Episode 107: Carrying the Mental & Emotional Load – Why Moms’ Bodies Hold More Stress

Carrying the Mental & Emotional Load – Why Moms’ Bodies Hold More Stress

Ever wonder why you feel like you’re carrying the weight of the world—while everyone else in your family seems fine?

The truth is, moms don’t just juggle schedules and chores—we carry the invisible mental and emotional load of our entire household. We anticipate everyone’s needs, track all the small details, and absorb stress from our kids, our partners, and even the world around us. And when we don’t release it? Our bodies store it.

In this episode, we’re breaking down why moms hold more stress than anyone else, how that stress physically manifests (hello, tight shoulders, anxiety, and exhaustion), and, most importantly, how to start offloading it before it takes a bigger toll on your health and well-being.

You’ll Learn:

💡 The mental & emotional load moms carry (and why it’s invisible to everyone else)
💡 How chronic stress shows up in the body—tight shoulders, gut issues, anxiety, and more
💡 Why women are more likely than men to absorb emotional labor (and how to stop it)
💡 Practical ways to release stress from your body and break free from overwhelm

Ready to go deeper?

If this episode hit home, you don’t have to keep carrying this alone. Join me inside Living CALM—my program designed to help moms release stress, regulate their nervous system, and set boundaries without guilt.

👉 Join Living CALM Here

Resources & Links:

✨ Join the Living CALM Program – A step-by-step system to help you regulate stress, shift emotional patterns, and feel more ease in motherhood.
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The best thing you can do for yourself and your kids is effectively regulate your nervous system. And a great place to start >> to wire the brain for gratitude. Research tells us that gratitude increases happiness and a peaceful mindset. Make the shift and watch how things in your life start to change. Sign up today! www.pamgodbois.com/gratitude

