug in your hand. You take a deep breath and allow your shoulders to relax. You're present and connected to the cup of coffee that is in your hand, or the cup of tea that is in your hand, the warm beverage and. You put the cup up to your mouth, like that. You know how you know if something's hot, you like put your mouth on the cup and you're like, Ooh, I can feel that's hot. I gotta blow on it, or I'm gonna take a moment, or I'm gonna let it cool, or whatever. It's almost like that sensation you're not necessarily looking for whether it's hot, too hot or not. You're just taking a moment and you're bringing it up to your mouth and you're going. Okay, and you're like kind of breathing in and experiencing that experience, and then you take your first sip and you fe, what does it taste like in your mouth? What does it feel like in your mouth? You just take a moment and you enjoy the first sip of coffee. That's a mindfulness practice. It could be when you're taking a shower, you decide that when you wash your hair, you're going to wash your hair mindfully, which means you're only gonna focus on. Washing your hair, the smell of the shampoo, the the feel of the shampoo in your hair, the, the water as it's, combining with the shampoo in your hair, your fingertips on your scalp, whatever the components are of you washing your hair. Same with brushing your teeth. The taste of the toothpaste. Toothpaste, the feel of the toothpaste, the feel of the toothbrush, the the kind of methodical, rhythmic pattern of brushing your teeth. Mindfulness practice. I had somebody that I worked with years ago that used to, every time she sat at her desk during the day, and so every time she went to pick up her cup to take a sip of water, that was her mindfulness practice. It was like three seconds long, but she did it all day long. So this is not like a super long involved practice. It's just something that you go, Hey, I'm gonna tune into this thing. And what starts to happen is you, the brain starts to rewire. You start to develop a little bit more ease in finding grounding, and you start to return to a place of peace. Mindfulness practices are great meditation practices for those of us that have very active brains. So a D H D somebody that's just an active thinker, somebody that's anxious depressed. If you're experiencing any of that kind of stuff, then you probably have a lot of thoughts happening in your head. Totally fine. This is not designed to make the thoughts go away. This is designed to like flex the muscle of. Bringing your attention to something over and over again, and just like flexing the muscle of your bicep. When you do a bicep curl with a weight, you're strengthening that muscle. The same thing's happening in your brain. You're strengthening the grooves that allow you to make the choice to be grounded to come back to that. All right, so that's number 10, number two number nine. I don't know how to count backwards. Number nine is the practice of gratitude. And I know you've probably heard me talk about gratitude a million times. I did another podcast episode where we talked about gratitude. Gratitude is where it's at, and gratitude is where it's at. Because gratitude has an amazing capacity to rewire the brain for peace. It has an amazing capacity to rewire the brain, the neurological system. To allow you to be present in the moment, to be calm, to be collected, to be peaceful, and. The more you practice gratitude, the easier it is to see things that you're grateful for. And tho that starts to be, your brain starts to wire towards those positive experiences. This is where the peace comes from in gratitude. It's not because all of a sudden, magically life gets easier or your kids stop being, five years old in the summertime, right? It's not because of that, it's because you've wired your brain to see the positives, and so it stops focusing so heavily on the negative experiences. Doesn't mean the negative experiences are gonna go away, it doesn't mean there's not gonna be conflict, but you're gonna be able to manage that conflict with a sense of peace and calm. Now, I've talked about gratitude a million times. It's in a bunch of my podcast episodes. I'll talk about it for eternity, and part of the reason. That I love gratitude so much is because it was literally my first meditation practice. My personal first meditation practice was the practice of gratitude. And I have been teaching gratitude for over a decade, and that's part of the reason why I have a guide, the Gratitude Guide to a happier and healthier life. So if you are interested in getting your copy of the Gratitude Guide, just sign up. There's a link in the show notes, and all you have to do is click on it. Put in your name and email address and the guide will start coming right to your inbox and it gives you 15 different practices that you can use to do this. Number nine, this practice in gratitude. All right, number eight is this lovely little practice called Acceptance, specifically Radical acceptance. So radical acceptance is a