Episode 96: Harnessing the Law of Attraction in Conscious Parenting

Are you ready to transform your parenting approach and create a home filled with peace and positive energy? 🌟 In this must-listen episode of the Peaceful Home Podcast, we dive deep into the Law of Attraction and its incredible impact on parenting preteens, tweens, and teenagers. Discover how to harness this powerful law to foster a supportive and harmonious environment for your family. Here's what we cover:

• The Foundation: An easy-to-understand breakdown of the Law of Attraction and its role in shaping our children's experiences.
• Conscious Strategies: Practical steps to align your thoughts, emotions, and energies with your parenting goals.
• Personal Reflections: Insights from my journey, highlighting the pivotal role of self-awareness and emotional regulation.
• Home Harmony: Tips for creating a peaceful atmosphere that nurtures your child's well-being and addresses challenges like anxiety and defiance head-on.
• Aligned Moms Society: An introduction to a community and resources designed to support you on your path to conscious parenting.

This episode is tailored for mothers seeking to deepen their parenting practice and foster a positive, loving home. Ready to transform your parenting journey with the Law of Attraction? Tune in now.

🔗 Interested in our 1:1 Coaching? Book a discovery call by sending an email to: askparentingtherapist@gmail.com

💌 Enjoy today’s episode? Please share it with a fellow parent or leave a rating and a review.

Follow The Parenting Therapist:

Youtube: Coming Soon

Instagram: @parentingtherapistpam

Facebook: @pamgodboiscoaching

Want to join The Aligned Mom’s Society: https://www.pamgodboiscoaching.com/aligned-moms

The best thing you can do for yourself and your kids is effectively regulate your nervous system. And a great place to start >> to wire the brain for gratitude. Research tells us that gratitude increases happiness and a peaceful mindset. Make the shift and watch how things in your life start to change. Sign up today! www.pamgodbois.com/gratitude