Transcript

1:02

All right. Let's be honest. How many times have you laid down at night, exhausted, fully committed to going to sleep, and then your brain just won't shut up? It's like the minute your head hits the pillow, your brain is like, Hey, remember that thing you forgot to do today? Also, what's for dinner tomorrow? And by the way, it's been three months since you scheduled your kids' dentist appointment. I call this the Mom's Midnight Mental Olympics. We don't wanna participate, but guess what? We're undefeated. And this isn't just about schedules or to-do lists. It's deeper than that because moms aren't just managing logistics. We're carrying the mental and emotional load of our entire household. We are the default keepers of all things. The unspoken expectations, the little details, no one else even notices until they don't get done. And the weight of all of that, our bodies feel it. If we don't process it, it gets stored. And if you've been walking around with tight shoulders, a clenched jaw and a random stomach issues, your body has been sending you alerts like, Hey lady, we can't keep living like this. Today we're diving into why moms carry more stress than our male counterparts and how that stress physically manifests in our body, and most importantly. How we can start off loading some of it before our bodies force us to, okay. I need to tell you a story about a moment that should have been insignificant, but instead it shattered my last shred of sanity. It was a Tuesday night. I was unloading the dishwasher and I saw it. A silverware tray packed with silverware in the wrong way. Bowls and cups stacked inside each other, so literally nothing got clean and I lost my damn mind. Not out loud. I'm not a total psycho, but internally, oh, I spiraled my thoughts went from zero to rage filled martyr in seconds. Why am I the only one who knows how to load a dishwasher? Am I the only person in the house with a functioning brain? Do I have to do everything myself? And suddenly I realized this wasn't about the silverware or the bowl or the cup, this was about the weight I had been carrying. The mental and emotional labor of managing a family, a home, a life, and what pissed me off the most. My husband had no idea why I was upset because to him it was just dishes in the dishwasher. But to me it was proof that I was the only one tracking the details, keeping everything running smoothly, and managing all the things no one else even noticed. So what's really happening here? Why do moms more than dads carry this kind of stress? The research is brutal. Studies show that even in households where both parents work full-time, moms still do the majority of the invisible labor. Sociologists call this cognitive labor, the planning, organizing, and anticipating that keeps everything functioning. And it's not just the physical stuff, like making appointments, signing permission slips, or remembering that it's dressed like your favorite book, character Day at School Tomorrow. By the way, why do they do this to us? It's the emotional labor of managing everyone's feelings. It's noticing that your kid seems off and wondering if it's a growth spurt, a friend issue, or early signs of scurvy. It's keeping track of what each kid likes on their sandwich because it changes weekly. It's remembering that your partner had a stressful work meeting and adjusting your entire emotional energy to manage their mood. And here's the kicker. The brain doesn't differentiate between physical stress and emotional stress. Do your nervous system managing your child's meltdown and running from a bear triggers the same fight or flight response, which means moms are basically on high alert 24 7. So if you feel exhausted, if you feel constantly overwhelmed, your nervous system is not broken. It's just carrying more than it was designed to hold. Alright, let's talk about what happens to stress. When we don't process it, because newsflash stress doesn't just disappear. If we don't discharge it, our bodies store it. And not in some vague float around your aura kind of way. No, your body tucks it away in specific places in specific patterns based on how you're holding and carrying stress in your life. And guess who's an extra risk for this? You guessed it. Moms, because we're not just carrying our own stress. We're carrying the stress of our children, of our partners, our families, and sometimes even our friends. We track emotions. We anticipate needs. We absorb everyone else's energy. And when we don't have an outlet for all of that, our bodies take the hit. So if you've been walking around with chronic pain, tension headaches, or digestive issues that seem to have no clear cause, it's not random. It's your body screaming at you to offload some of that stress before it turns into something bigger. Let's break down exactly where stress gets stored and what it's trying to tell you. The neck and shoulders tends to be the message that you're carrying, the weight of responsibility. Ever feel like your shoulders are up to your ears by the end of the day? Or like there's literally a weight sitting between your neck and your upper back. That's because your neck and shoulders are where we physically carry responsibility. And for moms, the responsibilities are endless. Keeping track of everything and everyone remembering all the invisible details. No one else notices holding the mental load of schedules, meal planning, emotional support, and crisis control studies show that prolonged stress triggers muscle tension in the neck and shoulders, often leading to tension headaches. And even nerve compressions. Chronic tightness here is not just from bad posture. It's from holding too much for too long without relief. I had a client who was constantly tight in her shoulders to the point where she was getting regular tension headaches. When we dug into it, she realized it was worse when she felt completely unsupported, when she was juggling too much and felt like no one was stepping up to help. The moment she started delegating and setting boundaries around the mental load, her shoulders started to relax. The body's message, you're carrying too much. You need to offload