practice of just accepting things exactly as they are. And recognizing that there is nothing to be done about it. It's not that there's nothing that you can do about it. It's that there's nothing to be done about it. It's nothing to, there's nothing to fix. There's nothing to change. There's no one, or there's no person or situation that you're trying to influence, but you just say this is the way that it is, and there's nothing wrong with that. It may not be exactly what I Desi desired. It may not be exactly why I showed up here to do this thing, but it is the best that it's going to be in the moment, and it's go the best that it's going to be because I'm accepting it exactly as it is. Acceptance is like one of the steps to self-love, right? When you can accept yourself, when you accept your circumstance, it's much easier to love you and love the people around you and all that stuff, right? Which we talked about a little bit in the ba last episode, So years ago when I was working for community mental health, one of the things that I used to teach was D B T skills, dialectical Behavioral Therapy Skills, and one component of that type of training, it's a type of cognitive behavioral training. One of the elements of that type of training was this practice in acceptance and radical acceptance in particular. And there was this story we used to share, and I am gonna share this story with you because it cracks me up. So there's a man who decides that he's going to make the perfect lawn. He's gonna make his lawn green and lush and get rid of all the dandy lines that are in his yard. And he works diligently season after season. He first season, he rips out all the dandelions and puts it down to the seed and does all the things to make the grass exactly as he wants the grass to be. And then he waters the grass and he, does all the things that like kind of bring the grass to life. And as the grass is coming to life so too. Does the Dan do the dandelions? The dandelions start to grow and he's like, oh man. So he tries it again, takes out the spray, sprays down like the weed killer, whatever, thinks they're gone for good, goes into the winter, everything's great, spring arrives, and. The grass starts to turn green again. There's starts to be buds in the lawn and all of a sudden, all the dandelions, he's got thousands of dandelions in his yard and he goes back out and he rips'em out and he does all this research and he finds the things they're supposed to get rid of the dandelions and he sprays it and treats the lawn and mows lawn and does all the things. And he is like, okay, finally I have the perfect lawn. My lawn is green and lush and there are no dandelions. And then, The season evolves. The dandelion flowers turn into those the seed pockets, like the little puff things that you blow. And he looks to his, the neighbor on his left and looks to the neighbor on his right, and both neighbor's yards are covered with these and the wind blows. And as the wind blows, it drops the seeds all over his lawn and dandelions grow once again. So he goes to all the experts. He goes and gets, he tears up his lawn and puts down sod and, new grass and tries to treat it. And season after season, he's going through and doing everything he possibly can to get rid of the dandelions. He's like, all I want is a perfect grass. I just wanna get rid of the dandelions. And so finally, one season. The spring rolls around. There are dandelions in his lawn. He's exas exacerbated and he sends a letter to the agricultural department and his state to try to figure out what he can do. To get rid of the dandelions for good. He's tried everything. He's researched, he's talked to the people at the flower center and at the hardware store, and he's done all the things that he can possibly think of. So he is like, I'm gonna go to the experts, I'm gonna reach out to the experts, and I'm gonna write them a letter and request guidance and assistance. And so he sends out this letter and he is waiting and waiting for a letter to come in return cuz this story is before email. So here we are, right? This is waiting for the letter to come in the mail, waiting for somebody to respond. Finally, the letter arrives. He's so excited he finally has the answer and he opens up the letter and it says, dear sir. Thank you for your correspondence and for asking this age L age long question. How do I get rid of the dandelions in my yard? I understand that you've tried everything that you can think of that you've used, all the resources that you've spoken to, the local garden center, that you've gotten to the hardware store. You've tried all, you've tried the chemicals, you've tried to pull the weeds, you've tried putting in new Grass seeded new sawd. You've done everything that you can possibly think of to get rid of the dandelions and the dandelions are not going anywhere. They're in your yard. Sir, we have one final recommendation for you. And he was all excited to get down. He gets reads out, we have one final recommendation for you. He's like, yes, here