Transcript

Pamela: 0:00

Welcome back to the peaceful home podcast. My name is Pam Godbois, and I am your host. And if you are a mom that finds yourself stuck between your own spiritual journey. And the every day work of motherhood. This episode is for you. Today, we're diving into how to use the law of attraction. And the personal work that you're doing. In parenting, how are we going to use this in parenting, our preteens, our tweens and our teenagers. So let's dive in. Maybe you've read the secret. So you're familiar with the concept of the law of attraction. And you understand that through the law of attraction, like attracts, like. That, what you think about you bring about. Under laboratory conditions. Science has confirmed that every thought is made up of energy and has its own unique frequency. And when this energy and frequency of a single thought radiates out into the universe. It interacts with the material world matter and physical objects. Right. And. We also understand because we've been gathering this data for a really long time that at a quantum level, all matter, all physical objects are just simply energy and frequency. All of it. And so as your thoughts radiate out, it attracts the energy and the frequencies of like thoughts of like objects of like people. And it draws those things back to you. In this way, we create the world. We live in our minds, literally create our reality. And I know this can be kind of a woo concept, especially if you're hearing it for the first time. But let's agree that this is how it works. Just for the sake of his podcast episode, let's talk about it. Ask the questions. But let's just agree that the law of attraction is a universal law. That applies to everything and everyone. So we understand that like attracts, like, and this means our thoughts, our feelings, our beliefs, all of it shapes our experiences and through parenting our children's experiences. So how exactly does a law of attraction apply to parenting? When we apply it to parenting, we can understand that the energy, the emotions, the thoughts, the old stories, the belief systems that live in us. Can either help to create harmony. Or amplify tension in our world with our family, with our children. Mom said to me all the time, how do I control my daughter's behaviors? How do I control? Like how do I fix her relationships with her friends? How do I get her to stop being reactionary or defiant? How do I get her to be more respectful, a cooperative? How do I fix her anxiety? You know, she's struggling with depression. She's worries all the time. She's not sleeping. Like how do I fix these things? What do I do? How can I parent this out of her? And obviously some things are going to say, like, I'm not trying to parent out her inability to sleep or her anxiety, but you might be trying to parent out. Her defiance or you ask her to empty the dishwasher and she doesn't do it, or she doesn't do it right away. The pushback, the not getting the schoolwork passed in the failing grades, the. Sneaking out maybe, or I'm treating you poorly fighting with your siblings. Maybe you're trying to parent that stuff out of her. And I. I get it. But no amount of parenting tactic. Trumps the law of attraction. So what the hell does that mean? What that means. Is that our children are mirrors and they are reflecting back. And being attracted to. The frequencies, the energies, the thoughts, the emotions that we are putting out into the world. They are caught up in our little psych clone of emotional baggage. And it's like leaking out on them. And so you're seeing it in them. Even if you don't want to be seeing it in them, right? Like maybe you got pregnant as a as a young woman and you were like, I just hope that my kid doesn't have anxiety like I have. And then you were an anxious parent when they were really young and lo and behold, you've got to. 10 or 11 year old, who's now super anxious and maybe doesn't want to go to school and is having a difficult time with friends and, and you're consumed your world is consumed by this anxiety because you were consumed by this worry. Of anxiety. And so when that story gets put out, Universal energy goes. Okay, great. Bring you more of that. Bring you more experience of a, of the anxiety and then allow your child to feel that kind of vibrational frequency of anxiety, which they then internalize because your. Energetic sphere is a little more powerful than theirs. In the beginning and there's a whole strengthen, but there are things that we can specifically do through parenting and understanding these concepts of a law of attraction that will help you and them on this healing journey. But what it means at the end of the day is that. Like attracts, like they're your mirror. The way to transforming your child's behavior. Is through transforming your inner world. So often as parents, we're quick to send our kids off the therapy because they're struggling. But what I say to moms all the time as a therapist and a parenting coach is like, I mean some of the therapy, there's nothing wrong with them going to therapy, but the real work, the real stuff that has to be done is the stuff that lives within us. It's our old baggage that we've maybe buried. It's our blind spots. So things we're not even aware of. I don't know about you, but in where, how I grew up was I'll find I'll do it myself because I was left to do things myself. I was the youngest of four and just kind of, it was me, my older siblings had kind of left the house. And my mom went back to work when I was in middle school. And so it felt like this may not have been the reality and that talking to my mom now, she's like, what are you talking about? That's not what it was like, but that was my experience was it was, felt like I was on my own. And part of the reason for that is because. Parenting in the eighties and nineties was very much based in, I put a roof over their head food on the table. I put clothes on their back. I didn't abuse them. I wasn't terrible to them. I