some of this weight emotionally and physically. Next step is the gut. So we're talking digestive issues, IBS, bloating, any sort of stress related digestive concerns here. Have you ever felt nauseous before a big meeting had a stomach ache during a stressful week? That's not a coincidence. The gut and the brain are directly connected through the vagus nerve and through the ENS. The intrinsic nervous system where stress hormones flood your system. Digestion takes a backseat because your body is in survival mode. For moms, this is huge because we're constantly in low level stress mode. Eating on the go or scarfing down cold leftovers, rushing through meals while managing kids, absorbing stress from others, which keeps the gut in a reactive state. Chronic stress alters gut bacteria. It increases inflammation and has been directly linked to IBS, bloating and food intolerances a mom I worked with had gut issues for years, bloating, discomfort, food sensitivities that seemed to come out of nowhere. Turns out she had spent decades suppressing her anger and resentment, especially around feeling unsupported. Once she started processing and releasing that stored frustration, her digestion improved. Your body's message here. Your gut is holding onto the stress you haven't processed. It's time to slow down. Create space to digest. Not just food, but emotions too. The jaw and head. Think clenching migraines. This is swallowed frustrations and unspoken words. Raise your hand if you've ever woke up with a sore jaw because you're grinding your teeth at night. By the way, my hand is up. That's not just a bad habit, that's suppressed stress. It's a lack of boundaries. The jaws where we hold this frustration, these unspoken words and these repressed emotions, the literal act of biting our tongue and not saying or doing the thing that might upset someone else. For moms, this is common when you feel unheard or your needs don't matter. You're biting your tongue to avoid conflict, you're absorbing stress, but have no outlets to release it. Studies on TMJ that jaw tension disorder shows that chronic stress and emotional suppression are major contributors to jock lynching, migraines, and tension headaches. I had a client that I was working with that was a classic people pleaser. She always kept the peace, never asked for what she needed, and just pushed through over time. This led to severe jaw tension, weekly migraines, struggles with her thyroid and her throat, when she started actively voicing her needs. The migraines significantly decreased. Her thyroid started to come back into balance. She started to have fewer neck and throat issues. Your body's message here is that you're swallowing your feelings. Instead of expressing them, it's time to start speaking up out loud on paper or through movement. Next up your lower back. This is like financial and emotional burdens kind of live in this area of the body. If you've ever had chronic low back pain, also me, especially without a clear physical cause, there's a good chance it's tied to stress and emotional weight. The lower back is connected to financial worries, like stressed around money, security and providing for your family Feeling unsupported and responsibilities and carrying emotional burdens that aren't yours to hold Studies on psychosomatic pain show that chronic low back tension is often linked to feelings of being unsupported and carrying too much stress alone. It is also linked to our second chakra, which is our reproductive health and our relationships in particular, intimate relationships and relationships with our mothers. Usually when people walk into my yoga class and say, oh, I've got low back issues around L four L five. My first question is, how's your relationship with your mom? One student I worked with had ongoing lower back pain, it flared up every time she felt unsupported by her partner, or she was in conflict with her own mom. When she learned to ask for help instead of silently carrying it all, when she started putting boundaries in place and communicating her needs, her pain started to improve the body's message. You don't have to hold everything alone. It's okay to ask for support. The next area we're gonna look at is the chest. This is often represented through anxiety and heart palpitations, like feeling like I can't breathe. If you've ever felt a tight chest, shortness of breath, or an anxiety attack, this is a sign that your nervous system is overwhelmed. For moms, this happens when you feel like there's no room to breathe. Mentally and emotionally, you're holding in emotions, but never releasing them, and you're stuck in a chronic fight or flight mode. Studies show that chronic stress disregulates the nervous system and keeps the body in a high stress state, which can lead to panic attacks. Hyperventilations and even heart issues over time. A mom in my program told me she constantly felt like she couldn't catch her breath. After a few sessions of breath work and somatic release, she finally felt space in her chest again because her body had been holding onto years of unprocessed stress. Your body's message here is you need space to breathe physically, mentally, and emotionally. Slow down, give yourself permission to exhale. Let me set the scene target. Late afternoon. Everyone's hangry and my mental load is at maximum capacity. I'm pushing the cart, half focused on my daughter half running through my mental checklist. What do we need for dinner? Did I send that email? When's the doctor's appointment again? Did I switch the laundry? And then it happens. My daughter spotted something. Some random toy or snack she'd. Or snacks. She suddenly kn and I said, no, and that's all it takes. She crumples, she cries, overwhelmed, overstimulated, and fully melting down in the middle of the aisle and me, I can feel it bubbling up inside me. The tightness in my chest, the clenching in my jaw, the heat rising in my neck. I'm about to snap because I don't have time for this because I just need to get through the damn shopping trip because I have been holding in every ounce of stress, exhaustion and frustration, and suddenly it's not just about my daughter's emotion. It's