it is. And he goes down to the next line and he reads, we suggest you accept the dandelions. That's what radical acceptance is. It can be you've tried everything in the world to make it better, and you get to a place where you're like, What are my other options? My option is that I can radically accept this exactly as it is and not expect it to change. And if it does change, if next season he goes out and he finds this magic thing, something else gets invented and he can spray it on his lawn and the dandelions go away, then so be it. But if you think about dandelions from a kid's perspective, I remember being a kid and like picking dandelions and buttercups both of which are weeds and bringing them in to my mom. Like, here, I picked you flowers. I have neighbors that like, Literally they forage and they forage in my yard because we have thousands of dandelions. And he'll be like, Hey, can I come get some dandelions? And I'm like, yeah. And he comes and gets the leaves like when they're, before the dandelion blooms, he comes and gets the leaves. He's a chef as well, the leaves. And he does all this cooking and he is like, here's this amazing meal that I made with like the things that I forged in my neighbor's yard, which would be my yard. I'm like, yeah, have at it cause I'm not doing it. Get them outta my yard. That's fine. So there is this component of just. Leaning into and coming to a place of like embracing the thing. That drives you crazy. And it's a practice. I get it. It's not easy. It's not E, it wasn't easy for this gentleman in this story to just embrace the dandelions and be like, okay, here we are. Just embrace them. But the idea of radical acceptance is really about embracing it. It's not about tolerating it. It's not like, fine, I guess there's nothing I can do about it. That's not the energy. The energy is the energy of embracing and being like, This is an opportunity for me to embrace this thing that has been driving me crazy and see what happens, what's gonna happen when I embrace it. Because for most of us, we're not stressing about or worrying about the dandy lines in our yard. That's not why you're here. You're not like, you know what's creating a. Unrest in my life, the dandelions in my yard, that's probably not the case. Even if you have dandelions in your yard, and even if they drive you crazy or maybe your husband's obsessed with them, the issue's, not the dandelions. The issue is your husband's obsession with the dandelions, right? The issue is not your kid or your your inability to control them or their behaviors or whatever. It's the attachment that you have to the story that says, Their actions mean something about you, right? So if you're, like, if the thing that you're gonna practice radical acceptance on to find some more peace is you have a two-year-old that's tantruming and you're like, I'm just going to accept and allow them to walk their journey and not try to fix it right now because it's not working. I've tried to fix it and it doesn't work, so I'm just going to accept it. What you're doing is you're accepting that you can't be in control. Of everyone else, including your two year old. So that's what acceptance is all about. All right, number seven is letting go of responsibility for other people and taking accountability for yourself. So why does this create a. Peace. One of the things that starts to happen when our kids hit like 7, 8, 9, 10 years old and beyond, like it might've started happening then if you've got like a 12, 13, 14 year old, you might notice this still going on. We have a tendency to think we have to teach them how to do everything, and that the only path is our path, right? So if I got to this ripe old age of 46 years old by. Busting my ass in school and making sure all of my assignments were passed in on time. And I have a daughter who's like, could I get away with not passing this assignment in? What's that gonna do to my grade? Am I okay with the grade I'll get if I don't pass this assignment in because this assignment's a headache and I don't really wanna do it. Now I could get all up in arms and be like, you have to pass that in because there's a story there that says, this reflects on me and I'm a bad mother, or whatever other things I have in my head, but it's not my responsibility to walk her down that path and make her pass in the assignment. Now, I will just be totally upfront and honest with you. I was that kid. I was the kid that calculated. How much work I had to do in order to keep a B average in all my classes. I figured that out early on. And she's kind of the same and I just kind of laugh about it. So here's the component of this, right? As parents, we often believe that it is our responsibility to make sure our kids behave a certain way. Have you ever sent your a kid off to one of your kids off to like a friend's house and you're like, you give them the lecture beforehand and you know this is how you act and make sure you say, please and thank you and make sure you do this, make sure you do that, and then you