took them to the doctors I met their basic needs, but our parents, my parents in particular. And probably yours as well. Didn't have the emotional supports in their life. To get their own emotional needs met as children, because that wasn't a thing. So they didn't have the skills, the tools and the resources to meet my emotional needs. So as an adult, I've had to do that myself. I've had to do that healing specifically, so I don't pass it on to my child. That has been the entire reason for my self work, from the work that I've done over the last, you know, 14, 15 years. Has been about not passing it on to my kid. My bad habits, I say. My bad Juju. And so you can decide to do that as well, or you can decide to put it on your kid and try to through parenting mold, their behavior, shape their behavior. We have baggage, right? We all have baggage. You know, this, I know this, and this is why it's important that we do our own work and be intentional about our parenting. So it's yes, you have to parent, I'm not saying don't parent, I'm saying be intentional and utilize is understanding that if like attracts, like, can you teach that to your kids? Can you help them understand that what they put out, they get back and you don't have to go into the. You know, all the universal law stuff and understanding all the things. It's the, like, if you want to be treated with kindness, be kind right. It's that. It's essentially that at a molecular level, vibrational frequency. Right. And helping them understand that the more you entertain the fears, the worries, the stress, the doubt, you know, the more you step into like going into middle school and being like, I'm going to have nobody to sit with at lunch. The more likely you are to have nobody to sit with at lunch. And it's unfortunate, but that's how the law of attraction plays out. I have an adult woman that I work with. Uh, coworker And. Uh, one of the things, one of me, I'm a therapist and a parenting coach. I also am a hospital social worker. I'm a medical social worker. And I do some stuff in the hospital and I have a coworker that I work with. It always says, oh, I always get the difficult families. And so guess what? Almost every day, she's got a difficult family member to deal with.'cause she's put that out and I will often say don't put that out to the universe. Right. And that's kind of the code around here in my house. That's what I do in parenting. I will say to my husband, to my daughter, like, don't put that out to the universe so much. So I've said this so often through her life. My daughter will hear my husband say something like for instance, she was sick last week. And our pediatrician sent us to urgent care because they didn't want us waiting. They were concerned about her breathing. And I called my husband and said, Hey, we're going to this urgent care. And he's like, great, I'll meet you there. And I said, the doctor doesn't want us to set an appointment for an hour and a half of the doctor's office. And she doesn't want. Us to wait that long. And he paused and he didn't say anything. He just paused. Then we get to the doctor's office and he says, are there urgent care? And he says, I was going to say, we'll probably wait that long at urgent care. But I decided not to, because I would get like yelled at, like, don't put that out into the universe and I'm like, why did you put that out into the universe while we're sitting in this room? And guess what? We were there for an hour and a half. We waited 45 minutes for the doctor to come in. So I was like, you did this, right. It's kind of a running joke that happens in my family. But the truth of the matter is when like, attracts, like what you put out there, you get back what you put out there. This is when we talk about manifesting, right? When I believe something in my heart, I don't mean to say it out of my mouth. When I believe it inside of me, it happens. Have you ever noticed that you were like, I knew this was going to happen? Have you ever had those experiences? That's what that is. That's what that is. So as we move into this understanding that we can use intentionality, we can set intentions. To shift how we parent and how we show up for our kids. So that their experience shifts. This is not an episode where I'm saying do these parenting strategies. This is an episode where we're shifting our thinking around parenting. So the very first thing to understand is the role or the power. Of intention setting. As a law of attraction practice. So in parenting, this means being clear about the type of relationship that you want to have with your child. This is going to be developmentally appropriate. Right? It's going to be based on if you've got a four year old versus a 14 year old. I want you to be, get really clear. So take a moment. Write this down. What intention or what type of relationship. Do you want to have with your kid? And then we start to shift. From reacting to behaviors. Like you ask your kid to empty the dishwasher, to pick up their toys. They throw a tantrum, they freak out, they storm up the stairs. They ignore you. You tell them they're going to take away their phone or their device, and they have a meltdown. The goal is to go back to what kind of relationship do I want to have with them? Do I want to be like parents were in my parents' generation where it was like, I'm the boss. I'm the parent. You listen to me because I'm the parent. If that's not the kind of relationship you want with your kid. And you've got to let go of that dynamic. And learn to shift. Into consciously creating a positive and nurturing environment. So when my kid gets mad because she left, usually it's something silly. Like she left her shoes upstairs and we've got to go at school. She's got to go to school and we're getting ready to leave. And she goes, oh, my sneakers were upstairs. And I go, oh, I'm sorry. That stinks. You just came down. It don't raise up the stairs to get her sneakers for. If she asks me to get her sneakers, I'll make the decision