Episode 99: Unlock the Secret to better Mental Health for Mom and Child

Are you on a journey to deepen the bond you share with your child and lay the foundations for their emotional well-being? Dive into this transformative episode of the Peaceful Home podcast, where we explore the pivotal role of mental health in enriching the mother-child relationship. Host Pam Godbois illuminates the path to a more connected and resilient family dynamic, shedding light on the interplay between a parent's and a child's mental health.

Included in this episode:

• Introduction to Adolescent Mental Health: A primer that sets the stage for understanding the complexities of your child's emotional world.
• The Current Mental Health Crisis: An examination of the challenges today's adolescents face, highlighting the urgent need for awareness and action.
• The Role of Therapy in Adolescent Mental Health: How professional support can be a game-changer in navigating your child's mental health journey.
• Building a Strong Mother-Child Relationship: Practical strategies to fortify bonds through empathy, understanding, and unconditional support.
• Identifying Warning Signs in Adolescents: Learn to read the often subtle signals that your child might be struggling.
• Debunking Myths About Teenage Emotions: Challenging misconceptions to foster a healthier dialogue around mental health.
• Strategies for Strengthening Emotional Health: Tools and techniques to nurture resilience, trust, and open communication.
• Supporting Moms' Mental Health: Insights on ensuring your well-being is prioritized for the benefit of the whole family.
• Conclusion and Journaling Prompts: Guided reflections to help integrate the episode's insights into your daily life.

Step into a space where understanding meets action, where knowledge becomes the bridge to a stronger, more loving connection with your child.

Ready to transform your parenting journey and forge deeper, more meaningful connections with your children? Join the Aligned Moms Society today and embark on a journey of growth, empowerment, and unity.

🔗 Seeking personalized support? Book a discovery call: askparentingtherapist@gmail.com

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Follow along for more insights and support:

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Instagram: @parentingtherapistpam

Facebook: @pamgodboiscoaching

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As Mentioned in this Episode - Check out Living CALM, a resource for moms on this journey to healing and raising compassionate & confident kids. 

The best thing you can do for yourself and your kids is effectively regulate your nervous system. And a great place to start >> to wire the brain for gratitude. Research tells us that gratitude increases happiness and a peaceful mindset. Make the shift and watch how things in your life start to change. Sign up today! www.pamgodbois.com/gratitude