send them off and you're like, God, I hope everything works out okay. And then they come back and you're like, how were you? How did it go? And you're checking in with the other parent that's you attempting to take responsibility for their actions. Let go of that shit. That's not your job. It's your job to lead them. It's your job to let them know the difference between right and wrong. It's your job to help them make those decisions early on and figure out how to make the choices and what do you base those choices on. But it's your job to lead by example. So instead of trying to force. Them to act in the way that you want them to act, and then taking responsibility for their actions. And you see how taking responsibility for their actions or their behaviors or their lack of behaviors or their attitude or whatever doesn't reflect poorly on you, but we take responsibility for it. And what that does is it lets them off the hook. Like why would your 12 year old. Take responsibility for their snarky attitude. When you are working diligently to get them to get rid of their snarky attitude, they're gonna see that as your job. So stop taking responsibility for them and just hold yourself accountable for you. And it's okay to hold them accountable. It's okay to say this is the expectation, and if you don't meet this expectation, Chances are there'll be some consequences in life. There are consequences in life if you don't do an assignment, if you don't show up somewhere, right? If you're on a team and you don't go to practice and you blow off practice for an entire week, and as a parent you're like, Hey, it's important that you get to practice. Make sure you stay after school for practice and your kid doesn't go, the consequence is likely going to be they don't get to play in the game. That's just how it is. That's a natural consequence that arises, that is outside of your doing. If I don't pass in my assignment at school, I'm probably gonna fail, or I might get points taken off or passing it in late. Those are natural consequences. It's your job to only be accountable for you, and it's their job to be responsible for themselves, right? It's not your job to take responsibility, so when you can let go of responsibility, you're turning over their power to them. And you're taking back your power. So letting go of responsibility is really about empowerment. And just think about like if the choices that your adolescent makes, this is in particular with that age range, that's harder to P parent, right? The 8, 9, 10, 11, and up range. Just think about it for a moment, when you're able to let go of being responsible or taking responsibility for your kids' actions. And you allow them to deal with the consequence or whatever the story is or whatever that experience is, when you're not pushing so hard to control them, there's way more peace for you and your relationship with them gets better. Cuz you get to say I mean, hey, that's your choice, right? You're not trying to shape them or manipulate them into doing something that you think they should do because you're their parent. At some point, we all need agency. We all need to be able to take responsibility for our own actions, says number seven. Number six is recognize judgment for what it is, which is envy. When we judge other people, what we're really saying is, man, how come they can do that? And I can't. That's what it's all about. And I'll give you an example, a parent related, parenting related example. My daughter is part of the theater program at the middle school, and she was in the crew this past spring, and they put on a production of Matilda Junior. And it's, I mean, it's middle school. It's like fifth through eighth grade that's involved. Nobody's winning Tony Awards. And I had something else going on one night. The play was two nights. I had something else going on one night and I said to my daughter, Hey, what do you think about Dad going to your show on Thursday and I'll come on Friday? And she was like, yeah, that's fine, because she gets it. We've had these conversations a million times, she gets it. And I was like, okay, cool. There's other thing going on that I would like to attend and dad's on call on Friday night, so it makes sense. We'll swap off. Great. So I go to the play and I go and I sit by myself. She's, cuz she's at backstage doing her thing. And there's a mom that, I'm parent, a family, a huge family that I'm sitting behind. And the mom turns to me and she said, were you here last night? And I was like, no. And she was like, you weren't here last night. And that's how she said, like, you weren't here last night. And I was like, no. And she was like, oh, was your kid in the play? Your, she's in the play, isn't she? And I was like she's on the crew. Yeah. And she was like, oh, and you didn't have to, and you didn't come last night. And I was like, no. My husband came last night, and she looks at her husband and she was like, Ugh, we should have done that. But first she had a big attitude about like, like, what do you mean