in that moment. If I'm not able to, then I'll say it. But it is real important in my house that if you want something from me or each other, that you communicated, that you use your words, right. And allowing your intention, your intention of like, Who do I want to be? How do I want to show up? What type of relationship do I want to have with my kid? Allowing that to be your guide guiding force. In how you show up in how you parent. This intention is often rooted in what your values are. So the clearer you are and what you value, what's important to you. The easier it is to stay. Tuned into your intentions. Now, what I like to do. And what I often will suggest. Is an intention setting practice like a daily or a weekly intention setting practice. Where you take five minutes. And you just simply ask yourself a question. The goal is to approach the day with a clear, positive mindset about your relationship with your kid. And then you focus on what do you want to focus on this week or today? So some examples, uh, to, they all listen to my to my team, because this is me with empathy and without judgment. Maybe that's this week, I'm going to really focus on being intentional, empathetic, and responding and listening without judgment. And these are all going to align with based on what you feel like your kid needs and what maybe what you feel like you need to work on. So, if you find yourself and your kid comes home and tells you about their friends or a struggle with a peer in their middle school, and you're like, oh, those jerks, like, you don't need them. Those friends stink. We'll find you can find better friends. It's fine. Or like, yeah, this is just how. Middle school girls are like, you'll get over it or like this too. Shall pass. I see that a lot. I see that like, communication a lot with, because we don't know what to do. We don't know how to handle it. So we go. Like this too shall pass, right? Like, oh, it'll be, you know, sleep on it. It'll be better tomorrow. You don't know that. And this could be something that's eroding your daughter's self worth. So instead of stepping in with judgment, which is what that is. And direction stepping in with empathy and without judgment. So you're saying I'm so sorry you're going through this, honey. I feel awful. I've been there myself and. How can I support you? What can I do? To help you right now. Is there anything that I can do? Right. That is empathy and acting without judgment. You might, you might set an intention of like, I intend to create a calm, respectful atmosphere in the home. If you've noticed that it's been really chaotic or siblings have been fighting, or then you set an intention of like this week, we're focusing on. Calm and respectful. And you know, what, how do we go about doing that? What are some things that are that cause conflict in those areas or problems in those areas? And maybe your kids are fighting over video games and you're like, you know what. This week, we're going to take a, screen-free like after school time and we're going to play some board games and we're going to do some art projects or whatever. Right. Whatever the things are. My, I have an almost 16 year old and she loves board games. So. You know, after homework, we, you can take a walk. There's so many things that you could do that if they're. Things that are causing struggles or stress in your environment that you can remove. It might be getting out of the house, taking you and your kid out of the house. Like maybe the conflict or the struggle is with the co-parent. And you're like, you know, I'm just going to, there's a lot of stress, you know, dads or moms job is really busy and chaotic and they've got a lot going on and they're like short tempered or whatever this week I'm gonna, I'm gonna work really hard at trying to create some common peace for my kid. So we're gonna, we're gonna remove ourselves right. I'll say patient and respond with love even when challenges arise. Right? So you can decide what your intention is going to be, but. Setting a statement of intention. What is my focus going to be in order to have the kind of relationship I want to have with my kid? The next thing to explore is like the emotional energy that you bring to the table. Right. As I said previously, If you're stressed, anxious, frustrated, overwhelmed. It can trigger similar emotions in your preteen, your teen, even your young child. So, this is where you get to observe your own emotional experiences. And practice regulating now. So much of this is the, the understanding of self-awareness right. Being aware of self and then managing or regulating self. A big component for a lot of us parents. A lot of us millennial parents that maybe didn't get what we needed growing up. We learned that feeling was bad. Having emotions was bad. And so you're not trying to. Tell your kids in emotions are bad. And a practice that could be really helpful for you as a matter of fact, would be. Sitting with your emotions, taking some time. To allow yourself to feel the emotion. Now, sometimes we take this shit to the extremes and we're like, I've been sitting in my emotions. I see this in therapy all the time. I've been sitting in my emotions for the last three weeks and it's not making me feel better. Like. No, it's probably making you feel depressed and they're like, yeah, I feel so depressed. I've just been sitting in these sad emotions. And if you tend towards extremes That's a lot of us, right? Like if you tend towards extremes women in our thirties and forties, we tend towards extremes when we're talking emotions. And that's because we never learned how to find some regulation. Or maybe, uh, like for myself, I'm like peri-menopausal so my ADHD symptoms from adolescents are much worse now than, than they have been in a while. And so, that's very easy for me to latch onto extreme. So I'll just sit in the misery of it for like days and that's not healthy. So if that's you then just give yourself time, like give yourself the opportunity. So