Transcript

Pamela: 0:00

Are you wondering if your adolescent mood swings or withdrawals are just a phase or something more? Welcome back to the Peaceful Home podcast. My name is Pam Godbois, and I am your host. And today we're diving into the powerful role of mental health in the mother, child bond. In this episode. We'll explore some common myths around teenage emotions, discuss the warning signs to watch out for and share practical strategies to build a more open, supportive relationship with your kiddo. So join us as we uncover how prioritizing mental health, both for you. And for them can strengthen your connection. Like never before let's dive in. I don't know about you. But I am feeling the need to talk about mental health right now. As we roll into the winter months, the shorter days, the more darkness. As we roll through a historic presidential election here in the United States. And as we look at raising our daughters in a world where going out for a walk with a friend, As a grown-ass woman. Means bringing your mace or your pocket knife. We've been saying for a while, but we are in a mental health crisis. And our teens are feeling it. And so are most of us moms really? So whether we're looking at our teens mood swings or our own feelings of inadequacy, if we don't take mental health off the back burner, And make it a main focus for us. 2025 is going to get rough. As moms, it's our responsibility to make sure our daughters and our sons mental health issues. Are addressed, but that might not be in the way that you think. As a matter of fact, More kids are in therapy than ever before. And yet it's not fixing the problem. Now mind you. I am a mental health therapist. So I understand what happens in therapy. And I'm not. But. You might say that putting your teen or your preteen in therapy. Could just be the worst thing for their mental health. Now before you stone me, hear me out. Therapy alone does not fix a mental health crisis for your kids. Because they have no control over anything. Nothing. Their life is in your hands. You control everything. And now. It might not feel that way as a parent, but that's the truth. And so something giving a big feeling, adolescent girl, 50 minutes a week with a complete stranger, so that that complete stranger can validate her. Existence. Holds much less weight than you learning the tools to be able to support. Validate and lead her with emotional health in mind. Believe me. Like I said, as a therapist and a mom, I know being a therapist is way easier than being a mom. And sending our kids to therapy. Is way less on us, right? It, it feels like it's checking a box and it could be fixing something, but it just doesn't work. It's just not the solution. They spend so much more time with you and to have so much more years and trajectory and. Trust and a longer relationship and a deeper connection than they could ever possibly have with some stranger in a room. I E a therapist. Now that's not to say. Don't connect your kids with a therapist. I'm not saying that. This is to say that it is a very small piece of the puzzle. And if you're dealing with a child, who's trying to navigate a symptom or understand something about themselves, better therapy is the best place to do that, right. To go to the expert that knows the things, but just kind of bringing your adolescent to therapy because you're not really sure what to do with them. Is not going to get you where you think you want to go. The mother child relationship is foundational. And you've heard me say that a strong, emotional connection, nurtures trust, and open communication, which can build resilience both in you and your kiddo. But it also allows your adolescent to feel seen and safe with you. Which is the first component of a secure attachment and the secure attachment. Is what allows us as humans to feel safe in relationships. And it puts us in a position to choose healthy over toxic relationships and partners. But it's also a gives your child. The confidence to call you out. When you're bringing your old stories into the mix. I E our old toxic baggage that has us feeling less than, and keeps us locked in self-doubt and mental health struggles. It is our job to model healthy, emotional regulation. Your kids look to you. They look to their mom for cues on handling emotions. Whether that emotion is positive, like joy or pride. Or whether it's navigating the difficulty of grief, sadness, and rejection. They are watching and denying that you're feeling something will not work. They are too tuned in for that. So we have to be open about our feelings model self-awareness and emotional self-management. And allow our kids to see the process. This offers them hope that they can experience negative feelings. And continue to move forward and grow from the challenge. This is what resilience actually is, right? The definition, according to the American psychological association is that resilience is the process and outcome of successfully adapting. Too difficult or challenging life experiences. Especially through mental, emotional, and behavioral flexibility and adjustment to external and internal demands. So you might be thinking. Okay, but how do I know if there's actually an issue? How do I know of what I'm experiencing with my adolescent is not just normal. Well, there are a few things to keep an eye out for. The first one is withdrawal and isolation. If your daughter in particular spends excessive time alone. Particularly if she appears withdrawn. This can be a sign of underlying struggles with anxiety. Sadness or social disconnection now for our sons, they're much more likely to stay in their room with the door closed, usually because they're engaging in behaviors that we don't want them engaging in. But. For our daughters, that's not. Developmentally healthy. Our daughters are much more wired for connection. Now, that's not to say you can't pull your son out of his room and do the same things we're going to do here to connect, but just keep in mind. There is a gender difference on this one. The next one is persistent irritability or anger. Irritability is normal and adolescents. But if anger or frustration becomes a constant. It may be a way of expressing deeper unresolved emotions. Now the gender difference here is that girls are