you didn't come? Like all the parents were here. And she said that to me like, oh, all of us parents were here. And I was like, yeah, my kid has two parents. We don't both have to be here at the same time. And then I talked to another mom like I moved cause I was like, I'm out. I don't need this energy. And so I moved down, I'm talking to another mom and she was like, talk her daughter's in the play and. And we, my kid's in a school, in a larger middle school in the next town over and the little town that we live in has an elementary school that goes up through sixth grade. So our kids go over there at seventh grade. And so there's this woman sitting there and I'm like, she looks kind of familiar, but I mean, who knows? I see people all the time. And she knew who I was right away. And she was like, oh, isn't your daughter on tech? Blah, blah, blah whatever. And I was like, yeah. And so we were having a conversation. And she was like, you weren't here last night. And I was like, no, my husband was here. And she was like, lucky. And I was like when we want something, right? Whether it's like, I want the freedom to not have to go to every single thing that my kid does, or whether it's, I wanna, fit into that skimpy bathing suit on the beach and feel comfortable and confident enough to wear it. I wanna like have a nice car, a nice house. I wanna have a, a I grew up in a community where there's a lot of judgment around wealth. There was a lot of wealth and there was a lot of judgment around wealth as well. And it would be like, did you see that ring on her hand? And I'm like because you want the ring that was on her hand. This is what's happening. I had a friend that was like, oh my god, that went to school with Gu, was like a six carat diamond on her hand. And I was like, good for her. Like, hell yeah. Six Kara Diamond. And she was like, like totally had an attitude about it. And I was like, yeah, because. When we don't recognize that the reason those judgments and those attitudes are arising is because somebody has something that we want and we don't have it, then we're able, when we recognize that, we're able to stop ourselves and be like, stop it, Pam. Stop that. Don't judge that person for driving around in the car that you want. Like, you're never gonna get it if that's the case. Because the other thing that does from a manifestation perspective is you're telling the universe that's not for me. A having a kid who's okay with me not going to the play every single night, that's not for me. That's why I'm judging this other person. Having a six Kara and Diamond on my hands, not for me having a million dollar house, not for me having the, Lexus whatever car that not for me. This is, these are the things that are coming up. When you are judging other people, so recognize that and when that's the case, when you recognize that, you're able to stop yourself and go, Hey, actually I do want that thing. I do have a desire around driving a really nice car. Wouldn't it be great to drive a really nice car? Wouldn't it be great to, have the support that I want in my life? I often get judged for the fact that my husband takes my kid places. He is, I'm not this isn't like a, like he's an involved dad. Like he's a co, he's a co-parent. He parents half the time and we live under the same roof, right? Like we are together. It's not like we have a shared custody agreement. We're married, we live under the same roof. And he parents just as much as I do and always has since day one. With maybe the exception of like, middle of the night feedings when she was an infant. I do give him shit about that. However, we've had so many dogs since then and he is the middle of the night dog whisper. I'm not interested. We have a two and a half year old yellow lab. And when she was a puppy I was like, you get this one, I got Marley in the middle of the night. You get Luna in the middle of the night. But peop, when I say to people like my husband does long, does the laundry, they're like, oh, must be nice. I'm like, it is nice. It is nice. That's a judgment. And that judgment is coming from a place of, I wish I had that thing. Is this making sense? Yeah. So that's number six. Number five, meditate. Now you might be thinking, Pam, I've tried meditating. I can't do it. Meditation does not mean that you. Shut down your brain and that everything's silent. That's not what meditation is. Okay? Meditation is a practice. It's a tool. It's a strategy to shed stress. That's it. And it has the ability to help you gain some clarity, to help you feel grounded. It has the ability to help you with regulating your emotions, with regulating your thoughts. Like I said, gain clarity, gain insight. Meditation is a tool, and I just wanna say as an a, D h, D, human being, if I can meditate, so can you, if I can meditate, so can you. So if you're like, I can't meditate, that's bullshit. What that means to me. As a meditation teacher is that you haven't found the practice that works for you. And like I said, my first practice of meditation