about all of it. And then mid tight jaw about to lose it. Moment. I have this flash of realization. My daughter, she's doing exactly what I should be doing. She's releasing, letting it out, processing in real time, and I'm about to punish her for it because that's what I learned to do to myself. I was raised to hold it in, to not express emotions, to push through, to be easy, to be fine. And here's my daughter showing me exactly what I never let myself do. And my first instinct is to shut it down, not because I don't love her, not because I don't want her to feel, but because it's uncomfortable, because her emotions are pulling at wounds in me that I haven't fully healed. And in that moment I realized this is where the cycle either continues. Or stops. Our kids don't just learn from what we say. They learn from what we model. If I keep suppressing, she'll learn to do the same. If I keep stuffing things down, numbing out, pushing through, that becomes her blueprint too. And I don't want that for her. So instead of snapping, I take a breath. I un clench my jaw, I loosen my shoulders, I shake out my hands because my body needs to release too. And I kneel down and I say, Hey, I see that you're upset. It's okay to feel big things. Let's take a breath together. And just like that, she exhales. It doesn't mean meltdown disappears. But something shifts because I shifted first, and that was the real lesson. So let's talk about what we do with this realization. How do we start actually releasing this buildup in of stress instead of passing it down, here's where to begin. You gotta name it. Get real about the invisible load you're carrying. Have you ever written out everything you do in a day? Every task, every mental load, every little thing that no one else even realizes you're managing. I had a client do this and by the end of the day she had three pages, single spaced, keeping track of school. Keeping track of school paperwork, remembering what foods each kid will eat this week, scheduling appointments, checking in on our partner's, stress level thinking through the mental gymnastics of every kid's emotional needs. And that was just Monday. Moms carry a level of mental and emotional weight that is completely invisible to everyone else, but we feel it. So the first step is to write it all down. Because when you see it in black and white, you start to realize, no wonder I feel exhausted. No wonder I feel tense. No wonder I snap over little things. It's because I'm carrying all the things. So your action step is to take five minutes today and brain dump every single task, worry and responsibility you manage. It's not complaining, it's clarity. Next up. Is to hand things off. Yes. Even if it's easier to do it yourself. Listen, I get it. I do. Letting go of control feels impossible. You ask your partner to do something and they forget. They do it. Half asked, they ask 500 questions about how to do it, and at some point it just feels easier to do it yourself. But here's the truth. That I'll just do it. Reflex is keeping you stuck. If you don't let people take on responsibility, they never learn to hold it. So what if instead of taking back the task when it's done wrong, you let them figure it out. What if you let go of perfect and just let them handle it their way? So here's your action step. Pick one thing this week that you're handing off for. Good. Let your partner be in charge of school lunches. Let your kids be responsible for packing their bags. Yes, they'll mess up at first. Let them, they may mess up a hundred times. Let them. Next up is we've gotta look at body-based stress release. Move the stress out of your system.'cause newsflash, you cannot think your way out of stored stress if you're constantly running on fight or flight mode. Your nervous system needs more than just awareness. It needs a physical outlet to complete the stress cycle. Breath work. Long exhales help shift your body out of the stress mode. EFT tapping simultaneous stimulates acupressure points to release stored tension shaking. I know it sounds weird, but shaking your hands, arms and legs actually releases, builds up cortisol from your system. Watch animals. After they get startled, they shake it off literally. Dance, stretch, move. Let your body process what your brain has been suppressing. So here's your action step. Next time you feel your stress building. Don't just sit with it. Move through it. Shake out your arms, sigh loudly. Let your body reset. Next up is emotional boundaries. Stop absorbing everyone else's stress. Moms are emotional sponges. We absorb everyone's feelings, our kids, our partners, our coworkers, even the random lady at the grocery store. But not every emotion that enters your space is yours to fix. Here's your action step next time your partner's in a bad mood. Instead of absorbing it, try saying, I see you're having a rough day. Let me know if you need support, but I'm going to keep my energy in a good place. This teaches them to handle their own stress without dumping it on you. And finally, let yourself feel, give your body an emotional release. How many times have you felt on the verge of crying and swallowed it down? Your body needs to release emotions. If you don't give yourself an outlet, your body will find other ways like anxiety, tension, or chronic stress. Here's your action steps. Cry, scream into a pillow, dance wildly in your kitchen. Throw a soft pillow at the wall. It doesn't matter what it is. Just allow yourself to feel and let the emotion move through you instead of staying in. You. Listen, I know it isn't easy, but every little shift, every moment you delegate, every time you pause before reacting, every time you let yourself feel, instead of suppressing, it's a step towards breaking the cycle. And if you're ready to go deeper with this, that's exactly why I created Living Comp, because you don't have to carry it all alone. If today's episode resonated with you, share it with another mom, leave a review or join me inside Living Calm. The program is linked up in the show notes. I would love to see you there, but I'll definitely love to see you here next week. Thanks so much for listening. Take care.