maybe it's 20 minutes in the morning. Maybe it's 20 minutes at the end of the day that you just allow yourself to feel. The emotions in your body, you notice where you're feeling ma'am come back to. Was there a time during the day that I was feeling something that I didn't have time to feel at that, at that particular juncture, right? Maybe you're dealing with conflict with kids or, you know, somebody's punching somebody and you've got to step in. You can't just feel your feelings, right. Uh, now you're giving yourself space to feel your feelings that you're breathing, focusing on the thought and the emotion, allowing that thought. And that emotion just show up in your body, notice where you feel it in your body and just allow yourself to ride the wave. Think about it as like literally riding a wave. Does it go up? Does it go down to when you have a thought. And the emotion arises. Does it trigger other thoughts? Does it bring you down a path? All of that's. Okay. And if you're like me and you could spend decades in that negative emotion. Then give yourself time, like give yourself a timer. I have a little like chime that goes off after 20 minutes. And you like do some breathing, you do some writing to just kind of process through you close your journal. When you close your journal, it's done you the next time you sit and feel will be the next day. And if you're have a lot of emotions to process through, that's fine. You're allowed to have a lot of emotions to process through. It's totally fine. No big deal. It doesn't make you a less loving or compassionate human being. And makes you somebody that's been carrying shit around. And it's like cleaning up the closets. Right. If you on a sad, beautiful Saturday, you think I'm going to clean out that closet. That's real big and real deep. And it's got a lot of crap in it and it's been probably 20 years since we cleaned it out and you go in and you start cleaning it out and then like you get distracted or something happens or, or you have, uh, plans to meet someone for dinner. Right. And so you're like, oh yeah, I'm going to start cleaning out a closet. I gotta do this. And I gotta do that. And then you start cleaning a closet and it's like 10 o'clock in the morning. And then you've got to throw some laundry and you've got to clean up the kitchen and your kid asks for something. You get to drive somebody somewhere, but you're still working on cleaning the closet. And then it's time for dinner. And if you're like me, you don't want everything out. You don't want to like leave all the stuff that's in your closet, out in the middle of the floor. So you put all the shit back in the closet. So. Essentially what's happening is like you say, I'm going to throw these things away. I got to sort these things, but then those piles go back in the closet cause you didn't have enough time to sort through them. And what we want to do here is rather than put our emotional piles back in our bodies closet. That we go, okay. I sat with that. And when the story comes up again, you go. I've already. This is good. I've done this. I have compassion for myself. I'm here for it. I've done it. And now I'm moving forward. Right? So law of attraction and like leg attracts, like, and all that is not like about Pollyanna putting on rose colored glasses and ignoring the negative. Nor does processing through your emotions. Bring you more of those emotions? Is it like this Interestings? Stuff that happens with the law of attraction. That when you allow yourself to sit with the emotions. And just be aware of the experiences that you're having. And. Coming at that with love and compassion for yourself. It helps to reduce inner conflict and turmoil. It helps to heal some of those old stories that maybe you're putting out and there's a struggle or turmoil happening with your kid. And also gives them the opportunity. Too. Do the exact same thing. Because once you start becoming more aware of yourself, Your own emotional experiences you start processing through and regulating some of that kind of closing out those cycles. It's much easier to walk your kids through the same process. And that's beautiful part of this journey. That's why we do this work right. Because most of us are not like, you know what my favorite thing in the world to do is clean out that closet. That just is like a bottomless pit. And it's never ending and never like, could just keep going for decades and it would never fully be emptied. That's not like something we want to do on our beautiful Saturday afternoon. Right. That's like not, not our thing. But we do shit like this for our kids, because that's how much we love them. So when we recognize that sitting. And allowing ourselves to feel, even if those feelings are sadness, anger, overwhelm, like things that were like, I don't want to feel these negative things, depression. Right. Grief. You are offering a gift. To your child by working through this stuff. And so in that sense, Recognizing it as a gift and an opportunity and something to be grateful for. You expand. The experience. Of gratitude and more gifts come to you. And one more component here is learning to reframe negative interactions. So when we're faced with kind of typical preteen teen behavior, I have like mood swings and defiance and withdrawal. It's easy for us as moms to get stuck in that negative loop. It's easy to like demand an apology or focus on the conflict and resolving the conflict and we need to fix the conflict. And so. That is a true focus on the problem. Right. And. Our work with law of attraction and healing is not to focus on the problem, but it's to start to shift our focus towards the solution. Can you shift your mindset by asking what do I want this situation to look like? So when there's conflict, instead of engaging in the conflict, you simply step back, you observe yourself. And you say. What I want this situation to look like, well, how do I want the outcome? To be for this right. So, if you're frustrated with your team's lack of