much more likely to. Attack you to freak out at you to be angry at you. Over seemingly small things. Whereas your sons. Are more likely to be irritated with the world. So the teacher's a jerk. Everything sucks. Everyone sucks. They're angry. They're not experiencing or demonstrating any other real emotions. Other than they're angry, they're throwing things. They might get physical, throw something in their room, break something of theirs. This is an opportunity for you to kind of dig down and go, what's actually going on. If your adolescent starts avoiding certain topics. Or certain topics seem to cause them to shut down. It could indicate discomfort or feeling that their emotions won't be understood. This is really important as they're developing identity. To start to become a researcher and notice like becoming an investigator. Noticing, maybe conversations that previously were not an issue are now causing them to shut down. That's an indication. They're trying to tell you something with that behavior, or at least our subconsciouses. And finally Low self esteem, adolescents who constantly criticize themselves, display an unwillingness to try new things or fear failure, maybe grappling with self-worth issues. Now the struggle here is figuring out what rises to the level of an issue. And we have a tendency to rely on things like social media. In this time of social media and me too ism, it's easy to hold some beliefs that can lead to negative outcomes for you and for them. I E just because a hundred parents on social media. So they've experienced the same thing that you're experiencing. Or that your kids experiencing does not make it. Okay. As a matter of fact, there are lots of myths floating around, out there on social media. So let's debunk a few. The first is that it's normal for her to hide away in her room. Notice I said her I'm specifically talking about your daughter's here. Now the reality is I know that teens have been doing this for centuries or whatever they say. But while teens do need personal space and it's not abnormal for them to want to spend some time in their room. Consistent isolation is different. It is a message, a message that says they don't feel like what they're experiencing, what they're going through is important, or that they are not enough for you to make time in your life to address their needs. So they just simply hide away. They don't believe that their needs are going to be met. And they may mean they may believe this because they don't think that you can handle their struggles. But the bottom line is. They're hiding away because they don't believe if they're going to get what they need in the environment with you, or that being in the environment with you is going to cause them more duress. So they hide away. Myth number two is that she'll grow out of this attitude or these big emotions. If you just ignore them. Now I get it. It can be challenging with moods and big feeling kids. I eat. Adolescents, right. That's kind of normal adolescence, but ignoring their emotional experience will cause one of two outcomes either. She will. Work to suppress her emotions to make you happy to make your life easier. I becoming a people pleaser. Or her emotions will get bigger until you finally engage them. So either way, you're teaching her maladaptive coping strategies and it can create distance and prevent real understanding of the deeper issues. And finally this parenting myth that says expressing my own emotions is going to burden my child. In myth, number one, I said, she might believe you can't handle her struggles. That does not mean hide your emotions. Because when moms model healthy, emotional expression. It helps their adolescents in particular feel safer with expressing their own feelings. It lets them know emotions are safe in your hands and normalizes, experiencing emotions. I especially like to share with my daughter, how totally awkward. I always feel a new settings. When my role is not one of the expert. We laugh about it. We talk about stepping into courage to how much courage it takes for me to show up in those environments. I'm gonna talk about how long and pervasive this has been in my life and how I didn't realize it until more recent years. We talk about the behaviors that come out of me when I start to get anxious and talk really fast and talk about stupid shit. And I talk about the calming practices I use to center and ground myself before I go into those environments. And I use humor, but I help her understand that this is a normal process, that we all have these things and that it's okay for her to share her things with me, that I can hold space for them. Now here's some strategies that you can use to strengthen your own emotional health while helping your adolescent or your child strengthen there's. The first is an open communication time, right? Having a check-in and emotional check-in on a daily or weekly basis, depending on your family structure and what feels best to you right now. Frequency is going to depend on like what's available, but it's also going to depend on how pressing this need is. If you have an adolescent who's really struggling and needs your support, you might want to do daily. If you're just trying to build in some healthy habits, weekly will work really well. And you can ask questions, like what's been the best part of your week. What's something that you feel really proud of that you stepped into and engaged with, or a challenge that you overcame. Where did you demonstrate courage, compassion, or kindness for people around you? Is there anything that's been on your mind lately? Is there anything that you've noticed floating into your head right before you fall asleep while you're laying in bed at night? Settling down to go to sleep. Right. It's starting to help them navigate and look at what are the questions to be asking myself, to figure out how I'm feeling. That's one. The second, which is one of my favorite exercises. And I do it with everyone all the time. Is to develop some emotional literacy by helping yourself and your kiddo identify specific emotions rather than just generalizing. Good and bad. Right. You can use an emotional wheel. You can get a sign, a little, little like poster with emotions on it. But getting really specific and helping