was grounding, and then I went from there to mindfulness, and then I moved from mindfulness, and now I use mantra meditation all the time. Transcendental mantra meditation all the time. It is my favorite form of meditation and it has the most impact and is really been beneficial for me. There's lots of different strategies for meditation. There's lots of resources out there as well, and If you're like, I need a resource, I need guidance, I need support, I have someone that I can refer you to, so just send me a message and let me know and I'd be happy to share her information with you. She's my meditation teacher and she's amazing, and she has a meditation membership, so that's something that you could certainly. Jump into and she'll guide you through all the things, all the processes. I also teach meditation inside the mom's membership. Every month I teach a live meditation that you get the recording of and you can listen to and practice over and over and over again. And I vary through all different types of meditation. And you'll notice if you're in the membership that I tend to go back to. Mantras every other month or every couple of months or so. And that tends to be my regular practice. But meditation is a tool to help you shed stress, to help you regulate your nervous system, to help you ground, to help you be present in the moment. Okay? So that's number five. Number four is to cut yourself on slack. God, cut yourself some slack. Give yourself some grace. Allow yourself to screw up, stop planning everything. Everything doesn't have to be perfect. I had a conversation with a mom recently and we were talking about like summer, and she was talking about all the, I feel like I need to schedule 3000 things so that my kids have things to do because I have some work and stuff that I have to do. And I was like, you don't have to do that. Cut yourself some slack. It's okay if your kids watch a movie once in a while. It's okay if your kids do self-directed crafts or art projects, right? It's okay to like get some watercolor paints if your kid's old enough and you're not worried about them, like painting on the walls, it's okay to like. Restock your paints and your painting paper and your paintbrushes and like get it organized and put together a little cart Carts are great for those kind of elementary school age kids. Having a little craft cart is great and you can say, go grab a craft cart. Go, go to the library and grab some books and say like, go grab some books. It's okay to let them be bored. It's actually really healthy because it allows them to be creative and it allows them to be self-directed. And step back, cut yourself some slack and let, and that this is like with your kids, but this also includes like if you order pizza, who cares if you, if your kids eat. Chicken fingers and french fries. Who cares if you're like, tonight we're having scrambled eggs? Who cares if you're like, we're having pancakes for dinner. Don't, doesn't matter if you feed your children, that's probably a good thing. Or you have something, some resource for them to be able to feed themselves. Great. Cut yourself some slack. It is the quickest way to find and restore some peace is to just be like, my house doesn't have to be perfect. The laundry doesn't all have to be done. And you can hand some of those tasks over, if you've got a kids I had a mom in the thing that I'm doing right now that was talking about how she has a kid who always wants to wear the same clothes to school with son. Elementary school-aged son who always wants to wear the same clothes to school. And she just said to him, you can wear those clothes to school. But my one requirement is that they're clean. As long as they're clean, you can wear them to school. Guess who started doing laundry? Her kid, because he wanted his clothes clean so he could wear them to school. It's that simple. It's that simple. Number three is to create a space that you adore. Create a space in your household that you feel comfortable and calm and at peace. Now, this can be something as simple as you buy a candle and you put it next to your bed, or you buy a new lamp for your bedroom, or you create a little space in your, family room that is like, you have a special pillow and a little spot that you can kind of sit and meditate, create a space, put in new lighting, change your curtains, get some accessories, whatever the case is, I don't care. Create a space that you absolutely adore. I had a client a couple years ago that Was trying to make her bedroom a space that she adored and she went to like Home Goods or some store that's like Home Goods and found it might have been a target actually, and found these little lights that have like, it was like these, this artificial vine with like these little twinkle lights on them. And she happened to have a bed that had like this big wooden Headboard. And she bought these lights and she strung them across her, like across her headboard. And she got a couple of throw pillows and she sent me a picture of her room and I was