communication, Instead of saying things like my kid never talks to me. I've tried all those, you know, try it, all those question and answer prompts and they don't engage with it. And they just they just ignore me and nothing changes. Shifting your focus, shifting your story and the words and thoughts that come out of YouTube. I'm grateful. The open. I'm grateful for the open and honest communication that I have with my team. Is going to bring you more open and honest communication with your team. No. I like to take this one step further because this is there's law of attraction and then there's parenting. Right? So I like to take this one step further and I actually will say to my kid, I am so grateful for the connection that we have. And I appreciate all the open and honest conversations that we're able to have. And my goal is to be able to have more of those. And I know that I've got stories and shit that gets in the way of that. But I'm working really hard at trying to stay in this space and trying to help you be in this space as well. And so let's move from this place, right? Our kids can't read our minds. So just because you decide you're going to start doing something differently, if you don't tell them you're doing something differently. They're going to have no idea. And maybe you've had this experience in your life that any time you've tried to change the people in your world, try to stuff you back into the box from which you came. And really. What you're looking for is for them to support or validate all the hard work and effort that you're putting in. People don't do that unless they understand that this is intentional. And that's where intentionality comes in. Right. It's being able to say like, Hey, I'm making these intentional shifts so that we can embrace this new way of being. So that we can support each other so that we can reset and using intention here when we're talking law of attraction is so. Freaking important. I can't even, I can't even emphasize this enough. That when you know what your intention is, you can keep coming back to that intention. Over and over anytime you struggle, anytime you're stuck. Anytime you find yourself going, here we go again. This is never going to work. You don't understand my kid's difficult, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Fill in the blanks with all the reasons why we stay stuck in the problem. And working to just simply flip that script and shift into the solution and the solution is. Focusing on what you want to see. What you want to experience what you want to feel and the same for your kids, what you want them to see, experience, feel how you want them to show up how you want them to be in the world. Right. And this is why. This work that we're doing here is so important. This is why clearing out our old baggage is so important. This is why showing up with intention and supporting our kids and working to reframe the negative and focusing on what we want. Is so important. Because not only does the universe not understand. No. Like, so I want my kid to stop. Doing X. I want my kid to stop being defiant. I want my kid to stop having an attitude. Well, my kid to stop yelling at her that your sibling. The universe doesn't understand that they just understand the universe understands yelling at my sibling. But neither does the, your brain, your brain doesn't understand negatives. It's like this weird thing that happens in the brain. That's mirrored in the universe. That it doesn't understand when we say things like. I just want to stop yelling at my kids. The question I ask is that therapist all the time is if you're not yelling at your kids, what will you be doing instead? So use that, use that question, use that statement. If you're not doing this thing, what will you be doing instead? And then we focus on the instead. And you can literally do this with your kids when they say like, you, I want you to stop nagging me or you need. You know, why are you always in my business? Or why are you always treating me like this? Or why do you always yell at me? Or why do you always take my things away? Or, you know, whatever, fill in the blank with whatever the. The frustration or the struggle is from them. And you can say, okay, well, here's the goal? What are we trying to have happen here? Right. If I'm not yelling at you, what are we doing instead? Right. If we're not yelling at each other for not in conflict, what are we doing instead while we're talking or communicating. Okay. And what does communication going to do for us? Well, communication is going to help us feel heard and supported, and that's where connection comes from. It's going to build trust and all of these things, right. So the goal. As I said is to focus shifting from the problem to the solution so that you can focus with intention. On that positive outcome that you're looking to experience. So that is how we use the law of attraction. This understanding that like attracts like. To set intentions for parenting. So we'll keep talking about this. We'll keep moving in this direction. If you've got questions. If you're needing more supports, let me know. I would love to. Recording more podcast episodes about this stuff. And this is the kind of work that we're doing inside the aligned moms society. Right now. This is the kind of stuff we're talking about. In our weekly. Mostly weekly. Group coaching calls. This is the kind of stuff we're doing. We're reframing, we're shifting our language. We're figuring out how to effectively communicate with our kids so that we can support their growth and decrease conflict and all the things we don't want to see. In our lives as moms, as well as doing our own healing and getting the support for that. So right now we've got a deal running, so be sure to check the show notes for, uh, the deal to sign up for our totally revamped align moms society. So I hope to see you there and let me know if you have questions. Thank you guys so much and have a great week. We'll see you next week.