them understand. How important language is, I'm feeling overwhelmed because of this thing that's going on at school, I'm experiencing some stress. I'm feeling proud that I handled the situation well. Right. So really getting them to label. And what happened? Like why are they experiencing that experience? Is going to help them with, the regulation process. You can do any sort of like mindfulness or ground grounding exercises with them. Maybe it's taking a few deep breaths before dinner to mindfully breathe. Maybe it's at night before bed, you know, times where we might say for some people might say their prayers might be a nice time to add in just some grounding, practices as well, or instead of right. Whenever whatever your, um, routine is is fine. Next up is to set a boundary on technology for your emotional health. We've all done this where we've come home after a stressful day and we get on to Instagram or Tik TOK, and we just doom scroll. We read all the things that are going on in the world are going on. And, you know, we, we try to hide in comedy. We cry in the reality. Um, whatever it is, but we just kind of do this thing where we're not thinking we're not engaging. We're not working our brain. We're just scrolling. And so having designated tech free times or zones like at the dinner table or an hour before bed, or, um, undistracted time together, you know, sitting at the table and playing a board game or going for a walk together, all of those can be tech-free times that allow for more positive mental and emotional experiences. And the other thing you can do is really talk about the use of self care as a tool for managing mental health. And being able to simply. Say, Hey, I'm going to go for a walk today. Um, how are you going to take care of yourself? Like what are you going to do? To manage your own emotional health and wellbeing. Today. This is my plan, right? So you're just simply talking about it. Now a lot of this work around helping your adolescents, your kids navigate their own emotional health requires you being able to navigate your own emotional and mental health. And that's not the case for all of us. I understand that. Many of us are very aware of our need for emotional health support. And we get that support or we're seeking that support, or we're trying to get that support or you're here trying to get that support. But sometimes we kind of fall into, well, this is my norm. This is how it's always been. I don't know. Is this a problem because it kind of creeps in little by little. So I just want to share a couple of. Signs that. You as mom may need more supports for your own mental health. The first one is persistent irritability or fatigue. Feeling constantly drained or easily irritated. Could be assigned. You're experiencing burnout. Uh, natural, but treatable part of the parenting journey. You do not have to live in burnout. You do not have to stay in a place of feeling anxious, overwhelmed, or depressed. You can get support in this can easily be. Managed. So keep that in mind, if you're feeling this kind of persistent irritability or fatigue, this being feeling touched out. Um, get away from me. Why is there so much noise? Why is it so chaotic? All of those are indications. That you might need more support. Um, the next one is difficulty handling conflict with your kids. If conflicts are frequent or escalate quickly, it may be a sign that your emotional resources are running low. So if this is you, let me know, this is exactly the work that we do, right? This is what we do around here. I help you build your emotional resilience and emotional resources so that you can help to manage your kiddos emotional struggles are ups and downs right now. Decreased conflict increase, or deepen connection. Number three is lack of motivation for self care. Like if you're feeling like I know I should take care of myself, but I just don't feel like it right. When self care feels out of reach, when it feels like it's impossible, there's no way you could possibly do it. It's a signal that your mental health may need some extra support. Because recharging is not only essential for you as mom. But it's also important to set healthy examples. So keep that in mind as well. And just a reminder, these are the things that we do both inside Living calm. which is a, an amazing training for moms, that helps you to navigate all the inner turmoil and BS and old stories. As well as relates that to your parenting with your daughter in particular. And we also have the alignment society, which is a community of moms that come together. About three times a month, a live on zoom to support each other, get your questions answered. Dig through some of this stuff. The baggage and the stuff that we're dealing with currently get some solutions, get some love, compassion, and support, because we all need that. Right. Get some support with the mental health. So we'd love to have you in either of those. Please hit us up. All the contact information is in our show notes, but I want to end today with just offering you two journaling prompts, one for you and one for your adolescent. So here's your journaling prompt? What emotions am I most comfortable expressing to my kid? And which ones do I tend to hide? How can I become more open about my feelings? To encourage them to do the same. Hey, this is your process. And for your adolescent, what is one thing I wish my mom understood about me. How can I communicate that to her in a way that feels safe? So if you have an adolescent in particular, uh, the daughters, the adolescent daughters are loving these. If you have a, an adolescent who wants to do some journaling, that might be a great way for her to do some, um, journaling to process. And then to come back to you with that, to open up the lines of communication, because the truth of the matter is mental and emotional health is a foundation for a loving. And supportive mother, child relationship. It requires consistent attention, open communication, but the rewards are well worth the effort. So, thank you so much for being here today. I hope you will join us. On embracing this journey together, building resilience, trust, and a bond that can weather any storm. Thank you so much for being here. And I look forward to seeing you next week. Take care.