like, oh my God, I love your room. I wanna live in your room. And it was all it was a couple little tweaks. It wasn't anything major, but she created a space that she adored. And so every time she went into that space, she felt at ease. She felt at peace. That's what you're trying to accomplish here. Create a space that you adore. I don't care where the space is. I don't care what the space looks like. Think about the five senses. What does it smell like? What does it feel like? What does it taste like? What does it sound like? What does it look like? Look at the five senses and figure out how can I incorporate some of this stuff in ways that like that. I go, oh yeah, this is good. That's what you're looking for. All right. Number two is reflect and reflect. Often, this means get to know your thoughts. Your feelings. Get to know your beliefs. Recognize, like I talked about with the judgment one, letting go of judgment when judgment arise. Recognize, oh, I'm experiencing a judgment, and that's probably because I want that thing, or I'm envious that person has that thing and I don't. That's what reflection is all about. It's being able to notice when you're experiencing something, when you're feeling something, when you're thinking something, when a belief is getting in the way or is causing some sort of struggle for you, that you have the opportunity to pause and you literally pause you, like, imagine that you're hitting the pause button. You pause and you go, okay, how do I wanna feel? How do I wanna be experiencing this? What can I do with this? And you allow yourself to look at it. This is what journaling is for. Use journaling prompts. I have plenty of resources for journaling prompts. I will link them up in the show notes. But I have plenty of resources. I have like 30 day journals and gratitude journals, and I have all sorts of journaling stuff that you can use to just practice self-reflection. It is so valuable on a long-term perspective. To restoring and cultivating peace in your life and creating health in yourself, your mind, your body, your emotions, your relationships, all of that. The number one thing, the number one tip that is on my list to restore your peace is to decide that's right, to make the decision. To experience peace, to decide that today I am at peace to decide that whatever I need to make peace possible is what is going to be in my life today. That you make your decisions based on that intention, that decision that peace is a priority, that peace is your new norm, and then you have the opportunity to be like, okay, so if peace is my new norm, how would I respond to this situation? If peace is my new norm, what would I be doing here? If peace is my new norm, how would I handle this? If peace is my new norm, what would I do next? That is all based in this understanding that you get to decide. Like I said, there are a hundred or hundreds of different ways that you can restore peace in your life. These are my top 10, and they are powerful when you practice them. And I will tell you, I use the decide one every single day in every single way with every choice and every experience I want to have. I just decide. I decide that it's normal. I decide that it's no big deal, right? So if you're like, oh my God, having peace is such a big deal, then getting to that place of becoming an energetic match for peace, which is what deciding is all about. This is all my manifestation stuff, right? So you just decide, I am gonna be an energetic match for peace. And if you are like, oh my god, peace. That's so crazy to have peace, you're never gonna get aligned as an energetic match for peace. Never. Not until you shift that attitude and the attitude is one of, it's no big deal, like it's a foregone conclusion. Is that how it go? The statement goes. It just is. It just is like, of course I experience peace. Do you know why I experience so much peace, inner peace and peace in my household? Because I decided and I became an energetic match for it, which means that I just am like of course I have peace. Of course my relationships are healthy. Of course, my kid and I are connected. Of course, my kid respects me and I respect her. Of course, that's what deciding is all about. Okay guys, so there's my top 10. Let me know what you think. I would love to hear, and I would love to know what practices you're using. And be sure to share that you're wa that you're listening to this, like right now. As you're listening, screenshot it right now. Screenshot it. Take a picture of it and post it to your Instagram story. And tag me at Pam God voice coaching. And one of the things you might notice, Maybe you probably don't notice, but my U R L has shifted at Facebook as well. So it's at Pam Guide Boys coaching everywhere. Except Tik TikTok cause it wasn't available. But you can get ahold of me at Pam God Boys coaching both on Facebook and Instagram. And I would love, love, love to hear from you and how you're doing and how this episode lands for you. Okay guys, take care and I will see you next week.